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having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Apr 2016, 8:01 am AEST

having a bad morning

I am feeling that my life at the moment is crap. I am so depressed and find that more so in the mornings. I hate myself so much, the way I feel, the way I act and behave. I know people will say to me 'oh just get over it' or 'you're not trying hard enough' - well to those people who say that: Do you have a mental illness; do you know what it's like to have depression and feel so dark that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel; do you self harm to get rid of your emotions and to feel the pain; or do you think about suicide because it's all too much and you can't handle the pain anymore - NO. So don't tell me to just 'move on' or 'stop being too sensitive'.

I am not having a good morning this morning; tears are flowing as i am typing. And I have to get ready for work; damn work. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living and why?

I really don't know how i am going go today at work; I feel so depressed. 😞

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In response to: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 6:49 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

You've done a lot of work to overcome the lack of nurturing in your earlier life @pip, and build great self-nurturing skills in around you .... well done !! So glad to hear your bf supports you so beautifully in that ..... it's precious .....

💗💕

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

pipSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

@Faith-and-Hope. The beauty of my bf is that I met him when I was at the lowest ebb in my life. I actually found another forum (cannot mention it because he still advises on it). I 'logged on' to this forum and he answered me. Over several months he pulled me out of where I was and gave me the strength to make some life-changing decisions. Because of this man I have since made some important decisions concerning my job. I have re-discovered my worth as a person and my strength to stand alone and be proud of what I have overcome. It's only recently he admitted to the change in our relationship to that of bf/gf status. While we live separately, our connection is strong. I could never live with another guy, been married 3 times. He could never live with another woman, he's been on his own too long. One day, hopefully, we will reunite, that is worth everything, even though it'll be temporary. He lives interstate, I will not relocate, he won't either. I respect his right to live where he chooses. He respects my right to do the same. We are happy with our particular relationship (long distance). Suits both of us. No 'chains', no broken promises, just knowing when and if we do get to spend time together, it'll be what we want.

In response to: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 8:14 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

@pip sounds like it fits the bill perfectly for you both at the moment.

You know from my posts on the forums that my WH's illness has changed the nature of our relationship .... it's the best we can do in the here and now .... there's still a heart connection there, and I have been told that the real him is trapped inside his circumstances ..... to never forget that ....

So happy for you .... ❤

Waiting for my time to come around again .... lots of work in the way of that at the mo ....

Patience. Perseverence. You've seen it all by the sounds ....

Hugs 🌷

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 9:13 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

@Faith-and-Hope. I'm sure your time will come again - when you get to reconnect with the man you married.
So wonderful that you can still recognise and acknowledge that the heart connection is still there.
When your husband does come out of his cocoon , he is going to be beyond thankful. And we will all celebrate with you.
I believe in keeping optimistic. I believe in faith in the human spirit and hope that your husband will emerge from his cocoon soon.

In response to: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 9:19 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

Thanks &utopia .....

.... might be kicking and screaming .....

💗💕

In response to: having a bad morning

Shaz51Senior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 10:18 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

Hello @Decadian

thank you for your message xx'

It is surprising what you can manage from timt to time through our lives

I think how AWESOME you are for what you have been through my friend , and I am proud of you

Hello @BlueBay, @Faith-and-Hope, @utopia, @pip xx

In response to: having a bad morning

utopiaSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 10:42 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

Hello @Shaz51. How has your day been?

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

AppleblossomSenior Contributor30 Oct 2016, 11:16 pm AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

@BlueBay the effects of experiencing early sexual abuse goes fairly deep into our responses. I think going into a paralysed or startled response is common ... because the flood of feelings .. is so inappropriate and difficult to process.

So no, we dont think of going to sit in another carriage .. or in many women's cases, move away from abusive partners, they used to call it battered wives syndrome.

For some reason I was in denial about my own abuse, til a few months ago, and a social worker for the Royal Commission, told me I had been abused. I was fixated on my siblings and my father's sexual abuse story. My mother was totally horrible about it all, whether it was for dad, my sister or me. It seems many mothers put blinkers on ... and the hurt that creates is serious.

Hope we can get over it together .. am feeling particularly low tonight.

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor31 Oct 2016, 12:01 am AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

I'm around for a while @Appleblossom .....

❤️💐

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

Unknown userMember31 Oct 2016, 12:43 am AEDT

Re: having a bad morning

hi all,

so much going on for everyone at the moment. yes abuse from an early age seems to do so much.. damage.. i'm scared to learn anymore about it... but at the same time i'm drawn to understanding on a rational level... away from the emotional level so that maybe i can give myself more of a break... agh no sense to be made tonight!

are you ok @Appleblossom?

@Faith-and-Hope your optimism and level of hope for the future is very inspiring. I do hope that your husband finds some balance and wellness in life so that things can be smoother for you all.

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