having a bad morning

i have been crying most of the day. Even last night going to bed, the tears just flowed.

The CAT team called today to see how i was and i told them i was crying a lot today. They suggested i take an anxiety tablet and try to rest. She said to me that she will contact my psych tomorrow morning and talk to him and see whether he will put me back in hospital. If he says no then they will suggest that they will work with him and support me on my meds change while not going back into hospital.

i did have a rest and then when hubby came home we took jersey for a walk along the beach. i told hubby that i am stressing as there are so many stressors in our lives at the moment. So we have gone back to thinking lets try to sell our home and get rid of our negative people/things in our lives. if we do sell for a really good price then we can buy cheaper and have money left over, which would help us financially.

it was interresting because after we spoke the real estate agent called to see how i am. he knows i was in hospital for depression. he said that now is a really good market for selling and buying but no pressure as he knows i am suffering. he said he understands what its like because he suffered similar with bad anxiety 6 yrs ago and changed his life around with getting rid of negative poeple in his life.

Thanks @utopia for the compliment. I'm really not talented, i just try but they did turn out okay.

Yes, tomorrow i have an appt with my psych, so more honest talking tomorrow with him. i think it is time that i tell him i am not 100% and now with the CAT team phoning him he will realise things aren't that good.

how is your cold? are you feeling better?

Thank you @utopia. I seem to struggle big time with compliments. Even last week at work a lady complimented me on my hair cut and I just sort of said thanks but quickly walked off. I don't know why i am like this.

I really hope the CAT team have a good chat with my pysch this morning before I go at 11am.

I had another horrible and weird dream last night. This time I was talking to a dead person. He was warning me to move away from the open streets where I could be shot or killed. I have never ever dreamt of this guy before, he passed away only 5 months ago. I dont understand dreams.

I'm going to go for a walk this morning down the beach and then off to my psych. i will let you know how i go.

i think since my psych has changed my strength of meds so much over the past 3 weeks my level of emotions has increased, my crying, i feel like i am going up and down in extreme.

I hope your day settles down for you @BlueBay ..... ❤️🌹🍓

We would love to meet your Jersey @BlueBay ❣

Hi @BlueBay

Good work on getting your pics up - it is straight forward but you do need instructions when you start because there are a lot of diffferent steps getting from your phone to posting a pic in the forums

And they are lovely scarves and bags - yes - you do have some gifts and probably more - as they start to be expressed I have no doubt your anxiety and depression will ease

It does sound as if you need to be back in hospital for a while - the stress you are suffering is affecting your physical health and it's rubbing along and wearing you down - I think we can read this - and people here really like you - we don't see you as negative at all - you are one really battler here

I am sorry to read about your niece - I can tell you are not the only member in your family affected by its dysfunction - and 3 years is not long and suicides are hard to deal with - and it is something hard to understand - the person who dies takes their real reason with them - and no wonder you are coming unstuck

I am just so glad this woman from the CAT team is backing you up here - and - it is really important to be honest with your psyche - you know - he will not judge you but he does need to know what things you have biting you under your skin - and - I worked this out over time - it's not what other people think we say that is the problem - it's what we hear ourselves say - and yes - it is important to keep some things to ourselves with the public - but with our medical team - we have to talk about these things

Really - I am not much use to anyone right now - I don't know if I have a bad cold or a bad dose of hayfever but it's a bad dose of something - so if I don't write much right now it's because my nose is so stuffy I am struggling to breathe through it - and I find it hard to breathe through my mouth -

But I am thinking of your

Decadian