having a bad morning

Just write a To-do list @BlueBay, and highlight things as you get them done ......

Then it becomes a "Look-what-I-achieved-today" list instead ......... 😘 ......... ❣

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope

I did have a better afternoon. I also had a session with my regular therapist and it was the best session ever. We laughed, joked around and just chatted about everything. I was so comfortable. He made a comment and said I have improved.

I walked out of my session feeling good. 🙂

How was your day @Faith-and-Hope

Yay !! It's not-so-sadgirl ❣

💜💗❤️💜💗❤️

I had a bit of a pyjama day today. I dropped D3 off at school to battle it out with her art project, stopped for a coffee on the way home, then went back to bed !! It is cold and rainy here, and with nothing else I had to do that I couldn't do from bed, it seemed like a very sensible thing to do ..... also nursing a bit of a headache. So again, bed was the best place for me ❣

I emailed and phoned around to get some bits and pieces seen to, just to keep life happening around me, but that was it. Have put some dinner into the oven to cook itself, and, guess what ?

I'm back in bed 😊

Hi @BlueBay

Sorry to hear about the day you have had. Sounds incredibly difficult to see your mother in law in such a bad way.

Glad to see you doing activites for youself (such as knitting and going for a walk). It is always important to take some time for yourself to unwind. Let us know how you go with the walk and knitting.

Looking forward to hearing from you

LukeSkyW

@LukeSkyW

Feeling down and emotional. I think seeing mother in law this morning after a month of not seeing her has really got to me.

I ended up cleaning the house, doing the washing, took the dog for a short walk, bought dinner. Haven't knitted though 😞

Just now my son who has broken up with his girlfriend two weeks ago is sitting here and chatting about his ex and I can sense he is angry about the break up. They were together for 3 1/2 yrs and it is very sad. She is the one that broke up very unexpectedly.

I am feeling a bit flat, listening to my son and how hurt he is has really affected me. i loved his girlfriend a lot and took her in like another daughter.

he hasn't stopped talking for about an hour and I am just listening. I have to let him go on and just let it all out. He obviusly needs to let all his anger and frustratioin out. Poor guy.

I am so glad he can come to us and just talk, let it all out.

Oh my gosh, being a parent is so damn hard. 9 days and my youngest is going away. i suppose this is parenthood!!!

all i ever want is for my 3 kids to be happy,

Sending you hugs from Melbourne today @BlueBay ❣

This morning I had a session with my regular therapist. Driving to see him I was feeling emotional and sad. I was thinking about my co-worker who is a friend as well. I was thinking that she talks to me like i am a kid, a stupid kid. Maybe it's because i have a mental illness that she treats and talks to me in a different way. that's how i feel anyway, maybe i am wrong. maybe it's my thinking. it's always my stupid thinking.

i feel that she doesn't understand what it's like to have have a high anxiety level, espeically at the moment with my son leaving tomorrow for a holiday. I am sure if it was her son going on his own she would worry. i just feel and think that she probably thinks i exaggerate things.

so i was crying as i was driving to my therapist. i bought him a coffee and we sat there and talked about my son leaving. he asked why am i so anxious, what is it that i am anxious about. i told him he is going overseas for the first time and on his own. what if something happens, what if he gets into trouble etc etc??; i also told him that it's about me because it means my youngest child is growing up and my other two are a few years older and it means that i am getting older and that one day it will be just me and hubby. by this stage i knew i was working myself up and i told him - ok i know i am catastrophising everything, black and white thinking. I said i know he will be fine, he will call us or facebook us. i know he is a sensible person and i know he wouldn't do anything silly. i said to him 'it still makes me worry'. my therapist said - look he will be fine. and before you know it he will be back.

we then talked about my art therapy session i had at the hospital. i showed him my artwork (which is think is nothing really) but my therapist liked it. We talked about why i did that drawing, why i used those particular colours and if i enjoyed it. i told him about my melt down and crying about how my head was judging me and my drawing. i said to him tht i thought it was okay and i will go again.

and this is where he is trying to help me see when i do these kind of BPD behaviours. he agreed with a hospital admission but then i told him that now i am doubting whether i should go or not. reason being is the loss of money - but we looked at that and he said if my meds change while i am in hospital missing 4 days of pay in the short term will benefit me in the long term with my mental health and therefore having less time off work.

when i looked at it like that i can understand it better. i guess i was just looking for someone else to help me justify the reason for going in again.

sometimes i feel like giving up altogether; because i think why do i bother, i try so hard and i don't see any results. but my therapist has said that he can see results; that he can see changes even if they are little changes, i am changing.

i can't see it at all. all i can see is the negative.

I am sorry:

I am sorry to everyone for not asking about others on here at times. I get so caught up with my own little world that i honestly forget to ask how others are. i am so sorry that i don't ask about you all at times. it's not that you are not in my mind because you all are; it's just, i guess my stupid horrible world i live in in my mind.

I know it's not all about me and at times i feel so selfish; but i am not a selfish person, i am truly a person who cares about others; it just doesn't show at times. i have been told at times by my therapist that i am a self centred person but i don't see it as that. but if others on here do see me as that, then i am really sorry. i never meant to.

yesterday was my youngest sister's birthday but i haven't seen her for the past 6 years as she has sided with my mum. oh well another sibling on my mum's side. i don't care anymore,

gee that's a lie - i do care that's the trouble,. i better stop because the tears come and i can't stop.

back on here later, sorry

Dear @BlueBay

I just finished my own post with the sentence, "I'm sorry I'm not asking about other people...." along those lines. It made me smile when I saw it in your text. Gosh we are so hard on ourselves. @BlueBay you have again and again helped me and encouraged me, so please don't feel this way (I also take note myself).

It sounds like you have a good therapist who can understand you and help you understand better and come to your own decisions. I'm sure your artwork was nice, all art that has a story is special in its own way. What do you think when you will be going to hospital? A medication change would be for me personnally a definite yes, as I am terrified of medication changes (well of changes all together).

Anyway I give you a big hug and wish you strength for tomorrow when you say bye to your little boy, they grow up so quickly and I am sure he will be fine and stay in touch with you.

Take good care of yourself.