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having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Apr 2016, 8:01 am AEST

having a bad morning

I am feeling that my life at the moment is crap. I am so depressed and find that more so in the mornings. I hate myself so much, the way I feel, the way I act and behave. I know people will say to me 'oh just get over it' or 'you're not trying hard enough' - well to those people who say that: Do you have a mental illness; do you know what it's like to have depression and feel so dark that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel; do you self harm to get rid of your emotions and to feel the pain; or do you think about suicide because it's all too much and you can't handle the pain anymore - NO. So don't tell me to just 'move on' or 'stop being too sensitive'.

I am not having a good morning this morning; tears are flowing as i am typing. And I have to get ready for work; damn work. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living and why?

I really don't know how i am going go today at work; I feel so depressed. 😞

1047 replies

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In response to: having a bad morning

hopeyNew Contributor14 Apr 2016, 9:41 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi sad girl
Sorry you are feeling the way you are. I too go through this. I find writing down how i feel helps, here is a poem i wrote when i had similar feelings to you.
People always judge me
Tell me how I should feel,
They tell me to get over it
That these feelings are not real.
Until they have walked in my shoes
Until they’ve had the thoughts in my head,
Then they can just f*** off
And take back the things they’ve said.
They haven’t had to wake up fighting
Just to want to take the next breath,
They haven’t had to fight the constant thoughts
Of wanting the day to end in death.
Scared to be around people
But so lonely on your own,
Wanting so badly to talk to someone
But then fearful to answer the phone.
Avoiding everything that catches your reflection
As you know it will bring you down,
Then your mood changes quickly
From a smile to a frown.
Being scared of the thoughts to end your life
But even more scared to live,
Knowing you need to put up a fight
But having nothing left to give.

All the best ☺

In response to: having a bad morning

Unknown userMember14 Apr 2016, 3:27 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Glad you made it through @BlueBay. I hope you're having a better day.

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 Apr 2016, 7:49 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @hopey

I'm not in a good frame of mind this morning, and as i read your post my tears are rolling down my face. I can so relate to what you wrote.

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 Apr 2016, 7:51 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Another morning of facing my emotions. I hate it so much. I can't stop crying and yet I have to get ready for work. Why do i have to work. i hate everything right now. i fear of so much of what others will think of me. i don't even really know why i am crying so much. why can't i just stop crying and be a strong person. not good today

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 Apr 2016, 8:23 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

i hate putting on fake faces for everyone. i am sick and tired of living a life of pretending to be happy, pretending to cope.

have to go to work, it just shits me so much. no one understands. i don't know if i will be okay. stopped crying for now, getting ready for work, wish i could take a day off but i can't. why is everything so hard

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

NikNikSenior Contributor22 Apr 2016, 9:14 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Morning @BlueBay

I'm not sure if you're at work now, but I hope you're doing okay.

Crying and being upset doesn't man you're not strong. Getting up and pushing through and getting work done is being strong.

It must be really hard to put on a front at work. I hope at the very least, being at work is a bit of a distraction, even for a few mintues or hours.

Please do something nice for yourself this afternoon and take care.

Nik

In response to: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 Apr 2016, 1:15 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @NikNik
I'm not good but at work. So overwhelmed with too much work to be done today not enough time. I'm trying to be ok. Seeing my GP tonight. Don't know if I can do all the work. New staff are hard. It feels like I'm working for two people at the moment. I haven't stopped until now for lunch break.

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor22 Apr 2016, 8:05 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @NikNik

Just got home before from seeing my GP. I told him about not feeling too good and in a bad head space. He asked why did anything happen and I said I don't know; and i started to cry. I cried and cried so much that i had to sit in my car for a while before driving home.

My GP is so good in sitting and listening to me without ever rushing me out. I just wanted him to give me a hug but he can't which i understand but as i left he put his arm on my shoulder and said to hang in there.

I told him I can't cope with crying all the time. I am now exhausted and just want to hide away from the family.

Life sucks at times

In response to: having a bad morning

SilenusSenior Contributor22 Apr 2016, 10:53 pm AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @BlueBay

I want to take this opportunity to send you a big soft caring all-enveloping hug...

For 2 years, I lived in a house 800 metres from the beach. It was everything I had wished for and worked towards all of my life...

Where did I spend the vast majority of my time during those 2 years? Erm... yeah... you guessed it... mostly in my bedroom with the door closed and the curtains darkening the room...

Why? Because mental health issues like depression and anxiety suck!

Sigh... I've lost count of the living I've missed out on, just because I couldn't face the world. I'm better at the moment, and hope to remain better for as long as possible. I'm doing all I can to make that happen. I don't know if what I'm doing is making a difference, or if I'm just lucky with my brain and body rhythm behaving just now. Time will tell, I guess...

I hope things improve for you soon @BlueBay

Hugs aplenty beaming your way... 🙂

In response to: Re: having a bad morning

BlueBaySenior Contributor23 Apr 2016, 9:46 am AEST

Re: having a bad morning

Hi @Silenus

Thank you for your hug; I can feel it. You know that's all i need sometimes - a hug, a simple hug - and yet I don't get it.

That's what i would really like to do - stay in bed all day and night and do nothing and see no one. But financially i have to work, i don't have a choice so i feel stuck. i feel that i can't care for me because of the financial strain. We are hoping to put our home on the market in spring and hopefully sell (didn't sell two years ago). But this time i hope we do - i want a fresh start. i want a life for me and not for someone else.

Thank you so much for being here and supporting me - i don't feel so alone when i get so much support on here. Life still sucks though; i just need to be more gentle on myself, caring a bit more; no a lot more and see for myself that i can be strong even though my mind is saying no i am weak.

I really hate that parents can ingrain so much negativity, crap, lies into their chidlren's mind - me. And i have believed it all my life; and now when i so much need them they have abandoned me.

Wish i could sell up and buy a motorhome and travel - but still have 3 adult chidlren at home. I just feel so trapped sometimes; and that's when i lose it and want to run away, disappear for a while and not deal with anything.

Sorry, i am ranting on a bit now.

thank you @Silenus again for your reply. it means a lot to me.

take care

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