Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

@Heartworks it sounds like you have been bombarded with so many struggles all in the short span of 8 years. Glad to hear you found Elisabeth Kubler-Ross a helpful author on the grief subject. I have heard some people disagree with her 'stages of grief' model - moreso the idea that grief follows a chronological set of stages - however she is definitely one of the most renouned authors on the subject of grief. I love that quote too "It will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end". 🙂

@awe absolutely! I think freedom is what you do with what has been done to you as Jean-Paul Satre once said. 😉

@Fatima Little steps help. Maybe read a chapter at a time rather than a whole book or perhaps a talking book in the car to help you feel as though you can get away a little 🙂

@Former-Member The quote is courtesy of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and yes, but like with anything, it has provided me with a greater sense of empathy and compassion and I think, I hope, I have become a better listener, spouse, mother and friend in my own group of dear family, treasured friends and extending that to those I meet 🙂

Hi @Heidi1 and welcome 🙂

That is definitely a helpful point. Assuming that we are 'grieving wrongly' would surely discount our own unique and individual experience, and leave us feeling worse?

@awe and @And-016 have you ever felt anxious that there is a right or wrong way to grieve, or compared your own grief experience to others?

We are more likely to become stuck in our grief when we are shut down, not when we have the opportunity to explore the grief in our lives. The chance to speak openly and make sense of our experiences out loud with a receptive person or people, like Awe said, helps temper our grief.

Yes @Former-Member, I have changed over time , I am not the same as I was years ago , a better wife , daughter, step mother

@Heartworks oh yes that's where I heard that quote from originally - The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, what a great movie 🙂 It sounds like you have great insight and personal reflection around your grief experiences. What do you think about the idea that grief can be one of life's greatest teachers? Has this been your experience?

People talk a lot about stages of grief and I find this a problem because they don't seem appropriate. Everyone's grief is so individual and bounces around so much and continues on with a life of its own. No one seems to move smoothly from one stage to another. I like "the 4 tasks of grief much better:

1. To accept the reality of the grief - it took me a long time to tame the disbelief
2. To do the pain - its the downside of the love we had
3. To get used to a world in which the loved one no longer exists
4. To find ongoing connections with the lost loved one. Max was a baker and I feel him with me every time I handle a loaf of bread. I love that