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Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

NikNikSenior Contributor02 Apr 2016, 1:22 pm AEDT

Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

Dealing with loss: Myths of Grief

As carers grief and loss can come to the surface for many reasons:

- A sense of loss of the life we thought we'd live

- A sense of grief for what our loved ones are going through

- A sense of loss for the life you wanted for your love one

During this Topic Tuesday, we look at managing loss and the myths of grief. We'll be joined by two guest speakers from Compassionate Friends Victoria.

Join us from 7pm AEST

3 things you can do now:

1. Register as a member of the forums, which enables you to participate in the session

2. Hit the like button below to receive an email reminder on the night

3. Can't make the session? Leave a question below to be answered during Topic Tuesday

100 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

HeartworksContributor26 Apr 2016, 7:20 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

@awe Beautiful comment - to be given a blessing with a response of "me too" is just tremendous. My students express the same thing. It's almost as though a problem shared is a problem halved 🙂

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

Unknown userMember26 Apr 2016, 7:21 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

@Fatima it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, managing your own grief of losing your mum less than a year ago, while also trying to help your brother adjust to this loss as well. Did you know you would become his sole carer, or did this role happen to fall into your lap after your mothers death? Did taking on this role lead to any other changes that you've had to work through? Eg - changes in work, or family dynamics?

That’s a good suggestion from @presence to send video links and imessages on the ipad. Sometimes we can show support and compassion to our loved ones without necessarily talking about the loss specifically.

Does anyone else have suggestions for @Fatima?

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

And-016Contributor26 Apr 2016, 7:24 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

Mosaic, I think that very early on you can feel shell-shocked and feel numb and disbelieving. You can feel you're on an emotional rollercoaster. When more time passes, there can be difficulties concentrating, finding the "ordinary tasks of the day" pretty banal and unimportant. They seem unimportant in the face of the grief you are experiencing.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

FatimaSenior Contributor26 Apr 2016, 7:24 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

For me grief made me not want to participate innactivities outside the home environment. It took me 6 months to move on to a general feeling of sadness from grief.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

aweContributor26 Apr 2016, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

For @Fatima, when my son was becoming mentally worse with his alcoholism, it helped me a lot to have a few key people to talk to.That made th burden seem less and it helped me to think it through better.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

Unknown userMember26 Apr 2016, 7:27 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

@Heartworks thanks for sharing. The grief that comes with a diagnosis is tremendous for the carer, as it can often lead to the loss of dreams and aspirations for our life. While those dreams or aspirations may be future oriented, and may not yet have actually manifested, the loss is still incredibly real and raw. Can I ask, what has this shift in dreams look like for you and your family?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

And-016Contributor26 Apr 2016, 7:30 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

Fatima, I so relate to the experience of not wanting to participate outside the home environment. And yet after six months that's often when people are expecting one to "move on". I believe one of the greatest myths of grief relates to “closure”, that one day the grief will pass. It’s a term that’s popularly used in the media. But what lived experience and research repeatedly tells us, is that grief stemming from a loss stays with us, but over time the grief will dissipate in intensity and frequency. Grieving is something that can’t be rushed, and it becomes integrated into the fabric of our lives. It becomes part of the new you.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

FatimaSenior Contributor26 Apr 2016, 7:32 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

No i was always the one in the family who agreed to take respinsibility for my brother. My other brother who is 9'years younger will help out if he is oressured into it. Rather reluctantly though. Our family has had. An ongoing debate as to whether my brother should have been forcably hospitalised abd medicated, but it never happened and somehow the unwell one survives. It has been very stressful and a major issue is my brother smokes in his room at night and i am a chronic asthmatic. Very difficult to resolve.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

aweContributor26 Apr 2016, 7:33 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

My grief has seemed to affect everything.

All sorts of new feelings

Physical effects such as loss of energy. I found working more difficult

Mentally it has been harder to concentrate

There have been so many differences to before

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

Unknown userMember26 Apr 2016, 7:35 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

So for you @Fatima in the beginning it sounds like the fog of grief made you feel quite unmotivated to engage with your other family or friends outside the home? Did you have anyone come to visit you, or was this quite an isolating time for you?

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