Am i really that selfish?

Thinking of you @outlander ❤️❤️

Hi @MDT

good morning @outlander@MDT@BlueBay@Appleblossom@utopia

Did you manage to get some much deserved sleep outlander?

Having disruption to your sleep pattern as well as nightmares I think that you mentioned would also add to the imbalance of all of the magical stuff that makes our brain think rationally...

Hormones would be in the mix..

Add in arguments..tension within the house...

you get a loving person overloaded with too many symptoms...too much pressure...leading to feeling very overwhelmed I can well imagine..

If I was to draw a stick figure....please do not take this as an image of yourself anybody...

the stick figure would have a strong lean to the side....like the bough of a tree overladen with fruit...a heavy weight sitting on it..

Excuse my rambling...I sometimes find if I allow my mind to wander with imagination ...ignoring the negative chatter...I can feel myself in a time where I did feel ok with myself....my inner child...yes was depressed...however I disappeared into my imagination often...in allowing myself to do this ...I am actually working at retraining my negative thinking which has developed over many years....many families have much to answer for in the way they treated some members..

Several of the others gave you a suggestion on how to deal with the negative talk...this is a good idea...

Swearing at it or visibly putting the stuff away can help for some people....

If any of these suggestions do not work for you..that does not mean that your low self esteem is justified either...

It just means that your mind is very clever and artful....you work at coming up with something bizarre that will trick it...this is how my mind works..

Sorry about the huge essay...

I also hope that I haven't trodden all over your feelings with my extra heavy lead boots either..

I am struggling myself at the moment and am on high alert so easily recognise when others just have too much going on in their lives...knowing that for now the only option is to step back...look after outlander...just keep on telling those who complain .."I need some time alone..please respect that" or in your own words...

ps I just responded to your other thread as well..

big hug to everyone

Hi @outlander, just following up at more length on what I wrote about the selfishness issue in the 'help from the ladies' thread.

As with all the others who have replied here, I do not see you as a highly selfish person at all. I actually think some selfishness is needed for all of us. I see some degree of selfishness as necessary to survival. How can we take care of ourselves if we don't focus on our own needs and desires? We don't have to be martyrs to live a good life that benefits others in many ways.

I think you are low on the selfishness scale. You do so much for other people, especially your family. Even your studies are about caring for others. Don't buy into the negative projections of others about you, though I know that can be very hard to avoid, especially from family.

You are a wonderful young woman. If others in your real life are not supportive of your admirable study aims to better further your own life, and that of others, always remember that we on the forum appreciate you so much and are here to support you move forward well in your life.

Hi @outlander

Thinking of you. Just thought I would repeat 2 things of previous posts.

1) We all need a little selfishness

2) At your age, Hormones are a big factor when things blow out, give yourself some slack.

@outlander

You are one of the most selfless young persons I've ever known. Everything you do is for others, almost every thought and so many of your conversations are about others.

I'm not surprised you hardly know what you need, because everyone else demands that you take care of their needs first. They are the ones being selfish. Where do you fit in the picture of having a life for you? Most young people your age are exploring their first careers, exploring opportunities for travel, friends, finding yourself. You have none of these things because you're too busy being a slave to everyone's demands. You are paying the ultimate sacrifice right now. And it's no surprise you're battling anxiety, depression, insomnia, and all those things. And the very people who should love you unconditionally, support and guide you, are so absorbed in their own lives, they can't see how much burden their beautiful, intelligent, loving and caring daughter is carrying and how desperate she needs help.

I'm glad you are studying, because when you are out of this situation, and creating a life for you, those skills will be an asset to help you find work. You will be amazing in whatever role you undertake as you have such a beautiful personality. And studying right is giving you you time. Time for you to do something you are good at, and that you enjoy. So don't you stop doing that.

Hugs lil Sis. Neither you or I can fix the situation you're in right now. But I relish the day not too soon in the future when you tell me you longer need my help, and that life for you is good. Until then my suppois always here. Always