Hi all,
This topic is very interesting. I have been reading over it the conversation as it's progressed.
@Loopy , the way I read your words in your post 'shut the hole under your nose', it comes across quite aggressive - I'm not sure if that's your intention or not?
In the past I have been on both ends of this situation. I have a chronic illness and have been told I look 'well' and they 'wouldn't have guessed it'. Sometimes it gets me hot under the collar. Sometimes I think I take it the wrong way... Once I interpreted it as "you're faking it" and "you're just trying to get attention'. I ended up becoming good friends with this person. I asked him down the track why he said that. He said genuinely didn't think there was anything wrong with my health - and that it gave him a new perspective on not 'judging a book by it's cover'. I secretly gave myself a high five for the way I handled it - because it meant that I challenged someone's view!
Since then I have come up with a little blurb that I say if someone asks me and is shocked/uncomfortable/says something awkward - so I'm never really caught off guard now. Often people are quite embarrassed, but I kinda like informing them and changing their perspective.
I now see these situations as opportunities to educate someone, regardless of their intention
Like I said, I've been on the other end too... I've been in a situation where someone, who I didn't know very well, disclosed to me an illness they had. I think I looked like a deer in headlights.... I felt so ashamed that I didn't know what to say. As I didn't know them very well, I didn't really have a relationship with them so it made it even harder. I actually don't remember what I said... I do remember my internal dialogue though.. which was something like... "do I respond like it's not a big deal so it will make them feel better" "No no,., it's a big deal.. they will think I'm an a.hole if I don't acknowledge it...." and I seriously don't remember what came out of my mouth... but I still remember wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole.
I have got better since then though - but I do still have my moments of panic and think "how am I meant to respond to that?"
Having experienced both sides, I understand how awkward/embarrassing/ashamed someone, who is well intentioned, feels when they say something inappropriate. Like I said, I now see it as an opportunity to educate the person.
Have others been on either side / both sides, & if so, how did you handle it?
I think I saw in another thread @kenny66 talk about how he carries around information with him - is that right?
