FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Events and updates

Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

s-jaySenior Contributor

Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

One of the main reasons many expecting and new parents affected by perinatal anxiety & depression and postnatal psychosis say they don’t reach out for help is because they didn't understand what was happening to them. Many don’t realise they are ill and therefore suffer for longer than they need to. Many parents, looking back, say that if they had known more and been better able to prepare for some of the challenges they might have been better able to cope.

That’s why this year PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia - chose the theme ‘I Wish I Knew’ for PANDA Week 2018. They will be our special guests on the 13th November 2018 right here! We'll be talking about becoming a new parent and how to get help if things become tough.

Want to receive an email reminder on the night? Hit the 'Support' button below.

_____________________________________________________________________

I'm new here - what is Topic Tuesday?

Topic Tuesday runs from 7pm - 8:30 or 9pm AEST monthly. Each month we focus on a different topic, with the session facilitated by a Community Manager or Moderator. Sometimes Topic Tuesday will feature a special guest, who is an expert in the topic.

The first post of the thread (this one) will give you an idea of what the topic is and what will be covered.

How do I get involved?

Topic Tuesday takes place right here! It's text based, so no software is needed. During the session, to keep up with the latest posts hit the 'refresh' button on your browser for the latest posts (it doesn't automatically update). Keep an eye for page numbers at the top & bottom of the page, and jump to the highest page number for the most recent post.

Throughout the session, the facilitator will put questions out for you to answer, usually asking for your own experience on the topic. To contribute to the session, just hit the 'reply' button and share your thoughts. No answers are right or wrong and everyone is welcome to get involved.

If you have any questions about how to use the Forums, check out our Guides.

64 replies

21 - 30 of 64
1234...7

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

KezkCasual Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

@CheerBear, yes it is so hard have a child at a young age, feeling like everyone is judging you. I avoided mothers groups and going to the shops because of my fear of the judgement from older mothers. So great to hear that you were able to show that age doesnt matter, a great strength there to demonstrate to other young mothers who may lack confidence in parenthood or feel judged by others.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

dani2Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

thanks kezk.. it wasn'teven on my mind that we could have twins let alone premi. we found out they had a growth restriction.

I think i imagined the perfect mother to be ultra nuturing and I wanted to cook all the food from scratch, organic etc... though i ended up with bought baby food with these too when they started eating solids last year.... I had done all that stuff with my first but it's out the window with these too.... also their first birthday i felt was a big deal, it wasn't even supposed to be their birthday for another 3 months. i felt like some people close to me didnt get that.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

dani2Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

i found it hard to leave the house for the first 9 months with 3 under 3 i was isolated. not a lot of my friends had kids either so my relationships with them did change, and i focused on my new friendships from my firsts playgroup etc

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

ElkeContributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

@dani2 its so common to feel like you want to get it all right and do the absolute best for your child/ren. But then attempting to achieve that level of perfection is just so exhausting and often unachievable. In the process it is usually our own wellbeing that suffers, which in turn affects our ability to parent in the way that we want to. Such a catch-22.

We talk to our callers a lot about the importance of self-care and we even have a fact sheet dedicated to that specific topic because it is just so important. As we always say, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before tending to baby (aeroplane analogy). Fact sheet: Self Care and Wellbeing

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

dani2Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

thanks elke, I know self-care is important in theory.. and I have struggled with mental health issues in the past... hard to put into practice though. i will check out the link

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

CheerBearSenior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

Hi @dani2 and welcome to the forum! Prem twins would have been very hard at times.

I really struggled with mothers group @Kezk and found it was almost toxic in a way sometimes. I hear many people find it hugely beneficial and I think that's awesome, but I found it also helpful to know when something isn't helpful. I found shops (and going out in general) could be really challenging sometimes with some of the judgment that can happen for younger mums.

@Elke I had a close friendship with another young mum with a baby close in age to mine. We used to enjoy simple things like playing in the backyard or park with them and just hanging out together being 'real'. We nurtured our relationship by bonding over what we had in common I think. We both respected each other's way of parenting but also had pretty similar ideas too.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

ElkeContributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

@dani2 i completly agree. Its really something that requires practice. Take it from someone who is still (perpetually) practising 😉 It is far easier to just keep moving and not think of yourself, but it is so worth it. Can you think of something you did in the past that helped in terms of self-care?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

KezkCasual Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

@dani2. Wow, 3 under 3 must have been difficult to manage and I can see how it would have been difficult to leave the house and maintain those old relationships. It can be so easy to withdraw and compound our sense of isolation so it is great to hear that you were able to seek out new friendships that helped you to feel connected and supported.
What else did you find helpful during this time?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

dani2Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

Thank you CheerBear... Did you feel a lot of pressure at mums groups? Sometimes I wonder if i just perceived judgement or it's really my own self-judgemnt or there was actual judgement!

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

ElkeContributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Becoming a new parent - "What I Wish I Knew..." PANDA // Tues 13 Nov, 7pm AEDT

@CheerBear - i totally understand where you're coming from. It can be even harder when you are thrown in with a bunch of people who do not share your views or values around parenting, and obviously mother's groups are not often able to be the that for everyone. Its so great that you were able to find someone who could meet you where you were are at and whose values aligned with yours. This is such a lovely thing to have when you are in the early stages of parenthood. I'm wondering if the social judgement and isolation impacted upon your emotional wellbeing at all? What were the main things that you noticed that told you things weren't right?

21 - 30 of 64
1234...7

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

SANE is a public company limited by guarantee and registered tax-exempt charity with DGR (Deductible Gift Recipient) status.

Charity ABN 92 006 533 606. Donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. SANE, PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053.