bad mother

hi @Former-Member,

You are in my thoughts often, sending you well wishes and a virtual hug.

Jacques

Sorry to hear it's going to drag on for so long LJ.

But remember, they have to prove you are a bad mum. having an MI doesn't automatically make you one, though as you've found they will dig a bit deeper because of it. And they also have to show he deserves and can be trusted with increased access - that's where the assault case will count against him.

Your kids are clean, fed, dressed, cared for etc. They are not being physically or emotionally abused, they aren't wandering the streets or in trouble with authorities. Their well-being is not under threat due to your illness nor are they in danger. You are being professionally treated for you MI to further reduce any impact it may have on their lives. I'm sure that while you were voluntarily in hospital the children were left in a safe, caring environment. You are working & not dependant on welfare to raise them. All in all, you're doing a great job, despite the pressure on you.

There are many, many, many kids in full time custody of parents with much worse backgrounds.

I'm not a legal mind, hell I didn't even finish high school, but seriously, I can't see them making too many changes based on what you've said. And I really hope they don't. If they can give full custody to some of the parents I know there is no reason to change things for the worse in your case.

I think you deserve a medal, not feeling like you're being harassed & pressured.

Take care @Former-Member, I'll go out & start the cheer squad......

Thanks so much @Drac0 - your words are really powerful and have helped me a lot.

I decided to just focus on the here and now, what do i need to do today type of things. and keep going because that is what i have control of. I'm a good mum and my kids are so beautiful, happy and well cared for. Right now there is nothing that i can do about anything so i may as well just keep going with what i need to do. (although just writing that has my heart racing because its so hard! lol doh!)

Tonight my goal is to get some decent sleep so that I can keep up my goal of concentrating on doing each day well!

LJ

Great idea to try and focus on the here & now, what you do have control over @Former-Member. Yes, the other problems will still be there and will still come to mind but you can't fully control what's going on there. Actually, by concentrating on being the best mum and best person you can be in the NOW, you are taking the most control over the future that you can.

Don't worry about showing it to the courts or anyone else. Just show it to yourself & your kids. If you do that others will see it too, just like your mental health worker has. Take care of yourself & the children and let the rest come when it does.

Maybe you need a little laugh - I hope you find this funny. If not let me know & I will edit it out.

For all the teachers out there.

Have a laugh, take care, stay safe.

lol @Drac0

I have seen that one before but it always makes me smile lol (Sadly in my case - early thirties i have a lot of grey hair already lol!!)

Hi @Appleblossom

Thank you, aghhh about the computer, hope that you can fix it up...

I had such a crap day at work 😞 i just want to give up - lol and that IS in the present lol oh dear... planning for tomorrow to do tonight as i need to take the afternoon off to take my lil boy to his paediatric appointment... so his father can then say that his difficulties are my fault.

LJ

What's wrong with a little grey hair @Former-Member? Can make you look dignified & intelligent.

You know, reading back through your posts it sounds like your ex is more interested in doing as much damage to you rather than any real concern for what the kids want or their welfare. I hope I'm wrong but I guess custody cases can be like that.

Whether that's right or not is really neither here or there, except in the way you view things. You just need to keep being the mother you have been.

Take care.

😄 Thank you @Drac0 you are a very kind and insightful person. Thank you for taking so much time to write back to me! Yes, I think the custody stuff with the kids is about maintaining control, he never spent time with or liked 'babysitting' the children when we were together sigh. Thank you for realising that too.

I haven't been reading around the forums much, but how are you getting on? What's your world looking like at the moment in general?

LJ

Hi @Former-Member, hope you're doing well.

Things haven't been too bad for me. If I could manage to sleep a couple of nights I might have said it was good. Things got a bit emotional earlier, but in a good way.

About 10 years ago I got an online friend in the US. As time went on we became better & better friends, we could talk about anything with each other. Even got to the point of spending hours on end with webcams on whether we were chatting or doing something else. She literally knows more about me than anyone else.

But then I spiralled down, leading up to everything crashing for me. During this time she moved and had no internet so we exchanged emails. But eventually I even stopped responding to those. The last email I received from her was Boxing Day 2011. Since I've got myself 'better' pretty much everyday I look at the emails sitting there wondering if I could bring myself to try and contact her again, after just disappearing for so long.

It was a long shot, but this afternoon I did it, not knowing whether she still used that email or would want to talk to me. An hour later it was as if the last four years were nothing. Spent a couple of hours just catching up, talking about our individual issues, lives & family. Was amazing. I think she was shocked that a picture her daughter drew & posted to me 10 years ago still has pride of place on my fridge. Apparently her daughter had asked several times over the last few years if they would ever hear from me again. That was a shock to me!

So a good emotional evening, just chatting. I think I'm a little dazed right now.

Oops, got carried away writing again.....

Keep being the mum you are @Former-Member and take care.

Wow that is just so awesome to hear, that you have reconnected with someone. I can imagine that would have taken a huge amount of courage to send that letter! But im so happy for you that you did!

I hope that you can continue to reconnect and that this is a good sign of positive changes coming your way.

Awww her daughter must be a big girl by now, so wonderful that she still remembers you too! Kids pictures and things are just awesome and such innocent and pure reminders of goodness in the world worth looking for!

Hope that dazed sense doesnt keep you up thinking too much and you get some sleep!

I didnt sleep last night and need to so that I can get through another day at school tomorrow!

LJ