Awareness of Women's Mental Health

@Owlunar. I know with my life story, I just say it how it was. I don't sugar coat it. I don't think it's as painful either, when I talk about it. I'm just stating facts. That was my life. That's what I lived with. Do I wish it would have been different? Yes. But I accept it for what it was. That it is all just part of my story.

Thank you @Owlunar @Sophia1 and all contributors. This is important and powerful and difficult. @BlueBay I'm feeling overwhelmed and emotional reading it too. For now, I'm just trying to make space for these ideas and not worry about 'progress', or any timeframe.

Thanks @Sophia1

I think fir niw I will leave this post. I do enjoy reading your post @Owlunar its just at the moment I can’t do it. I’m actually struggling tonight from today’s issues.

I feel that you are both making a very sensible...looking after yourselves ....decision to step away ..

both said with respect as well...It takes strength to recognise this and express such..

You are also helping the subject of self-esteem ...assisting others reading also

take care @BlueBay @frog

Hugs my friend @frog xxx

@Owlunar Thanks for the tag, it is an interesting subject, and it stirs up a great deal of emotion for me.

After my abuse stopped, I suffered in silence for the next few years. The only time in my young adult life that I felt any kind of control and relief from the suicidal thoughts and self hatred feelings was when I was severely abusing alchohol and drugs. At this stage in my life, while I was being controlled by my substance abuse I did actually have some kind of self esteem. It may not have been high self esteem, but I didn’t feel so pathetic.

I pretty much buried my past when I met my husband, that was a conscience decision because it was either bury it and take a leap of faith with this man - or die, I had actually tried to take my life 1 month before I met him.

My self esteem was pretty high for most of my marriage, almost every job I went for I was offered a management position within weeks, at one point I was made manager for 3 different branches of one business within months of accepting the job - in an industry I’d never worked in before.

Right now, at this point in time, I haven’t got enough self esteem to even apply for a job. Trouble in my marriage for the past couple of years has just chipped away at any confidence I had left.

Now for the tough part of this subject, the letting go. I was assualted on 3 different occasions by 5 different people between ages 8 to 10, during the last assault I disassociated for the first time in my life. The 4th assault/sexual abuse started when I was 11 and lasted for just over a year - I disassociated on and off during this time. When things were violent, I “stepped out” in my mind so I’m not exactly clear what happened - but that dissacociation didn’t happen every time, so there is a lot where I’m very aware of what happened.

Because of the dissasociation and burying it along with the substance abuse to forget, I am only NOW confronting it. To me this didn’t happen 40 years ago, I’m living it right now. I can hear it, I can feel it, and it doesn’t matter how hard I try not to - I REMEBER every last detail.

I wish I could let it go, I wish I didn’t feel so worthless, so pathetic like I do now. I wish I could sleep in a deep peaceful sleep at night and not wake up feeling in such a panic that I think my heart is going to explode. I wish I didn’t burst into tears for no particular reason at all, I wish I wasn’t crying right now.

I can’t let it go because it’s not in the past, it’s now.

Hi @Razzle@Sophia1@frog@utopia@BlueBay@Hope4me@Former-Member

I am thrilled with the response here and the support people are giving - not just to the subject but to each other - this is more than I expected - it's wonderful.

No one has to answer and as someone - Sophia I think suggested - there are no right or wrong answers - I am exploring and idea I hope will help someone - these are some of my thoughts and some of my experiences and of course - some of my ideas

One idea I am offering is the idea of choice - maybe a subject I will open in the future - we'll see -

So - I am usually very busy on Fridays and today has been no different but I hope to answer everyone here if I can -

@BlueBay

I know your situation and I know you want to get out of it - I know you see no light atm and I so wish this was different - answer or not as you can - it is allowed to just read what I am writing but I sense you wish you could let it go -

It's scary to change things - I was at that point so long ago but still - in spite of the time since I have a vivid memory - I was seeing my minister and he told me he couldn't change anything for me - I had an "aha click" - I saw what I need to do and changed so much about myself - I even changed my name

Of course I didn't do this overnight - it took time but one thing I know - it's scary and it can cascade as it did for me - this cascade of events was positive

I wish the same for you

Dec

Thankyou @Owlunar it means a lot to be able to chat to you ❤️

Hugs @Razzle xx

You're welcome @BlueBay

I know you have given enough of your life away to your abusers and your mother and they don't care and this is a brutal truth

But what can you do?

This is up to you - and all I am doing is writing my thoughts really - though I wonder a lot about women and their self-esteem or lack of it.

I am wondering if you have ever watched a film called Looking for Alibrandi - it a coming-of-age film with the female-hero breaking out of her Ciclian background and I know you are of an Italian background and this might be highly enlightening for you while watching a good movie at the same time.

You can only do things when you are ready but it is important for you to take the chances as they occur - you write an incredible story and you are strong and I could tell you how I know that but for now - let that be when you are ready too

But take life at your pace - a break from Huffnpuff could be worthwhile - you are exhausted atm - that comes across very clearly

Dec

I agree that letting go is really important. But the question remains :

How Do We Let Go????? very important question @utopia

Hello @Owlunar, @BlueBay, @Razzle, @Sophia1

yes I was mentally /emotionally abused whhen i was young , even though mum and I left but my dad kept on rejecting me until 11 years ago when he passed away

still keeps popping up in my dreams and my mind @outlander