Hi @Appleblossom@BlueBay@Razzle@Jumpingcactus@utopia@MorningSilence@Maggie@Former-Member@Shaz51@Former-Member@soul@Zoe7@Sans911@MoonGal@Sophia1@Exoplanet@eth@frog
I had a little time out - part of the reason was to enjoy some beautiful weather and then I ran into a bunch of life issues - some of which were about my wifi connection - doncha just love talking to Telstra on the phone (sigh) and also - I wanted to spend some time thinking about a new subject which has not been easy - and I really want this thread to live because I am concerned to learn as much as I can about the lack of self-esteem that so many women have - and yes - it does have a lot to do with different forms of abuse what so many of us have encountered and it seems so wrong to me that the people who give us such a hard time when we are young seem to get away with it later in life
I wonder if they really do but we are not here about them - we are here about us
So the next subject is about Letting go of the Past - and I know this is hard but it's worth it
People in my real life and here in the forum have asked me about this - and about how I have forgiven my mother as well (she was into physical and emotional abuse which is annihiliting in ways as is sexual abuse). I can tell you I didn't do it for my mother - I did it for myself - I did not want to carry her rotten behaviour around for the rest of my life and it's hard to do - I know this
So - people have told me they are not ready to let go of the past and I understand - years ago I was told to let go of it - I remember saying it hurt to much and yes - I get this - I understand - it does hurt - and I think that there is the thought in many of us that if we let it go then it won't matter
But it does matter - it always will matter - it will always hurt and we want it to stop hurting and sometimes I wonder if it ever will
Also - I am sure that no one wants the pain of holding onto it. I am sure that if someone picks up the handle of a hot frying pan they won't hold onto it for long. Imagine that - telling ourselves that if we let go maybe the handle won't be hot anymore and the sore hand won't matter - whatever - I just invented the idea and like it but haven't thought about it.
I have picked up a hot handle and put it down fast and stuck my hand under the cold tap and yep - letting go works better - I am sure we all understand that one
Also - I have been asked how I forgave my mother - same thing - I did it for myself and the relief has been huge - guess what
I found I had dreams and I had worked through until they were realised. I had studied a lot and found myself to be highly qualified - I couldn't see this before I actually spoke to a therapist about it but it was there and I am not young anymore. All the time my mother was chipping at me - giving me a hard time about how I failed to achieve what she thought was important I was busy doing what I felt was important and walking away from her feeling lost and not seeing how I was living a successful life.
And after she had gone - it was like a huge mental and emotional house-cleaning - when I was speaking to this therapist I could see how great my own life is for me - choosing to please myself had been hard but I had done it.
And how often people cannot see their own strengths, the value of their own choices. Let go of the past and find our dreams, wishes, desires - who we love and what we love. We can find our own belief system and fill the spaces in our hearts with the good things around us because they are there.
Holding onto our pain stops us from seeing past it
And I know - people are afraid if they let go of all of their past it won't matter - but it does. It's matters.
I have been told by people who don't know what they are talking about to stop thinking about my son and yes - over thirty years is a long time to hold onto someone who has died. But I never will truly let go but I can let go of the hurt.
Weeks and months even can go past and I feel only the sorrow about missing him - a few days a year I feel the anguish and I think I always will. He matters. He meant a lot to me and I valued him and he has gone. On the bad days I feel terrible so I know it's important - that it happened - but most of the time I can go on without feeling torn down as I once did all the time
I will leave this here for now and wait for your comments - I value what everyone has to say - you all have your stories and they will be here in this archive - I have no idea where this can go but one thing I do hope and that is that all of you can find your future and letting go of the past is an important part of that
Dec
