Old Habits

Laying here tonight trying not to catastrophize my thought, but feeling like I am losing that battle. Why does the universe seem to think I need 2-3 major stressors all at once? Why not just 1? Last night my father rang to tell me is having spinal surgery on the 12 of Nov. this will be is 3rd operation since March 2017. The last time he was in hospital for 5 weeks and the did 3 weeks at a rehabilitation hospital. So this means I will have my mother staying with me, for who knows how many weeks. Oh it is also one of the busiest and most stressful times for me at work having over 320 assessments and end of year report cards to write in the next 3 weeks ( no time is given to us to do this during school time).

I am also still dealing with the side effects ( headache inducing jaw clenching, and another new symptom less friendly to the system) of my triple dose antidepressant. Psychiatrist is reluctant to. Hanger anything as he feels I am the best I have been in a long time. Guess the next few weeks will be the testing pot. Fingers crossed 🤞 that I make it through the next 6 weeks of work and family before horrible Christmas takes over ...bah humbug is already developing

This is a really busy time of the year for you and with everything else going on it would be making it so hard to get through. I feel for you @BlackCat13 - doing assessments and reports is hard enough but you are dealing with so much in your personal life as well.

I hope the side effects ease up a bit for you and the meds help. Also hoping everything goes ok with your Dad and that your Mum is not too hard to live with.

Goodluck with the next 6 weeks and getting to the holidays for a rest

I can’t seem to stop crying tonight. Random things, anything seems to set me off. Plus a realisation that I am an idiotic, naive person who seems to have nothing but a job she hates and a love for a fluffy cat who will eventually leave her more alone and isolated than she already is...

Soooooooooo tired and exhausted getting to sleep should be easy. WRONG!!! So I take my sleeping tablet and wait fir it to kick in, usually an hour or so. But lately I wake up and cannot remember what I was doing before I fell asleep, it’s a little scary. I was also told how great I seemed to be doing at work (my HOC knows a little about my history) instead of just saying thank you little miss accurate here pipes up sayin it is all show, robot mode kicks in and I get distracted. When the bell rings for home it is like coming out of a hypnotic trance and diving straight back into that dark, depressing pool of thoughts and overthinking. I’m struggling to do anything but sit on the couch and stare off into the nothing. Also wondering tonight if seasonal depression can be the opposite to the usual? I just hate this heat so much, would much rather be back in Melbourne in June 🧤☔️❄️

Hi @Blank I see you are relatively new to the forum so welcome.

What do you teach?

@BlackCat13 How are you doing Hon?

Hi @Zoe7 it has been a long difficult week but I now have a day to hide from the world an try to do some work on reports before my parents come down, we do the family thing for my sister’s birthday and then dad’s operation.

Hi @Blank,

It’s a tough job sometimes when mental illness takes a grip. I hope you have a calm night and day ahead.

I hope you get some of those reports done @BlackCat13 I know how much time they take and how much you need to put into them - not easy on the best of days but even harder when you have other things to deal with too. Goodluck with it all @BlackCat13 - will be thinking of you Hon

Dads spinal surgery is first up tomorrow. Have to get him to the hospital for 6am admission. There are 3 possibilities- shave off the burrs, attach metal plate to stabilise lower back and drill out spinal chord channel to relieve stenosis. Not 100% sure until they get inside.

I have emailed in my plan for the relief teacher tonight so I hope it is ok. I am taking a book to read , downloaded some Netflix shows and have a few hundred digital portfolios to mark to finalises semester 2 report card grades. Plenty of things to do if I can get motivated. Now to just get some sleep as I will have to be up at 4.30am to be there by 6am. Have been told he is first for the day. Fingers crossed it goes according to plan and the can wake him up easier this time from the anaesthetic.

Well off to try and get some sleep 😞