Support needed, support given ~ no religon or politics please...

@Former-Member

It's hard for you.

Please try and blank your mind. The trees outside grow to shade the land and the flowers are growing around you.

Sometimes it gives a person a sense of being more genuine when they can express their anger. @Former-Member You didnt hurt anybody by expressing it. There were truths in what you said and given you are dealing with side effects, it makes sense that you would be angry. Anger is better out than in ... but tricky doing it in socially acceptable ways .. nor do we want to let it consume us.

I loved your image of the sky crying. Under anger are usually gentler emotions.

I was wondering if you grow any of your vegetables? I am hopeless at it .. just a few herbs ...

Take care and Namaste

Dear @Former-Member

What a good message!

What is your best vegetable to grow?

Im sorry about the ECT. My sister in law have had 6. Poor lady. Your Psychiatrist sounds wonderful.

You are giving me tips and ideas about what to write to my brother. I will write to you and tell you once I have written a card to him.

Namaste to you @Former-Member

Thankyou for being on Sane Forums.......

PP

@Former-Member I tried to explain it ... your use of metaphor, your values, your honesty, your positivity, your courage and your clarity... it all comes through in your writing.

Glad you have a productive garden close. I would be a hopless farmer, but I have enjoyed learning about gardening as an older mum ... didnt have a back yard as a kid ... go vegies ..

I have known and lived with a lot of people with schizophrenia and understand acute and chronic states. I just dont hear the same sort of paranoia and blame in your posts ... maybe you are censoring yourself ... clear anger at a clear trigger is different ... and normal ... and I believe that that was the way out of it all becoming an undifferentiated mess and confusion of thought.

Eg., I spent days and months and years listening and eventually getting my husband to drop his CIA paranoias. He really wasnt that important to the CIA ... it was an inverted delusion of grandeur. I am talking about that sort of thing. He still is not a trusting person but lives fairly free and comfortable life. I dont like the CIA particularly and we could agree about that ... just not let fear of it from intruding on our lives.

You are lucky you have found a psychologist who bulk bills and YOU DESERVE IT.

The different professionals look at life through their training ... a carpenter will look at wood and think about grain and constructing things out if it ... there are simply limits to psychiatry. if the individual doctor has done his/her own inner work and has a lot of compassion they may be good ... but if they have gone into it for the prestige or money of being in medicine ... then .... may be less attentive to the details in their patients that could bring about relief from their distressing symptoms, with psychotherapy and less pharma.

I was horrified that a mhu wanted to give ECT to my son on a first episode ... we turned it around and they "extinguished" that idea, but I feel for you. I also have seen a lot of tardive dyskinesia .. and just want to support you ... but wisely ... not with relapses ... go gently bella.

That all makes sense as to how you are in your current situation. So you had a profound knowledge of fear and lack or trust. @Former-Member That is what paranoia is about.

My most paranoid times were always drug inspired and so it was easy for me to come off the green. Also as I associated with people who smoked a lot I heard references to paranoia ... a lot ... but not in a clinical sense ... until I read my father's hospital file. So gradually I try to put my people's life experienes into perswpective ... so I can see them as more than just a diagnosis. or as a person who was to provide me with a cushy life ... which obviously did not happen.

The only time I ever called the police on anyone was when my ex partner's ex partner went missing after an access with my step daughter for whom the Supreme Court had appointed me as a guardian.

However my mother used to call the police on many people during her life, but never to protect me ... hmmmm. The policeman eventually found her and was glad I had alreted the local police to her situation as there were a lot of drugs going around in front of little girl 5-6 yrs... there was no real flare up ... or trouble .. just a little reality check for biological mum to behave ... and my oldest girl came home just 3 hours later. it meant a lot to me ... the gentle but appreciative tone of voice that the policeman used to me during that incident.

In the last 10 years I have had a deep distrust of my mother's motives and actions as that was backed up by exclusions and hostility and lack of appropriate discussions ... I see it as responses to a real triggers. Not a late onset of schizophrenia at 45. As both my parents had that diagnosis ... I have tried to be very clear about things ... also trying to turn the family destiny around... for self and for children.

Namaste ... happy gardening.

Have you heard of the "5 rhthyms"? I went once with my old yoga teacher .. she loved it .. called it a yoga teachers' night club .. with no alcohol.

Hi @Former-Member

I've been reading a lot, but not posting so much this week, I'm feeling really heavy and tired. But wanting you to know that i'm reading, and it makes me feel so much less alone that you were thinking of me too.

You really are amazing, im so glad you are here on the forums. I hope you are able to get to Yoga this week and that it helps, as well as your other supports and strategies/skills that you have to help you get through these reductions.

Hugs,

LJ