Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Wow, good for you Maude.

I can't argue with anything you've said. Your post is filled with a subtext of courage and persistence in the face of terrible odds. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is a huge achievement in itself. We can only say it like it is.

I would have written something similar myself up to 4 years ago. Even now it still frustrates me enormously when I try to help others I know, or meet, to find help. As a consumer I have increasingly found myself in the voluntary role of advocate for others who are not as well as I am.

All I can say is you are not alone, and I'll apologise now because I know first-hand this can sometimes be reassuring and sometimes make it all the more painful!

Heartflet empathy and kindest regards,

Kristin

Hi Ivana,

I agree wholeheartedly with you. So sorry you also struggle with getting the help you need. I have heard of many others in your shoes. It should not be so damn hard.

What you say about gp shopping is also true in more rural areas, just much smaller choice and harder to do. Worthwhile if you are in a town with > 1 doctor, or there are other towns nearby. I drive 4 towns away (20 minutes) and have a wonderful gp who goes the extra 10 miles for me - listens, cares, calls a spade a spade, at one time even harassed a hopsital daily by phone until they called me back, in short absolutely amazing! But not with everyone, I know of others who found her dismissive - very saddening to hear.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Hey Dylan,

You seem to have been to hell and back (just googled your op as I had no idea what you were referring to). What an inspiration you and @FairyFox are to us all. The internal black hole of depression can certainly swallow us whole at times, and make all other things seem small and peripheral however earth shattering by comparison.

I am so glad to hear that you are both finding your own paths to healing and wellness, even though that search in itself can be a terrible and prolonged battle.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Hi FairyFox,

I just wanted to let you know that not everyone veers away from socialising/spending time with those suffering MI. Unfortunately it takes a special kind of person if they don't have first-hand experience of it. One of my beautiful friends doesn't suffer MI but she does get it, she has such a compassionate nature and manner.

I must admit though that most of my own close friends are fellow sufferers (of various "brands"). We spend time together even when we are doing it tough, or back off for a while by mutual consent if we can't bear the weight of each other's grief or anger for a period.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Hey Che,

Spot on the number as always!

The system is not the only game in town though. Increasingly we ourselves are here as part of an "alternate" way! You are quite right we need to keep advocating for change, when we can or must.

What you say not only makes better sense from a humanitarian perspective, but also from an economic perspective! I find it a no brainer, but maybe it's a prerequisite for entering mainstream politics that you have an emotional lobotomy first? Thankfully a few who "get it" somewhat do sometimes slip through.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Hi Ivana,

I totally agree with Nik here - they are excellent suggestions. Please don't underestimate the power of your ideas, even when they are fuelled partly by anger or frustration at injustice. Sometimes that is exactly what their strength is.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Dear FairyFox,

You write so powerfully and honestly, thanks so much for sharing more of your journey with us.

Acute and chronic pain and MI often go hand in hand. Back pain would have to right up there as one of the worst because it is so pervasive. Often you can't get away from it - it's just there as a debilitating part of your minute by minute existence, and even breathing can hurt.

You have been through so much, and for so long. Reading your post I was reminded of something I heard just after I had my first child - it was so sensible and such good advice I think it may even apply here. I'll tell you and you be the judge.

We are not rubber bands, we don't just snap back. It takes 9 months to get a baby belly, be kind to yourself and allow at least 9 months to gently lose it. - I think this might readily convert to advice about MI recovery.

For those of us who have suffered very long-term abuse, even (especially?) since childhood, it doesn't necessarily look like good news. However I have found the greatest gift through giving up my expectations and demands of myself to get well in any time frame or particular way. Having the self-kindness to realise and affirm, especially when I am in pain, that I have suffered much and survived. Growing beyond the past is a slow blossoming gift which I cannot rush, indeed rushing hinders it.

I hope you find a similar blessing in your journeying.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Dear Fairy Fox,

Sorry I got so caught up in responding to the first part of your post that I didn't read it all through before hitting post myself.

I can hear so much common ground with my own journey in your grief and isolation as a self-protection. I managed to do the same thing in the midst of caring for my three kids pretty much full-time. Please do not blame yourself for this.

It is a natural and even life-saving response in the short term. One of the hardest things about trauma responses is that they are designed to save our lives, and do. Without a wider community to encourage us and love us back to our life-giving selves it can be crippling - emotionally and physically.

So for what it's worth I'm sending you a big HUG, may you find yourself wrapped in the warm embrace of angels' wings.

I'm not sure if you've seen my painting Outpouring of Grace but if not you might want to search under http://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-our-wellbeing/Art-is-a-guarantee-of-mental-health/td-p/2051/highlight/true/page/2

Keep up the amazing work, and be gentle with yourself.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Hi Loopy,

Thanks for the ABC Open pointer, I had missed it. It looks good. Is this how you ended up doing an interview with ABC for MH week?

I think you are a wonderful generous sounding board, and your community and family are missing out big-time not embracing what you offer.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Hey Sandy,

Good for you. I must remember to ask about it again at EACH next week.

I keep meaning to ask you - if it's not an intrusive question - roughly whereabouts you are. I get the impression of Melb outer East, but may be wrong. Don't answer if you don't feel comfortable doing so. (I'm in the upper Yarra Valley.)

Kind regards,

Kristin