skyehavenSenior Contributor
Lost and confused
Hi I am new here. I had a major breakdown at my work 22 months ago, it lead to chronic severe major depressive disorder, long story short, I have spent over 100 days in hospital this year, due to severe suicidal thoughts and self harming. It was over 5 admissions, my work place of 24 years has turned on me, even though my breakdown was their fault and I am on work cover, they said some things after my first hospital admission that really hurt me, and my condition got quite a bit worse that it was alredy, which was bad enough, my self harming is almost every day now when I am not in hospital, last Monday I had to go to emergency medical attention, and even though I said I didn't feel safe they only kept me overnight. Seems I have spent too much time in hospital now and they just want to send me home asap. I see a psychiatrist every week and a psychologist every week as well, my psychiatrist also wants to keep me out of hospital, which is why I see them both weekly. I have managed not to self harm for 5 days since Monday's hospital visit, but did slip up in a minor way today, I still am, so I am not liking my chances of being able to resist the urge for too much longer. I feel like even going to emergency is a waste of time for me now, as they just want to send me home. I feel like my life is over, and I am just breathing, waking up, surviving and going back to sleep, my work place even though I am still employed there for now (haven't been there this year due to not fit to work on my certificate), they won't let me on the propery and also have banned some my workmates from talking to me, and others have just chosen to abandon me, and I miss working and miss my workmates despite their betrayal. But I can barely get through a day without a major struggle, and don't cope with any stress.
