Hey @The-red-centaur,
That sounds so terrifying what's happening for you right now. It is a great idea to reach out and speak to someone for some extra support if you feel that's what you need. Unfortunately the Sane Helpline can get busy quickly in the evenings so I wanted to remind you of the other helplines in case Sane Helpline is unavailable.
Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling
Samaritans: 135 247
If in immediate danger: 000
What do you think you need now The-red-centaur?
Take care of yourself,
Tortoiseshell