a subject line

@-Rayne- Thinking of you.

thanks y’all, i know nobody else can fix any of this but it helps to just get it out of my head.

@Whiteknight i’d love to do that. i used to say i was going to quit my job and raise llamas... not meaning that specifically but the general gist. now that i’m stone cold broke, it’s the idea of going bush with a vehicle i can sleep in when it rains and not much else. sounds really good to me now 🙂

i keep having these times of panic though where i frantically apply for jobs between panic attacks. it’s stupid because even if i got one of these jobs they’re super-high stress and i wouldn’t cope now.

@utopia ty for the validation. i’m working up courage to call him.

I came home from work at lunchtime, feeling sick but I suspect it’s just alcohol and stress. There’s a job advertised in the WA town i used to live in, which I could apply for. I can’t make the decision though. My brain is just feeezing. It’s annoying as hell.

Going to read others’ posts and try to forget myself.

I came home from work at lunchtime, feeling sick but I suspect it’s just alcohol and stress. There’s a job advertised in the WA town i used to live in, which I could apply for. I can’t make the decision though. My brain is just feeezing. It’s annoying as -

Going to read others’ posts and try to forget myself.

I feel like I live in between everywhere or maybe everyone at once which is the same as nowhere.

We are DID/multiple.

We are survivors of ritual, physical, sexual, emotional abuse. We have an urgent need to present to the day world as competent, capable etc. For the most part we do, but our standards are high. It often seems like we don't.

We don't trust anyone. We love our partners (two) but we know they will unintentionally hurt us sooner or later.

We want to get out of the rat-race but we feel guilty for that. We should be contributing (everyone can contribute). It's selfish and wrong of us to want to go away and just lick our wounds, so to speak. Much loudness tonight. We wish for someone to force us to do some thing or the other. We cannot decide. It will be wrong.