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-Rayne-Senior Contributor11 May 2018, 1:32 am AEST

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I haven’t been on sane for what seems like ages. I confess, I forgot it existed. Now I remember and I’ve come back at 1:30am, afraid to sleep.

There are new boards and everything. I like that.

I’m here at this time because I’m afraid to sleep. I have DID, PTSD and now my biggest health issue, I’m alcoholic... and still drinking. DID makes quitting complicated but right now that’s not the main thing. I just lost motivation. Being shitfaced has become my life goal.

Wonder if this will be deleted. I forget the details of rules here. Sorry mods.

Rayne

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utopiaSenior Contributor11 May 2018, 2:36 pm AEST

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@Rayne. Welcome back. I love your avatar picture. It's a very positive image. So hoping that will reflect your future soon.
I have had PTSD - now treated but live with major depression. I learnt to self medicate with alcohol. You are not alone here on the forum re: alcohol.
If you have a look around there are threads regarding alcohol use that members have written.
I've given up a few times. And relapsed. Currently alcohol free. After the first week or so it gets easier.
Please if you do decide to give up alcohol, please do it with your gp or at a clinic. Withdraw from alcohol on your own can be dangerous.
But maybe for now, rather than focus on givingup alcohol - you may need some ffriendsand uunderstanding - without judgement. I believe you will find that here on the forum.
So very impressed that you have posted here and been so honest.
Try and be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can at the moment.
I hope we can talk further another day.

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AppleblossomSenior Contributor12 May 2018, 3:17 pm AEST

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If I remember right you are also a brilliant dude with lotsa talent.

So I hope some better more interesting goals show up shape shifting in the light among the trees ....

Good to see you @-Rayne-

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Unknown userMember14 May 2018, 11:21 pm AEST

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Hi @-Rayne,

Welcome back to the forums and it's great that you can be open and talk realistically about your struggles with alcohol and other things. That old demon drink helps to numb things out for a while, doesn't it? And as you rightly say, it robs one of motivation and energy to try something else to move forward.

I'm sure you will get plenty of support here and chats with people who are using alcohol to cope with mental illness to some degree.

Take a look at the forum guidelines here when you have 10 minutes and you will be up to date with everything. We can overlook SF but other profane words may be edited 🙂

Take care,

Frog

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MaggieSenior Contributor15 May 2018, 8:29 am AEST

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@-Rayne- Welcome back. I share the DID experience with you. Good to see you around.

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utopiaSenior Contributor17 May 2018, 5:40 pm AEST

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@Rayne. I'll just tag @TAB in here too. He may also be interested in your thread here.

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-Rayne-Senior Contributor17 May 2018, 5:56 pm AEST

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Thanks everyone. I remember you @Appleblossom and @Maggie. Thanks for responding.

I'm in that confused place where your head just spins and everything seems to connect to everything else and there's no obvious place to jump off the merry-go-round.

I drink because I'm stressed. I'm stressed because I'm broke and failing at everything. I'm broke and failing at everything because I drink so much. Being stressed makes me dissociate. Dissociating too much makes me fail at everything. Failing makes me stressed (wait, I said that already).

I have no psych at the moment because I'm broke so sorta alone with my chaos. I'm trying to jump out of the loop by getting a job that will allow me to move and hopefully apply for bankrupcy to address some of the stress. But the stress of job-searching seems to be making all of the above worse.

Thanks for reading. So glad this place is still here and thriving.

Rayne

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Unknown userMember17 May 2018, 8:25 pm AEST

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@Rayne hell isn't fun. I struggle with a few addictions from having ptsd. I have used a substance for a while now. Not alcohol though. Sounds like a cycle. I am the same with my own. I think i also have a spending problem.. Also an eating disorder.

I know how hard it is to stay calm.
I dissociate all the time. It makes me feel lost as ever.

Hope you are ok at the moment.

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MaggieSenior Contributor18 May 2018, 5:22 am AEST

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@-Rayne- Sorry you are caught on the merry go round, not being merry at all. I was wondering if you have thought of looking for a social worker until you can afford a psych? I have found a really supportive one where I am. They might be able to help in other areas also, they can be good all rounders, sorry about the all rounders and you being caught on the merry go round.

Here listening if you need to talk.

@Former-Member Hi there, listening if it's helpful

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Unknown userMember18 May 2018, 3:30 pm AEST

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Thanks @Maggie i feel a bit shut down today.

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MaggieSenior Contributor18 May 2018, 5:54 pm AEST

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I was like that yesterday @Former-Member. Curled up in bed hoping to never get up again, but today a little light. I hope tomorrow a little light peeps through. 🌺🌺

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