Change

Hi @dhr53,

There's no need to apologise for being sad on here.

The saying that you refer to I think goes like this: Please grant me serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, courage to accept the things that I can change, and wisdom to know the difference.

I think the challenge in that saying - as well as life - is knowing what is and isn't possible to change in your life.

Sounds like it's isolating living in your rural town, and that you're unable to find the company that you'd like there. May I ask how long have you lived there? Although your hubby might not be up to getting out and about, is this something you could do?

By the way, come and join us for Friday Feast here tonight if you're free. @Jacques, @Mazarita @Shaz51 and @Former-Member are there. We'd love your company.

CherryBomb

hi @dhr53 welcome to the forum , my husband who has anxiety and depression , we live in a small rural town , my husband has four children who lives a long way except for onewho lives 40 minutes away .

We don`t have any close friends , but i try to keep in communications with our children and family , it will take time and I have found the forums are so great like @CherryBomb said , and if you have any questions just ask

Hi @dhr53 How are you today ??

@dhr53 - Sorry you are lonely, I know how that feels. I too end up saying way too much to shop assistants because I am isolated at home. I'm now the odd-customer who talks about wierd stuff. <laughing at myself> My main company is my partner who works and supports us (I am very fortunate) and they too are busy with work and just wanting to 'unwind' when home.

The saying about "accepting the things you cannot change", also comes with "the courage to change the things you can" and... "The wisdom to know the difference".

Change doesn't have to be huge, life relocations etc - it can be attitudinal, or just doing something slightly different. Setting some goals and reaching milestones might be helpful? (I need to listen to myself here!).

Hi @MoonGal you are totally right , just little changes makes all the difference ,

My main company is my Husband too who works and supports us (I am very fortunate),and is too busy with work and just wanting to 'unwind' when home. but I had to change my way of thinking , which has been the best thing i have done -- i find if i am calm and relaxed , he is too

I still need to remind myself from time to time

@dhr53 - Living in a rural place must make it very difficult to connect easily - and the 65 km drive there and back, makes it hard and a real effort, and too much 'thinking time' on the way home, eh?

I certainly didn't say it was ALL in the attitude by any means, yet, really where we are, our lives, what we decide to do - these things are circumscribed by having to weigh a lot of things in the balance. What DOES definitely help me (when I am travelling well) is setting my attitude with intention and attention. Making the most, or the best of the situation.

I used to be a high level manager with a team, I was responsible for a lot of stuff, worked 80 hour weeks, thrived and survived in a difficult fast paced environment for near on a decade, then all that changed, it has taken me several years to come to terms with the fact that I 'broke' - that I am no longer capable of doing that kind of level of work, (or any paid work anymore). I felt helpless, hopeless, useless and despondent about my life's prospects being in my early -mid fifties with a good brain (when it isn't being mucked about by Bi polar). I have carved out a small life now, it is full of home and dogs and being for the first time in my life a stay at home 'wife'. I tackle projects around home like I am still the 'manager' and make it my 'job' to create a home for my partner as they are the one having to go out and earn our living. I take that role very seriously like it is a 'paying' job - because it is!

So my attitude which used to be - "I am worth 'more than this", "I should be able to work", "I must be able to do xx or I am not a worthwhile human being", how "unfair it all is that I just want to do xx and can't anymore" had to change or I would drown in my own sorrow and mis-alignment of values and lifestyle. I adjusted my atttitude through - acceptance - I accepted that, despite the other part of me wanting it to be different, that its not, and all my railing against it was never going to make me what I no longer am.

I also got sober, stopped drinking and accepted that no matter what is going on in my life, drinking doesn't make it any easier or better, everything is harder with a hangover, relationships, work, friendships, mental health balance, fitness - everything. I have not had a drink for 5 years, and no matter how hard it got during those 5 years, and boy was it tough - severe back injury, surgery, mental health crisis, frail elderly Mum, losing my job, having a full-hysterectomy, losing both my darling dogs in the same year - I didn't pick up, because I KNOW that drinking alcohol was self medication (not a disease in itself per se) and now I know what is wrong with me, and have some relief from some medication I let that be the only mood altering 'drug' I take.

I hope sharing my story here shows more what I mean by attitude - For me it is a sailing term, and when one is becalmed at sea, or a storm is blowing - it is in the 'attitude of the sails"that makes or breaks us, it means one has a chance to ride out the conditions - skilfully -.

Hi @dhr53

That does sound like a really isolating part of the country. I live in a regional town now but used to live out of town on a small propery while i was married. I was isolated but more because of my ex partner being very controlling than there not being anywhere to go.

I was wondering if you would be interested in joining a group of some sort in the nearby town, like the CWA or LION, they usually only meet once a month in most places, and i did see that some LIONs groups in regional areas are going to meet by skype soon!! I was wondering if having something to look forward to might help in easing some of the intensity...

After a while with my ex i was able to go do the shopping once a week in the nearest shopping centre and it was something that kept me going during the week a lot, especially after i managed to link in with a womens wellness nurse after my second child was born who would meet with me and catch up for a chat (and eventually i shared with her my home circumstances and another long time later eventually left!).

I was also wondering if there are any hobbies you already do that could help you to get out and about? or local/semi local football club? we had a footy club about a half an hour away that did thursday night teas regularly through the football season and then continued right up to christmas run by the church ladies, and everyone was welcome there for meals, not just the players.

I also hope htat being on here might help a bit too,

LJ