Fragile

Writing and posting at the same time @Appleblossom . Will read and respond to your new post now.

Oh @Appleblossom .

the ndis stuff sounds awful. I can’t believe they can’t make the system mh friendly and understand the tricky bits that tip us over, like not being notified of a cancellation.

It was lovely to read of a female friendship beginning to blossom for you. You are doing well. I know it will always be a bit tricky but all the work and persistence you put in will pay off. You are so open to learning and understanding human relationships that you will continue to find openings to new ones. 💜🤗

@Appleblossom

Hey @Appleblossom so sorry to hear of the sw no-show yesterday. Outrageous. I would get straight onto your coordinator of supports and tell them and let them know it is simply not acceptable and also tell them how it has affected you. It is their job to make sure your requirements are clearly communicated to the sw's and their organisations. You have a right to have advance notice of any changes. I know how it feels coz I've had it happen. You also have the right to tell you CoS you want to change to a different sw organisation.
I really strongly suggest you check out HireUp. The sw's choose their own hours, communicate directly with you, and are much more flexible and also more reliable in my experience. Even if you have a CoS you are able to make your own bookings without having to go through them. This is all possible if you are plan managed or self managed.

Take care lovely xx

@eth @outlander @Teej @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @frog @Former-Member

Slept last night in my sons room. Feeling oddly afloat and unmotivated, and less driven, or is that just cant be bothered. Not sure.

At least it is not heavy down on my self or running, running from feelings.

King Cat just needed my butler door services, but told him I cannot go for walk or work in garden cos I am not getting dressed. Garden is looking fabulous atm but there a few areas needing work and a trim more than I can manage. Nothing is pressing and I dont have to be a disciplined martinet. Played piano ... some gentle scales. Have not touched it much for a while.

Wondering if the most important thing to do know is to establish a support system that cocoons me. Mixed feelings about being capable or being disabled and having services or just getting my act together.

Alexander Technique workshop from last weekend is still with me, gently allowing and giving permission for my neck to be soft and free.

Not forcing myself to get on with things. Facing degree of aloneness and abuse and neglect in my life and why I am so weird.

@Appleblossom

Sounds like a bit of clarity is going on within u which is great.

Your brain is sorting thru whats working what you want how u feel etc

Thats all good

I had a session a bit like that with psychologist today just analysing everything.

Ive heard good results from alexander technique

Glad youre getting some relief using it.

I have scholiosis so my body is contant work to keep mobile.

A story for another day.

Hey @Appleblossom ,

I think going with the flow and allowing yourself to have restorative time, however that comes, is good.

For me there is comfort to having a support team I can trust. It doesn’t mean that I need them always but it has helped immensely to get through the tough times. I finally understand what it’s like to have support that works after many years of support that was probably more destructive. I don’t think there has to be abled or disabled. It just needs to work for you. All the ndis stuff has created even more harmful labels and boxes. It’s just paper work that you have to have to tick the boxes. It seems that the process however places too much emphasis on labels and nowhere near enough empathy or understanding of the difficulties for those applying or in the system.

I dont think 'weird' by the way. Weird to me sometimes conveys a bit of insecurity about the person. I also think weird in the right context can be a term of endearment. I’ve been called weird by friends before but not in a condescending judgemental way. A teacher once told my friend that all my kids were quirky and at the time I felt a little offended. Ironically my friend had been told hers were too. The truth is that quirkiness amounts to being an 'individual' with passionate values and beliefs. I now see quirkiness as a desirable quality. My children’s so called quirks have become their strengths in adult life. I would put you in that quirky box. One that’s interesting and passionate and always curious. Someone I’d like to have conversations with.

Im not dismissing your past or life experiences that have made your life very difficult. I could never do that. Sometimes those life experiences make things harder but sometimes having survived them and striving for the best life is an amazing feat and gives you unique insight and skills. I am so much a better person for having taken the time to share your story and understand your beautiful quirky traits, intelligence, passions and compassion and for having become an online friend.

Hugs 💜🤗

Thank you friends @Former-Member @Teej

I settled on playing piano. Maybe its time to slowly ease back into it. Gently just for me. It has been a few years. No big pressures. A little every day if not too busy. Beethoven Largo e mesto. Mournful and slow and not too hard on the hands and neck.

So much musical competitiveness from my dear darling son, who reacted against others competitiveness, but felt "safe" competing with me. First job as mum getting him off and running. SO much in the air atm. It makes sense for me to reclaim piano.

Thanks for reply

I feel brave enough to go to email and read reply from other grandfather ... re our new family member.

Gently Bently

Apple

Hugs

@Appleblossom I don’t know if I appreciate weird because I am weird, or because it gives me some strange kind of comfort in being different, when sometimes I’d like to fit in to the delusional normal.

I have the support of one person. I can’t go over and over my story and history, and the 12 sessions repeat is too stressful. I’ve needed slow/stop one person approach. Trust issues, along with all the others. I believe in the power of one, but finding a good fit has taken a long and very painful time. It’s not perfect, nothing is, but support is valuable.

Facing abuse and neglect is a huge undertaking. It’s ( for me ) woven in and through everything, even though I hear the words, you are not what happened to you, in part, it annoys me, because ( for me ) it filters through everything, even when I’m unaware.

Anyway, I might be off topic and reading too much into it.

I appreciate you. I don’t say much, but think a lot. 💜💜💕💕