Fragile

@Appleblossom

@Appleblossom ❤️❤️❤️🌷🌷🌷🌷

Hi @Appleblossom

ive been pretty absent from the forum in the last month ish and just catching up here. How are you going? Has your week been ok? I’d love a catch up with how you are. 💜🤗

100% @Appleblossom 💜💕💜💕💜

Thank you @Maggie @outlander

@Teej

Hugs Bella

Lovely to hear from you.

I have been lower profile on the forums too.

I noticed you are having some calm time alone at home. That can be such a blessing if it is not too much.

My week. Hhhhmmm. Atm I am home alone and taking it easy with old cat and will go to Bunnings today for house reno research.

I had 2 separate prn events this week due to flare ups

I cancelled my weekend singing at the tulips. I had 2 zoo days and joined the Climate strike in Melbourne/Naarm. So a flushed healthy feeling of wholesome tiredness and lots of good people interactions.

The ist prn event was still not enough meds to stop me crying in choir rehearsal on Tuesday, but conductor is reasonable, so I may continue that to concert in October.

I am not yet allowed to be involved with my grandbub. We just have to CONTINUE to get through all this. SO I get triggered too, but have a lot of restraint. I did tell him to "go" a couple of times in the height of feeling. Its better they learn to stand own 2 feet than get toxic with their mothers.

Is that TMI? I know you get complexities of dealing with adult sons.

He has arranged to go to his gp with me later in the week so he is taking getting a MH care team responsibly. SO things are settled again and I will catch up with the group from this weekend in November, so now major harm done to my music commitments.

@Appleblossom

First meet and greet with NDIS peer support ... was a no show and a no cancellation ... no info til I made the call to provider ... told she was going to call me to let me know it has been rescheduled... I asked "if this was normal" ... first time for me to ask such a q ... hmmmm. There are a lot of tings going through my head as I ask q ... is this normal ... too much ... head exploding ...

I dont need to be told that they are trying to get care for everybody ... as an excuse that they did not even inform me ....gripe over

We will see how it is tomorrow ... if she shows and if she is a match ...

Not a good start

Feelings ...

Nauseous .... rushes to the head ... funny vision effects .... kinda like tripping ... so late in life so prob not a hallucination .... ha ha

those feelings were around today as I was waiting ... and doing odd jobs ... so used to waiting ....

eating early din ... made 3 lil meals ... then off to doco to learn about a massacre ... I guess that is a way of thinking about the truth about what happened to my family ...

I am grateful for any support I have received on the forums ... but it took a very long time for any body to be able to relate to my experiences or pain .... still does ... good thing is I received an email from a lady I like in choir ... she goes with rough and tumble debate ... and when I apologised for being assertive she was fine taking it on the chin

... FIrst time in my life ... feeling of even give and take in female friendship/relationship

another lady ... was friendly but seemed to take on energy and strength and praise when I was crying the other week ... she also doubted me when I said I was not good at being critical ... sick of being doubted ... and having to strain to be heard ... it is what it is.

Hey Bella @Appleblossom ,

it wasn’t too much information at all. Sorry for the delayed reply.

You have had had so many roller coasters and triggers and good moments all mixed in. I hope the choir is still going ok.

The zoo gig feels like it has been such a good outlet for you. I’d imagine there is lots of diversity in human and animal interactions (possibly hard to tell between them at times 😜)

I hope you can be more involved in grandchild’s life. I think the understanding of family and the generation gaps are making it harder for those connections. I think that I’m experiencing that with one of my sons gf. They need life to be about them and their way only. They are not yet mature enough to see beyond themselves and what family means. I get a little hurt but I know once they grow up a bit they might become more aware of the intricacies of family love.

When we started on the forum I was an instant response but lately it’s been more like posting snail mail.

I am feeling ok with my mh. It seems I go longer before the inevitable crash but its often not as intense. I’m also eating Keto. I think it’s helping my metabolism and energy levels. It’s still predominantly vegetarian Keto with some fish or chicken. It’s taking a long time to get my head around and I still crave sugar but the health benefits for me are helping me to stay disciplined (not often I can say that word and link it with me :face_with_rolling_eyes:😜)

Earlier this week I had gynae surgery which has gone smoothly. I have court in the next few days for property settlement. I will be very busy for the next month if it all gets signed off tomorrow. We will have a month to ready the house for sale. It’s a big ask.

I hope you are going ok. Feel free to share how you are if you are up to it. I will always read it but sometimes not respond because of life circumstances.

Sending you hugs and warm thoughts on this beautiful spring day. 💜🤗