Fragile

@Appleblossom Hi Appleblossom funny you talk about growing up with gay friends and relations around you. We had a couple of gay friends of my grand mother and they were delightful. I also had a gay friend in my late teens who thinking about it I miss to this day I remember remember him so well .... we used to go out to gay bars with his boyfriend, I felt so safe with him. No gays up where I live at least not openly lol ... say no more. greenpeaxx

Hey @Appleblossom I feel a deep connection with you too. You are one of the few people I've known here since pretty much the beginning of my time on the forums. We might not have long chats often these days but our connection is still felt by me.

You too @Teej

Also similar values and political orientations @eth Mostly I like reading yourposts and I see you as more socially connected even though you are less likely to do things on your own. I seem to have more freedom and will do stuff but am a bit more raw ... maybe ... just hugs ... say no more ...

@Bunniekins

There are wonderful things about gay cultures ... there were 2 guyz in public service who were just good value .... visited them in Bondi later ... did not have to put up with misogynism sheeela stuff. One uncle was an artist, his 2nd life long partner became family. They were brilliant cooks and had brilliant aesthetic, furniture and home.

The other uncle was a teacher, married to my biol aunt, had 2 kids, but identified heavily as a high camp gay. He actually took some interest in me as a young person in late teens, was a secondary teacher and did a few caring things for me as well as introduce me to lots of queens. In end they split and he stayed gay. He is the one with heavy tardive dyskinesia .... so its difficult .... but he has a fairly good life in fancy suburb and a dreadful snob about real estate.

Also I knew girls from school who were into the queer girls cultures ... quite different from the boyz. I visited but too busy making a living or studying to party hard ... in any sexual orientation ... so doing it here ... ha ha ... forum land partying .... lol .... then also worked and lived in areas of high gay and drag populations ...been in the burbs for 30 years now ... so I rarely met them now ...just the other night at a friends gig.

@Appleblossom your life sounds so colourful full of such interesting people :). I had that too growing up it is different now for me even though I am not in the burbs (I live near a little group of shops and cafes) it is very classic australian beachy area which thank god is getting more cosmopolitan. I like seeing different ethnic groups it makes life interesting.

@Bunniekins

SOunds really lovely ... def worth walking there ....

I have often lived around different ethnic groups, had Aboriginal, German, Italian and Hungarian and Australian friends ... sort of .... growing up .... though .... none close over long periods .... cos of endless moves ...

I like different ethnic groups around too.

I might settle on this Motor Mechanic. They are Indian, I can get an anti reaction from Aussie tradies ... cos of lots of early negative experiences here.

Live and Learn.

Watching the movie

:A Waltz through the Hills

also loved Walkabout

Seeing all the childish ways and remembering ... and comparing the differences ... my stomach is really tight ,,, but I am not overwhelmed ....

A waltz through the hills is set in the 1950s whereas for us it was mid 1960s ..

I was younger than the 9 year old ... but nor did I go gallivanting ...but knew the reality of being split up from my brother and sister that I did look after for over a week.

its good to see the attitudes of the surrounding people ... and talk about welfare practices ..

the neighbours actually called the welfare .... i read a note on the file ... but then they redacted it when they gave me a copy ...

So I finally finished the Aussie movie Waltz through the Hills. I felt some of the acting by the children was overblown and that is it was a bit Hollywoodish. I was triggered for a few days.

It released memories of my older little brother who looked a lot like that boy, but it was after the period we were left. He looked like my brother after his years in the homes and returned home to live with us. I liked the lizards, and remember bro finding one in the Grampians and bringing it home with us.

It was helpful watching it overall, now that terribleness of bro's mental health problems and violent behaviours, and then the grieving has past, it is good to have a calm sense of nostalgia and remembering our love for each other, in spite of the way my American husband manipulated things in my family and made things somehow go much worse than I ever imagined possible. I had hope and he used it up and drained it for his own uses, then turned us against each other, but pretended everything was my family;s fault and that he and his family were perfectly good, but with sniggers, that I think upsets my son, cos he can tell there is something off about his dad.

I looked like the girl in Waltz through the Hills, same age etc, but did not put on crying like she did. I was more serious and I was the one who had to look after the littlies 4 and 2.

Then I watched April 9 which was about Danish invasion, and a bicycle troop, brings up memories of my Dutch family's stories.

Now I am watching Fanny's Journey. I can relate to these children too. I like the European movies, they dont overact. One of the few women I could connect to in Melbourne, was a Dutch Jew who had been sent to the Dutch countryside during wwii. Failure to connect has never really been about my lack of authenticity, more just social mismatches. It is victim blaming to presume it is, and not looking at the true situation. It is hugely insulting actually. She died recently and my Dutch friends went to her funeral. We only met a few times, had similar academic interests and same uni and I knew a Jewish girl who also knew her. I thought about going, but have been teased for going to too many funerals, and in the end, she did become a friend as such, just an acquaintance. She was older than me, but same age as my friends, so it made sense they went and did not. My son does not like me going to funerals all the time, tho he was not the one who teased me, it just reminds him of all the losses in the past, I guess.

Yes this is Australia. 2019.

.

How long does it take to move on. WHat does it require to move on.

My son had a good night last night with new acquaintances, who may become friends, and I dropped him off to do a concert today.

Sadly, it seems my gp blames me for things going wrong as a reason why I dont have lots of friends now. I just read her ndis support letter, though she said I could add things and change things too.

@Former-Member @outlander @Bunniekins @eth @Zoe7 @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Teej

@Queenie @Kurra @Mazarita @PeppiPatty \\

@Jacques here is my ramble.

Dont take wwii stuff just mentioned personally in any way as I know you have german background. I am so upset about the REASONS for the rise of National Socialism, the whole Versaille treaty and still have my Kathe Kollwitz WHO poster, about feeding the little children of germany and other of her wonderful prints, in my home. It is my little effort and personal way to heal over the whole European debacle, poverty, industrialisation, etc etc.

Next month I am off to do an ORFF course and I loved doing Carmina Burana with its medieval texts both sacred and secular.

Take Care

still the same ole

Apple

@Appleblossom Oh Appleblossom it can take a long time to move on if at all and everyone is individual. Sometimes we move on with certain things easier than other things Particularly things that shaped us as children. I was told by a lecturer once in class that all our cells in our body renew and regenerate themselves completely over several years at a time. That means we a a whole new person but our memories stay the same maybe our outlook on them changes a bit overtime as we mellow and age.

Don't worry about what the doc said re friendships and putting the blame on you they have to paint the worst possible picture to get the funding .... you should have been there at seen what my mental health nurse said about me made me feel quite stupid to say the least. greenpeaxxxx