Fragile

@Sophia1 come over here and chat if you like

I had a good day, pruned my rose, doing my community singing group, then visited a couple of new friends, had to drop off a form to them. Then home made Parma and chips.

Hi @Appleblossom!

How are you this week?

Would love an update on your music and writing. 🤩

@Dimity Thinking of you too, how is everything going in your world? 💛

Writing is on back burner, but working on having thoughts front and centre of my mind and seeing what actually comes out of my mouth. @AuntGlow was cheered up listening to Fred Dag on the Science Show, and thought I could mention that and friends birthday during the break. Completely different things come forth from my mouth, but it was chatty and people seemed to like it. I really used to hate the break,,,, at school or in activities … so it is new for me to actually feel I can relate to people and relax… mostly I felt safer in the work.,,, lol…

I focused on things we had in common.

lots of music

played organ last Sunday,,, Schubert voluntary

2 choirs… church and secular

3 rehearsals with one group…. Music is pretty gorgeous..,, from Early music to contemporary… private practice… etc etc

Sounds good @Appleblossom .

Hello @AuntGlow . I'm still trying to muddle through legal and financial stuff that had come unstuck. The family stuff has gone very quiet - not good when I'd been on the cusp of securing family therapy.

My usual (virtual) contacts are away on holiday at different ends of the country so I feel even more cut off than usual.

Hopefully there'll be an upswing in maybe 3 weeks.

Wow, this is amazing @Appleblossom!!

I am so curious, what do you think has been helping with your ability to connect with others and feel safer in the work? Is it focusing on the things you have in common? (That really does help, doesn't it?)

Ah, I love hearing about your music - organ, that must feel so empowering to play - it's such a huge instrument!!

Hi @Dimity,

I am so sorry to hear that things are feeling unthethered... I am sure that's quite unsettling and vulnerable for you. I can only imagine how hard it would be to not have your regular supports accessible right now.

What do you think we could do to support you over the next few weeks? 💛

Hugs @Dimity

@AuntGlow ahaha…. I have played a pipe organ but not great with the feet, the one at my regular church is a clavinova… ie electric and digital so I can choose the voice. However the concert we are doing this weekend includes another church and a chamber music group and with a pipe organ with a turned on organist who knows what she is doing. I laughed in rehearsal and told her I would try not to boogie…lol…

yes, the sharing of what we have in common is important and helpful, but it really matters what is genuinely in the other person, it is best if it’s not contrived… or leaning too far away from our inner core. I have usually been attentive and focused on that approach. It is just that too often my experiences did not resonate with others, so mostly I was quiet, and watched others get excited about their favourite shows or rock stars.

I worked hard to reach out and fit in, but probably worked too hard.

@Appleblossom I remember Sergio De Pieri in St Pats on a rare visit to the big smoke when I was 8. Soul stirring toccata and fugue

Yes the need for resonance... to chime in from time to time and to remain open to that possibility even when not hearing it

@AuntGlow I'm not sure what support looks or feels Iike but I appreciate recognition from folks... I so often feel a stranger.

Ah St Pats… @Dimity would have been special.

I have sung classical repertoire in all the city churches , but can you believe the first record I bought at 15, was Machinehead by Deep Purple! I think it was partly to try to understand all the fuss and enthusiasm by other kids. Now I look back I think it is hilarious. It just showed the music that was around me in my impressionable teens. That is kind of what I mean by stretching too far. I tried to fit into my peer group and til I was 20 ish was learning from everyone else but as I settled more and more into me, I accepted my core was classical. @AuntGlow

My early smatterings were classical @Appleblossom but my first LP at 14 was Cat Stevens. I was never really in with a crowd. I've dipped into other genres. Have a few West African CDs.

Must be nice to have a sense of core. My music lessons were fractured several times... there was a sense of transgressing mother-the-musician's territory. But a sibling persevered. My books and recordings have been untouched too long, they're waiting to be rediscovered.

Tried to join in a live online meditation yesterday, I wept. I'd been meaning to try meditation again but it can feel exposed and raw... the peace may come later.