Fragile

Oh wow, you sound much more organised with packing than I am! haha I really am so happy to know you will have some stability here. I hope you are able to treat yourself to something nice, to thank yourself for showing up in such a big way. @Cuddlebear 🤩

I will leave it as is for the moment @AuntGlow But maybe should edit it for privacy and anonymity later

Absolutely @Appleblossom.

Wow, it sounds like choral music holds such a special place in your heart and spirit. I feel the same.

We also grew up with very little money, it can be so tough... but I think music is such a safe and healing way to manage these challenges.

Daaamn, you are an intelligent human!

Oh my gosh, that sounds awful, I'm so sorry. I am sure that was really overwhelming for you... do you want to talk about it more at all? You absolutely deserve respect and to feel a part of your community.

And a rap! I love that - how did it feel to find your flow?

I like me some Jung too, working with archetypes is fascinating to me (and in alignment with acting techniques too actually!). haha totally fair on the Freudian front.

I hear you - mental health diagnoses are so complex... it can be reductive to simply pathologise.

I really enjoy psychodrama practices (as mentioned above). Narrative therapy interests me too. I am currently looking into a masters of psychotherapy, I shall let you know if I follow through. How are your counselling studies going?

I get that. ☺️💛

How's the packing going @Cuddlebear ?

I'm thinking of you.

Yes I would love to hear about your studies @AuntGlow I am currently socialising with a supervisor in psychotherapy. I have referred to her as the badly behaved psychiatrist. Maybe I will not need to think of her that way if I feel respect.

haha! Why the 'badly behaved psychiatrist'? Now I am intrigued! @Appleblossom

I have seen a couple of courses pop up in bigger cities through private institutions, but unsure where to go - it's tricky with fulltime work too! But I am definitely keen to study, something about being engaged in something intellectually/creatively stimulating is good for me as well.

I understand study being a safe place, it can help with a sense of consistency and purpose, which is so important when other parts of life feel chaotic or unstable.

It seems like the universe led you to another passion with writing and I am so glad it did. Any developments with your rap you were working on?

Oh my goodness, Apple. My heart is with you so much in this moment. I wish I could give you a hug, so know that I am sending one your way. This would have been nothing short of heartbreaking... and to see you bring so much joy to the world with your creativity and kindness is a gift. 💛

I am collecting ideas for writing for next year @AuntGlow I am thinking of doing a chapter on social anecdotes about psychiatrists. I have known 5 in different social and musical milieu.

I am not sure study is the right thing for me now. It may be an escape from more pressing life lessons, though I keep a general eye on the offerings in the field. I am doing a heap of learning by being socially engaged and having different levels of responsibility in different places.

I have had to read much nonsense and exaggeration in files about my loved ones. I am flipping the script.

Not fully sure where it will go with this particular person. I may withdraw from the group next year, to give myself some respite, or my sense of irony may pop out of my mouth one day. Anyway I am committed to the group for this year as we are entering another international competition. Similar but different to last year. I have known her for about 18 months.

Thank you for acknowledging some of my personal trauma load and ACE score. @AuntGlow

Oooh that is so interesting! I would be very keen to read that. @Appleblossom

Yes, absolutely. Engaging in life with presence and curiosity can teach us so much about ourselves and the world around us. Maybe simplifying study to a book or podcast you're interested in could alleviate the stress of a whole course? (Something I have been considering too.)

Oof, it sounds like she can be really overwhelming to be around, especially where boundaries are concerned. I can imagine you'd be finding yourself quite guarded in her presence as a result. How do you take care of yourself when she triggers you?

It seems like the group and all it has to offer is worth sticking around for, but it's definitely understandable that you would be considering some respite. I hope you are able to work out a solution that helps you to feel most grounded and safe. 💛

we will see how things unfold with that person. @AuntGlow

I feel I am on a learning curve in managing big personalities at the moment. It’s a recurrent theme, in different situations, at the moment. I am finally able to talk with good people and process things a bit more in real time, so both discharging my frustration and considering assertive phrases and ways of dealing with it.

I had an interesting week in that I encountered 3 previous bullies. One I spoke firmly with, but kept it to the current circumstance and civilised, as I was visiting her very ill husband whom I knew from church. She had called me cuckoo, while we were supposedly in a Justice task group, she had her pet causes, and mental health wasn’t one.

The other 2 were in bigger events, and I could simply avoid them, feeling some calm, in that I had friends in the environment and was generally having a good time.

so, I see it as my opportunity to learn to manage my feelings and the social situations, but not have to submit, self sacrifice or withdraw, as I have in the past.