Fragile

Oh @Shaz51 . Please take care. I'd encourage you to look into work that you can maybe do from home. Then again, you've worked hard. I hope Mr Shaz is able to get the DSP. It will lighten your load a little.

How's your health? How are you?

I'm wary of medical gaslighting too @Appleblossom but have been happier with my gp lately.

Turnover in your team is unsettling. I hope the new people are more dependable. Art therapy sounds good, I've only had it as an inpatient.

Gardens can be both inspirational and grounding...

I've started seeing some stuff on Enneagrams, mostly much more relatable than MBTI.

💖🌸 @Appleblossom

So glad to hear about the art therapy. Go you ❣️. I am managing. In the east at the mo.

The Art therapist did not get back to me, and as I was recovering from root canal work had simple home time instead. She was doing stuff in a community centre only half hour drive, but not to be. Maybe later another time .... @Dimity @Faith-and-Hope

Made decision after doiing more internet research not to worry about yoga and the sports club where I felt invalidated. Yoga is probably not the best activity for my conditions anyway. let it go Apple. You dont have to face up to ugly bully stuff all the time. Still doing specific home physio exercises and they are bearing fruit ... less pain. Yay! Intelligent and mindful use of my body and functional exercise. All the RSI is paying off in making me more selective about activities. This year has been trial and error. No Tango, dangerous pivots. Stay away from nasty people if possible but do not socially withdraw completely, there will always be a few in every group. Isolation is not good, stand firm sometimes. Choose my battles.

Today 2 cleaners arrived for first time and they are nice. They appreciate me helping. Ahah Just now is first time I have seen new groovy steam mop. They got all the mod cons.

Going for hearing aid check. 2 years ago, they say I have hearing damage and are going to try and sell me aids. Not sure I will bother yet, as it is not really interfering with my life. Dont fix it if it aint broke.

Root canal work 2 down one more to go... expensive ... did not need that on top of car and plumbing.

Thinking suicidal ideation a bit even though the garden and cherry blossom are at their best. 2 court ladies hating on trees again ... makes me want to ditch it all ... cant let them get the better of me.

Got Redress sex abuse counsellor ... so gruelling ... and it does not touch all the intergenerational stuff re my sibs and father ... oh well ... so often falling between the cracks

Thank you for noticing @fluffylight

I had too many ice creams... but I bought a yoghurt maker so that might lead to a new line of creativity in the kitchen. The checkout check was good tho. I just dont want to feel I have to do a disservice to myself to be social. I have sacrificed enough.

I find it so hard to keep going socially.

Hugs @Appleblossom . You're nearly there with your root canal... a sound investment tho pricey.

I trust you can take comfort in your trees. I know how it can be when neighbours don't share our vision. And cherry blossoms! Pink or white? My mother had a Mt Fuji semi-weeper.

Sitting with you re trauma. I don't have any answers but I hear you.

Take care.

Thank you so much for noticing @Dimity ... yes my so noticed it was looking good. I cant remember variety ... its white ... not a weeper... my son noticed it so that is good. I try and get him to see nature a little... away from tek.

@fluffylight Mostly by getting busy. I am baking cherry sultana walnut muffins. A friend texted me back so that was nice. The counsellor had an emergency, but for a while I thought I had messed it up again. Still in limbo with it. It is so gruelling as we have to go through the sex abuse again and again in excruciating detail... so I was ready ... but dreading session and then it did not happen. Aaaagh!

When I know I will let you know how the yoghurt goes. We eat a fair bit, so it was a little investment in the future for me improving food. Ooohhh the level of Suicidal Ideation I was dealing with when I planted the tree about 12 years ago was serious. It has been with so much in last 35 years. A gp once said it was just passive, but it has not always felt like that. I tend to de-escalate enough due to all my early trauma. I sent a text to friend that blew open the referendum issues I have with a justice group I have been working with. I needed not to hold secrets or feel coerced Its impacted a lot of people.