Fragile

@Dimity I did not tag anyone on that SI post ... as I want it for me but did not want to bring anyone down.

My garden is growing great. I have an orchid in flower and lots of large orange clivea blooms. It is the first year they have all flowered, cos poor things as soon as they grow a bit I divide and propagate ... I bought one seedling about 15 years ago ... lol... but they are all determined to put on a show atm. Mostly I have pinks, purples and white ...

@Shaz51 balancing out transition to retirement can be tough. Go gently for both of you.

@Jacques ... I read on the other thread you wrote ...

"my little win is getting through a mental health breakdown a few weeks ago, i didn't think i was going to make it through the other side. i don't know why i keep fighting, but i do. i guess hoping for things to get better one day." I am glad you did make it thru and that you do have aan inner fire in the belly ... or something... I am similar... I really do not know how I make it thru ... been thrown in the deep end so much ... it sometimes is me that jumps in ... as I do not have good sense about risk assessment ...just know that a few of us are fond of you. Transition to adulthood is tricky and not getting easier ... even with IT around ... maybe more complicated than ever.

Actually I have another careless cu t ... from being in the garden. I get a lot from the kitchen and the garden ... its the part of me that is tired of being here ... and does not care about Subconsciously it is a sign of passive Si... and it has helped me to get real about it to hear it spelled out. I would be mortified if I had serious injury ... have enuff ... I say to myself .. I am here for the duration ... its my new mantra to help with ... " SI thoughts ."

that is awesome news @Appleblossom im so happy for your son, i know how much he was struggling when we first met. i hope his life continues to flourish and he has a wonderful life.

hugs my friend.

hi @Shaz51 i hope so too, the MH team seem to be really good, the poor psych though she was truly shocked at some of the things i was saying, due to the guidlines here im not allowed to speak about it but she was mortified about my plans and seems to think one day i can be happy.

i hope the new meds help mr shaz and he can get back into the swing of things soon. hugs to you both.

Ooooh @Jacques

it sounds as if she cares, and I hope she can work well with you so you can believe in your right to a decent future.

@Dimity about the metta meditation ... the buddhist nun I met tried to reduce the need for some exotic special knowledge and gentle focus on whatever ... loving kindness meant me ... I could not return to the temple often as I had children and it was across town ... she said keep it simple... so that is all I can tell you ... for me it was finding a feeling of warmth and safety and peace and goodwill to all ...

other times I have had to get in touch with my adrenaline pumping side ... to stand firm and not let people push me around ... I need my energy to get things done ... as much as I need to meditate and be calm amongst the difficulties I have faced.

I am really sorry your community garden has been razed.... says a lot.

Gently Bently both of you

Good night

It is interesting that my physio asked me about bandaids on my hands. It really showed observation and care. I told him about a lot of things related to it all ... not really self harm and not to worry, but about all the other harm and intergenerational trauma.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG7uzUUnWWg

I have often liked this youtube channel, but not listened to it for a few years. My mother never really saw me and never gave relevant or kind advice, and definitely did not want to listen to me at all, saying good things or needing support, yet the accent feels comfortable. I wish I had had a neighbour to offer a kind word and phone call any time, but that has simply not been available for me, only using my discipline to focus talking about my troubles within a clinical framework.

I like that she said about grief ... "I have done a lot of good loving and good living". That is a good mantra for me for a while. I find peace in the small things.

https://www.bupa.com.au/healthlink/mental-health-wellbeing/mental-health/medical-gaslighting-what-is-it-and-how-to-be-heard#:~:text=What%20is%20medical%20gaslighting%3F,of%20abuse%20or%20coercive%20control.

Sadly, Medical Gaslighting has happened with me in last couple of years, but it is not worth putting in a complaint. I rarely mention my headache and pain. It causes me to reflect on the issues that lead to my father's unnecessary early death, being accused of malingering in the ED on the day before he died. It was observed by my brother and I was small kids and definitely impacted him, and caused him to research and then after his death I continued through FOI.

Dont watch many tv shows but this is helping lift my mood.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Change_(TV_series)#:~:text=Later%2C%20Susan%20Lynch%20was%20revealed,in%20the%20Forest%20of%20Dean.

Thanks @Shaz51 for wishing me well with my new mental health team. Sadly that lady barely lasted a month, but got a "Better Offer" and left that provider so I have new people again. Sadly it seems a Big Problem in the "system" and was definitely a problem for my son. I am beginning to think it should become a protocol for people to be financially penalised for moving on so quickly, breaking contact or something like that ... oh dear, my usual optimism is wearing thin today.

Hugs @Faith-and-Hope needing some of your name sake!

Hope things are bearable for you. Waiting for a text back about Art therapy. Maybe my visual side will emerge. The garden is certainly looking good, but that is the big co-operation with sun and rain and soil and ecosystem gods.

awww @Appleblossom

My mr shaz has a new MH team and trying hard to get mr shaz on to the DSP , we have stopped working completely @tyme