Fragile

When I was in early 20s someone said I 'stunk of fear'. I do not think I was conscious of it at all. Is that part of my shadow side. I was busy being practical and logical and SURVIVING. I had not time to recognise fear. Not that I was fearless, brazen or an unnecessary risk taker. I ignored it for a long time, but it seems worth revisiting. Somehow incorporating the feeling and emotional side of my being into the intellectual and rational side ... seems my job atm.

Hey! Its bloody scary going into a psych ward when you are 10. I did not know it at the time, cos of the earlier full blown abandonment when I was 6 and had younger sibs to care for, it was "business as usual" be on you best behaviour, manage yourself, and be caring. But I saw a lot of scary things in that ward that had nothing to do with my parents. We just went and sat together on a hill overlooking a train line and eucalyptus trees. I also chatted to a lady at a piano, that seemed normal enough, but another lady did a scary number on me and I was a good girl listening ... what is it ... a trapped audience. That has been me a lot. Now I have a little more choice about that, but not a huge amount. Constrictive factors abound.

@tonys I subscribed to Corbett's youtubes ...

Also finding Lisa Barrett Field interesting atm ... https://www.ted.com/talks/lisa_feldman_barrett_you_aren_t_at_the_mercy_of_your_emotions_your_brain_creates_them?language=en

I find it interesting that she says they cannot tell what a person really thinks ... by the look ... I have heard too many women ... saying they can tell ... certain things about others ... in social situations ...

emotions as guesses ... seems fair to me ...

plus Andrew Huberman ... plus Zoroaster ... tabzie posted a recent link so looking at that culture again ... for me science and religion are not opposed ... as a nun taught me pure maths and physics.

I agree with Sheldon ... from Big Bang Theory ... about false substitutions ... thats norty norty but happens a lot.

I am lucky to be literate, that was due to my father on earth's love.... yeah ... the one they also called the schizo ...so what does one do? Turn out like me I guess. lol

Hope your chicken soup soothed body and soul @Appleblossom . Glad there are good things, good memories in your father's legacy. Literacy and a love of books are a gift.

Hello @Appleblossom Finally made it into your "girl cave" Mmm I do like what you've done with the place. And i do hope the fragility train is in sight of its destination.

Well I spent ages going through a few pages here. Everything from God and religion's to foot massages. Got partway through the emotions video, and realized I don't want to rush this. Its just too good. She has me in her spell already.

Don't get a lot of time in here at the moment. They have had to weld me to the bed because when I'm asleep I rock from side to side without knowing it and its hard on the dressings and pipes etc.

Its the autism that makes me rock, done it all my life, never a problem till now.. If they can't keep me still

it'll be the nail gun treatment. And then they still wake me every couple of hours changing my position

anyway. I feel sorry for em cause its been full on.

Sorry, had to spill that, so you know why things take me a while. Plus I like to look at things a few times so I can run the ruler over it again.

Ok. I'm going to watch the rest. Thanks heaps for the pathways. Theres flower beds and comets

at the end of each.

Take care @Appleblossom and all the other folk here. tonys

If gone for a few days, all good, they are just looking under the bonnet again

I'm actually going good.

I am a rocker too @tonys It was even suggested in that meditation workshop I was telling @Former-Member about on the Good Morning thread. So I see rocking as a legit healing tool rather than a symptom of another label. Also just curling up in foetal position. Sorry it is making hard for you with all your tubes. I do not like the idea of you being tied down but hope its not for too long and is worth it.

If you want another vid.. I am really enjoying one posted by @MDT on the Good morning thread but I will link it here for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qgIFD0PaWo&t=1291s

and yes ... go slow ... its one of my missions to slow the world down ...pop in any time you like... no pressure ... you gotta heal ... and then there is that farm ...

Glad you like the scenery here by the way. I am enjoying my inner girl more these days ... but there is a big blokey side to me too.

Big blokey side, Ooooo yes, I glimpse it it a flash now n then in you. God help me if you and Rn ever pal up..

I like when we can just wake up and just be who ever we want to be, . . unapologetically.

Made my day when you said your a sleep rocker too. Doctor showed me a video of it on his phone.

I gave em my credit card to go by some chain... Yea.. that bad.

Kidding .. Its all for my own good and I don't feel much lately, healing up good, so all is well.

So I have some home work. Your vid and hammers.

Least i'm not wasting time in here. Slow the world down you say. I'm going to drift of to dreamland with that lovely thought. Thankyou @Appleblossom

I dont think anyone has a film of me asleep rocking tho ... @tonys so you can be the sleeping rocking star ...lol

My son just told me not to do mother jokes ... cos they are not funny ... but I am wicked .... hee hee

Well they’re funnier than Dad jokes @Appleblossom 😂😂😂

Thanks @hanami I can accept they are bad .. lol ... but I haver worked HARD for the right to LAUGH and doing it as much as possible. Made the lady at Myer checkout laugh today ... cos ... had a lil ole laydee tantie ... cos there was a long line of computer checkouts and no customers or staff ... any human being around ... whistling ... hello ... had not been in there for a few years ... no people!