Fragile

Wonderful news so happy for you Apple 💞

@Appleblossom

Hugs @Anastasia

@Zoe7

thought it best to answer your question over here.

Being simple. Just noticed cabbage moth through my window.

Due to glasses breaking am wearing glasses even less, only using a magnifier, but will get presription ones soon. Been reflecting on whole eye journey and how it relates to my head pain and strain. I really like not having glasses on my face after almost a lifetime of wearing them. It also might relate to people being competitive with me as I might be a bit slow or unco.

Trying to memorise piano pieces so I can play a little without glasses, but brain is not co-operating. Still it feels good, so will perservere. Playing recorder tunes without glasses. I also still play with glasses as music is more complicated. I have relied heavily on reading music so it is a shift.

Son has been sorting out his stuff. All calm on home front atm.

It is great seeing you more active around the forum lately.

Thanks Hon - combination of holidays so have more time and also having that time to work through things a bit more. Been feeling the loss of Cat and my neighbour a lot this past week being in the garden more. I cleaned up between our houses (all coming from my neighbours side) and usually my neighbour would come out to help (in his words 'felt guilty not doing it himself') but he is not around now so it has tugged at the heart strings a lot.

Such good news about your son @Appleblossom - one less thing to worry about for now

I do love how much you love your music - it is an area that is quite triggering for me but I am beginning to reframe that and enjoy some music again. It was just a few days ago I got out my own recorder - I am not very good at it but used to really enjoy it so hoping to revisit that again.

I hear you about the glasses - not ideal (and brain not co-operating is a bummer too). I hope you can get your glasses fixed soon 👍

Hugs appreciated and back to you @Appleblossom thank you. Great news about your boy x

@Anastasia Gentle gentle. Good to see you. You dont have to say much. Being there matters.

@Zoe7

Aaaaghhh! Grief and triggering associations can come from anywhere. In the end I had to face it and embrace it directly and eventually dubbed one of my gardens a greif garden, which is where one of my cats died to confirm it. He must a known.

I still have not replaced our pets. Maybe next year. Son and I need to do more processing about life and death, but slowly slowly there is movement at the station.

We had a dichotomy in mother's family between the musicians and the fine arts lot. I had to do psychological work reclaiming my love of fine arts, and not be triggered by the dreadful feuds of the past. Maybe its something like that for you with music. Claiming a bit of recorder could be good for you. In folk music camps I learned to love walking and playing and having it less structured by reading print music. Find your way with it. Whether it be championing a particular style ....whatever works.

Ironically, most of our socialising has been with the Freedom protestors. We had christmas day, a piano soirree day, and New Years with them. They really appreciated it.

I am not limited that way, but unless my son gets a life, I do not want to escalate polarities in the slightest. Its all very touch and go. In that I am very christian about going back for lost sheep and leaving no-one behind.

Music is a big one for me @Appleblossom Unfortunately there is one very popular song that is my biggest trigger so I have to face it a lot. No matter where I am or what I am doing it always sends me into a tailspin. I tend to have the same CDs playing in my car over and over again and avoid the radio so I know what is coming - makes it a little easier. We also usually have the same music played again and again before the bell at school but if that is changed it affects me as well - that fear of not knowing what is going to come next is taken away when I know what it will be. Most others would probably not even know what is being played ...but for me it is important.

My friend that died just over a year ago was a brilliant guitarist - his sister sent me one of his picks which was just the perfect thing to remember him by. I don't use it though - actually been thinking for a while of selling my guitars (and my drum kit). Would keep my acoustic guitar as that is special but everything else can go. I would even be happy at this stage to give them away!

I am glad to hear there is some movement forward for both you and your son. It seems so simple the whole life and death thing but it really isn't ...so as you would say 'gently bently'. Do what you need as you need it and whatever comes after will be

I see you @Sophia1 💞

https://www.madinamerica.com/2021/12/consumer-regret/

Food for thought

Interesting @Appleblossom

I know you are more accepting of medical MH scenarios than I. @Anastasia

Even tho my boy's father managed to get himself out of MH system after 10 years, somehow his son has become part of it and me too.

I am ambivalent, but engage cos I am desperate to get him help.

I am posting these articles for me so that I do not forget what I had discovered 30 years ago.

This is about dissociation. A lot has been learned since I did this stuff at uni.

https://contrerasantonieta.medium.com/forgetting-can-be-healthy-dissociation-is-not-always-a-mental-illness-531ec74ca595

This stuff actually helps me psychoanalyse myself, my siblings and parents so I can understand them beyond serious labels which have been traumatising in itself. I lived managing the fear that almost 40% of people with both parents with Schizophrenia get the disease. Part of the trauma was that I took knowing those words and concepts for granted and did not even know that when I socialised and casually mentioned one aspect ... I would freak everyone out. My lack of being a social goddess was not that I was mean or selfish but just carrying too much emotional weight ...

Figuring out which bit of me is actually quite normal has taken a while. I really had hoped a MH professional would have walked along with me doing some of it, but it was not to be.