Living with Ourselves

I had not thought about a photo of Cat in her old room @Sophia1 - what a beautiful idea ...going to get onto that tonight 👍

It is really funny because I used to have a baby gate in the doorway so Toby could not get into Cat's room but I removed that this week when I redid the room and I don't think Toby has been in there once. So Clover can sleep where she wants and have the space to herself. I know Toby always wanted to be able to play with Cat but she just saw him as the annoying younger brother ...Clover on the other hand loves to play and there are times that Toby wants some peace lol

I understand the fur flying everywhere and love that you took BE on your last two holidays. I think I could take Clover with Toby and myself if there were not other people around. When she was a kitten she loved being around others but now she is a little more hesitant ...mainly because it is just the 3 of us and she has not been around people much.

Take care of yourself Hon - a little tired here today but trying to get things done to begin work again next week.

Dear @tonys

Writing to you later also helps me respond to what you have written….

Life does have many strong forces that can draw us in or push us away in so many forms..

We can end up in places we did not intend to be….within our minds….our hearts…

Sometimes we are apparently meant to be there…

I have read a beautiful quote which I find very satisfying and effective when I remember it of course…

Where you are now is exactly where you are meant to be

{That is in the moment; as there is no longer the past and there is not yet the future; only the imminent moment in which you find yourself right now}..

With age comes wisdom for those who are open to it of course…

Trust is a difficult one and has had a huge impact on me over my whole life as I recognize my intuition that tells me “be careful” then am overtaken by my empathy and compassion…

I give people too many chances or used to..

I am now learning…

“The different you” as you referred to me as and so astutely picked up…

See I know how intelligent you are…

You have emotional intelligence as well as worldly intelligence…

That me was the strong, assertive me…

Those words rose from deep within to express to you how important it is that you know it is not you with the problem..

The words that you read from a letter a while back now are based on exactly the above…

I know this by my own experience..

I refuse to lower myself to the standards of the perpetrator though…

I do not seek revenge….

I refer to it as rising above the behavior of the other and following my own values..

I am a stronger person for this..

You are learning….

As you have often said to me do not overthink..

We are left feeling that way…as the lashing out comes from out of nowhere without warning..

It is meant to throw us off track…to feed their power…

We stand strong..

We do not have to change…

We remain true to ourselves.

We trust in our inner voice….not the questioning one that is a pain in the proverbial…

The wise voice that tells us…

Be true to yourself…

Do not change yourself for anyone..

The feeling frail is the draining response as they try to draw our strength from us…

They want what we have and they cannot have as it is not within them..

Remember the greedy monsters that feed off of the strength of others..

The monsters are powerless and cowardly…

They are not strong…

Remember the end of the story..

The hero is the one who stands up to the monster…the bully..

Not aggressively..

Assertively..

Or if words cannot come a strong conviction in a facial expression is just as powerful.

You have what you want already.

You will find it within yourself and believe it..

We are on the same journey my friend..

I hope that I have not confused you..

Read it on another day when you have a clearer mind..

Of if too deep just turn the pages and not give it another glance..

I will try to attach a humourous image that

Supports such serious words of strength beautifully,…

in my mind anyway…

guess what....did not work....sigh..

quote?

ps

great news about NDIS

cleaning….gardening…food

and dancing…

I want to sign up!!!

I love dancing..

Music..

Theatre..

Most forms of art actually..

Goodnight from your friend

Sophia1

Thank you @Zoe7

Look after you and rest up for all of those beautiful children you teach..

your passion..

pleased to hear that you love the photograph idea..

if you are like me you will talk to Cat and Clover together now...

There you are one happy family together...if you are like me..

We take him in a great big dog carrier and he is only with us..We don't go out for long and he has his blanket and safe place...etc he is fine..

otherwise he is in the car for short periods with windows down..in his carrier..

Sophia1

hello sophia @Sophia1 Heartfelt thanks for this. The picture, well there is no more need be said. It stands on its own. I will, as you have said have to read your post a few times but you do have a very keen grasp of what Im going through without saying to much.

I do say don't overthink things to help folks out of pot holes a lot.

I have in my toy box of words, the lucky dip phrases that hide myself and make candles a little brighter at times , mine included. Truth is. My body kept growing but my mind did not develop much past that of a child. Its easy for me not to overthink

because I live in a play ground.

And then one day someone takes the kindness ,imagination, and need for play and sharing and distorts it into something else entirely.

A kids mind takes a while to get it and happily feeds on and follows bread crumbs. Kids want to belong and clumsily and blindly follow at times.

I guess that is why we search for wise and professional minds to keep the play ground, fair

and free of bias , pack mentality, and favour.

I guess you see things coming way before I do. You have children, are an adult, and have real life experience in just how close playgrounds with young minds need to be guided.

I think looking back at the last 6 month semester , you saw detail that I just did not see coming.

always did say wish you were my mum, didnt I

Please pour another one of those tall frosty treats, and all we can do is trust in those who captain the vessels we sail on.

Please take care and be as kind to yourself as you are to me.. tonys mb 1

a lovely reply @tonys

a lovely response..

your toy box is actually full of a beautiful language that is way beyond a child's mind..

Perhaps what you focus on; as a response to long term reasoning; is that your brain has not developed..

The brain is a very complex part of our whole...

As you already know, we only use a very small portion of it..

We all use our brains differently as well as a result of genetics; birth; environment and so much more..

those of us who have brain damage can think and respond differently..

they can also in some circumstances learn to tap into other parts of their brains that the average person never does..

they might not verbally express this..

they might just sense, feel, think or even hear things differently..

this does not mean that there is actually something wrong with them or that they are lacking in intelligence..

they just do not fit into the text book that has been written yet..

Makes me think that as human beings in this spectrum called earth that we are not as bright a race as many purport to be...

My take is that life is an ongoing journey of learning..

Each of us if we explore our minds and actually find out more about who we are has something different and unique to offer..

If nobody wants to take that...their loss...we do not give it away when we offer...we simply offer to share..

You have so much knowledge and expression that comes from within and perhaps you are not yet ready to accept that..which is where you are in this moment...

Hand on heart now, Tonys...

You have so much to offer life as you are...

put aside what has happened for a moment in growing up...what the medical terminology is telling you...what diagnoses you have been given..

Look at you Tonys who lightens up so many...I have just read a beautiful, caring response to another from you..

You have a beautiful light within you..

You have a gift..

You have your very own language that is so colourful, creative, warm and encouraging..

Please allow yourself moments to learn a little at a time to love that Tonys..

That is the real Tonys underneath all of the text book diagnoses and life experiences...

You are there..

I know this as I am able to see my beautiful son behind his serious illness...

He is still there...

I see his vulnerability...

I also see his yearning to be heard, valued and be autonomous..

this I fight for with the monstrous system labelled "mental health"..'

Accept the help...the new directions being offered...

Promise me not to let go of the real Tonys....

I am a child.....I am never going to let go of my child....I am never going to grow up....

I will keep on asking questions forever and I will keep on learning...

I love language...

I love exploring my own..

I love language like yours also as it is so incredibly real.....it is yours..

Do not let the actions of others take any of this away from you..

Tell yourself over and over that you did nothing wrong...it was not because of your brain..

You were caring..

Do not change any of that..

We sadly have to experience the unkind treatment from others to learn that our sensitivity and empathy needs to be looked after..

As you say to me be kind to myself..

all part of it..

We must never change though...

Learn...learn...learn...

Grow stronger as Tonys

If your last post is a goodbye letter....I will accept it as a new beginning for you..

Another path to travel..

I will not hold you back ...

this is if you are leaving..

if you are not I am happy for both of us also..

Our friendship will always be ...

Nobody can take away from us the friendships that we choose to hang onto..

Take care beautiful soul

Do what you need to do now...

always your friend Sophia1

@Sophia1

Feeling with you ... about our BEAUTIFUL SONS dealing with an illness.

and in the meantime .... we have to live our best.

You wrote to @tonys

cleaning….gardening…food

and dancing…

I want to sign up!!!

I love dancing..

Music..

Theatre..

Most forms of art actually.."

This year I am committing to being more active physically and socially. Am going to tango on Monday with a new female friend. She also loves art so we share about that too.

Learning about trust is new for me, but am beginning to feel it about a few friendships on here and in real life. Testing waters more rather than just jumping in at deep end.

Thank you @tyme @Zoe7 and @Jacques for being friends. All so different and important in your own unique ways. @tonys you too.

Hello @Appleblossom We get older and never stop making new discoveries about ourselves, the world and rekindled friendships. . This Is to thank you for including me at the end of you letter... but first , a tiny tale.

As you may have gathered , I am nearing the end of a farming life. I have at souls that depend on me. They are 'contributors', if i may draw a comparison, but I am the one they look too, I'm the captain and have the duty of care.

We have a big table under a giant magnolia tree and a place mat is set for each and every one of them. We share agree laugh and have differences, each day, under that big wise old tree.

Not all, make it every day, they have their phones and gadgets or maybe just need space but they always have the comfort of knowing, A hot meal and my unbiased ear is there at that table and they know the invite is . . . genuine . . and unwavering, with a, big - no abuse- sign nailed to the tree. . . Often they have me taking a second look at something in front of the mirror. . .

With that , I thank you for including me at the end of your post. It shows leadership. I hope you and your new friend have the most wonderful time together, rediscovering and sharing. Wishing you a fine day, tonys mb1

@tonys Beautiful story starring captain at the helm of a magnolia! lol

Some of us feel and act with Duty of Care in various places. It comes across, even with our childlike aspects. I grew up seeing kids taking a lot of responsibility.

Mooo ....

Apple

@tyme Thankyou. Not related, but I am in the midst of reading an old story about that lady ABC reporter that was put through an experience too awful to re live here. some years back.

The thing that frightened me most, is the culture that believed , she brought it on her self.

she dressed too provocatively, shouldn't have walked home alone, or gone out dancing. The victim becomes the perp, and the perp becomes the victim

Is this how the Tumps and Putin's and Pings, always seem to find find there way to the top and now have their hand on the big red button. Our children, and us, may in less time than we all think, pay for this with our lives. History has taught us little, about the urgency of keeping watchful eyes on the bully, and they do hide so well and thrive on complacency.

Its a very big boat you captain and a sea full of rocks.. I don't know how you manage it ,

But thankyou for what you do. tonys mb 1

@Appleblossom I know you grew up seeing this and more than most can fathom. You are in the bridge of that battleship and all us crew look to you more than you may realize. Its more than you should carry, I know, but thats what comes with brass on the cap.

I know you have much to do and friendship events to plan and look forward to, and i'm excited for you. It is pouring rain and the crew have told me in stern words, Its my turn to do the dishes. I do hope we can talk another day. Enjoy your tonys mb 1