Living with Ourselves

Silently sitting with you @Sophia1 I can hear the pain in your words and fully understand - it is incredibly hard. Love and hugs sweetheart 💖💖💖

How do people manage the person they become under mental illness?

When my anxiety is quiet I can be kind, patient, supportive, witty, charming, and friendly. People respond well to that aspect of me. But when I'm anxious (most of the time), I can't think clearly about anyone else. I become selfish, arrogant, insecure, distant, rude, I miss subtext, and I lose my sense of empathy, I'll say hurtful or stupid things without even realising for hours. It's like anxiety takes my emotional intelligence, the same way brainfog takes away reasoning.

I find I'll regularly meet new people, have a great time, then steadily push them away, and I hate it, but it feels inevitable until I can permanently calm myself down.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you process the guilt when you know you've been toxic towards someone you care about? Is it possible to be a better person when I'm not all there?

I hope you are going well @Sophia1 .

Dimity

Hi @tonys ,

How are you? Haven't seen you around lately. Hope you are okay. As well as all your animals.

Please take care,

tyme

i left a message on here but it is sitting under profile and won't budge

Oooh @Sophia1 - that's no good. Would you like me to have a look at it?

Now my message to all of my friends has disappeared completely

I have not received any emails either

Why does this keep on happening to me?

I was feeling very numb and lost when I came on here to leave a message without tagging anyone.

Now I feel even more alone.

This is not self pity.

This is grief upon grief.

Life can be so unkind.

I'm here @Sophia1 . I'm listening. 💜

Oh please @tyme

I feel as though I do not belong here anymore.

My twin has treated me so horribly and her narcissistic traits have actually been witnessed by others this time.

She normally coverts all of her deplorable behaviour.

I feel so lost

The whole funeral has now changed and under her control

she has railroaded all boundaries that I have tried to put in place

Accused me of arguing when I had tried to defend myself and not let her control and devour me.

I am no longer reading the eulogy; providing photographs of my choice; music to accompany the slideshow or whatever it is called. input into music for the service. discussion with a minister of her choice.

I will not go to the refreshments set out after.

I will still view my mum before the service and go straight into the chapel.

I am not sure that I feel safe to sit in the front row as I will sense her seething close by.

Wherever I am I will hold my head high though as she cannot take away the fact that I am her daughter. The twin sister she did not want.

I will go outside and wait to farewell the hearse.

She cannot bear to do that