Living with Ourselves

hey @Sophia1

yes i was so scared the first tme i had to go near bee's but they didn't bother me as long as i left them alone, i guess they just know that they are safe with me.

no the snow was a fine dusting. like a frost, not enough to do anything with.

umm i read both, my favourite is non fiction, i read a lot of computer text books and bio's but i have read books like clive cussler, dan brown. i have the whole series of the lion the witch and the wardrobe.

i hope your weekend has been good.

hugs my friend

Jacques

Hello @Jacques

Lovely to hear from you..

The bees sense your gentle soul..

With me they sense my fear.. I move away..

My older son reads a lot of computer text books.. Has done many courses on line.

Dan Brown .. did he write the Da Vinci code?

I was unaware that there is a whole series of books about the lion the witch and the wardrobe..

have to look into that..

I have been in the garden this afternoon for about three hours.. needing some self care..

Hope that the weather is kinder for you and you get some gardening time..

hugs from your friend Sophia 🙏

@Sophia1 💛☕💐💕

@Jacques 👋🥝🍉🍓

hey @Sophia1

oh im sure the bees just don't want to harm anyone, so they move away.

yes im fully qualified in IT specialising in networking and web design.

yes dan brown did the series on the da vinci code, they where a really good read.

yes the lion the witch and the wardrobe is only book 2 in the series, the series is called the chronicals of narnia:

book 1: The Magician's Nephew

book 2: The lion, the witch and the wardrobe

book 3: The Horse and His Boy

book 4: Prince Caspian

book 5: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

book 6: The Silver Chair

book 7: The Final Battle

they are a good read, hightly recommended.

i hope today has been good to you, it is about to rain here tonight, we are expecting 75mm of rain and large hail here, so im so so glad i got my roof fixed.

hugs my friend

Jacques

Hello @Jacques

I did not mean to come across as demeaning when referring to your studying..

I was not aware of your qualifications..if I have read of them in the past my foggy mind does not allow me to recall.

So please accept my apology if I have offended you...

The Da Vinci Code I have and is a very good read..

Back to the books...I remember the chronicals of narnia....had forgotten they were the overview of the other stories..

Will have to look into them as well when my mind is clear enough..

Possible chance of hail tonight is not good for the garden at all..

Rain yes..

I hope that you have no hail damage...

I went for a hearing and audiology test today for hearing loss which I already knew I had...

I needed to have a test as have a referral to an ENT specialist..

It appears that I more than likely have cochlear damage to both ears which if is the case has no cure..

I was expecting hearing aids anyway...

I am experiencing hear ache which was my main concern so will wait for that answer after my appointment mid November..

I asked many questions...true to myself...he was extremely helpful...polite and respectful as well as having a sense of humour...how delightful..

I think that I should bottle him...what do you think?

I am enjoying the opening of buds and reseeding in the garden...what are you enjoying the most in your garden at the moment?

Spring is the time of year where new beginnings occur within our own creations of gardens..

Take care

hugs back my friend

Sophia

oh @Sophia1 please no need to appologise, i was not upset at all, i was just saying what i have in general, im so sorry if it came across like i was upset, you said your son had studied and got qualifications, i was just excited to know what he had studied.

hugs my friend, im not upset or offended. im happy and proud to share this with you 🙂

gentle hugs

Jacques

@Jacques

It is my issue not yours..

I am very sensitive naturally ...add in medical facilities of many varieties where there are poor and indifferent attitudes from staff...

I have had a whole life time of poor experiences within many areas of the medical world and am more easily affected than others when I am feeling vulnerable to start with..

My boy has had terrible experiences with health system for the majority of his life...

So many appointments for myself and husband last week and this week...all too much for me..

My therapist had a few days holiday...where of course that is when I fall apart..

Had chat with him this morning...he was appalled yet again about my experiences..Feel so much better now having talked to him..

I did not mean to come across as criticising or reacting towards your post either..

This can go on forever can't it cat and mouse apologies..

My boy studies history...world wide current affairs...cyber crime...system security...likes building from scratch the actual box (excuse my ignorance here) the system I believe...My husband does too.

Boy spends far too much time on computer researching negative stuff...I reinforce that it is good that he has an interest and is learning..history in particular is so important...but he has to find some balance and I try to encourage him to have time away..

His idea of that is to play games..He likes the ones where you overcome challenges...clues...etc....he does have brain games as well.

He does not listen to me very often as is usually delusional or experiencing an episode of psychosis when he rings and I am not allowed to talk. He gets angry that "they" will hear and endanger all of us..

2 hours I listened last night as it has been over a week...

So much of what he says is true..

His dad and I used to keep in touch and check in with what each other had heard...We never knew where he was or even which state unless he was detained..Then the facility would ring us as they had information from many years ago during his first detainment...

Both his dad and I have heard the click and know that many calls have been listened to..

I have to be careful what I say for his protection.

I do have some moments of clarity and a few times have been briefly able to reassure him..

Enough said..

Hope to have more time in the garden this afternoon..

My bluebells that I received cuttings of from a family member are flowering..They droop very quickly...still adjusting to new home I imagine.

I have forget me nots in flower...statice...poppies..hollyhock...cosmos...geraniums many colours...irises..much more.

How is your garden growing?

hugs my friend

Sophia

That sounds like a really hard situation with your son @Sophia1. I imagine it would bring up a lot of big feelings for you. I just wanted to encourage you to take good care of yourself through this and reach out for extra support offline if you feel it would benefit you or you are having concerns around safety for example. I know you mentioned being engaged with a psychologist. I'm wondering if he is someone who could support you with this if needed or whether there are other people around you whom you could reach out to also?

Thank you so much @TideisTurning

I have a psychotherapist and I had a session this morning...he had a couple of days off for holidays..

always have worrying times when they are on holiday...

shared this with him...had a bit of a chuckle..

Yes I feel supported after this mornings session..

Thank you again

Sophia

💛 Some sunshine for you

Hi @Sophia1

lots of hugs my friend, it is hard chatting over the internet, things can be mis construed or mis understood.

i too have had terribe experiances with the mental health system, im lucky to be able to just isolate and not have to deal with my issues, just let them be.

im so so sorry to hear your son has experianced the same, we have a really long way to go with mental health care as a society.

im glad you got some time with yoour therapist and it has helped.

it is so so easy to go down a rabit hole with the internet, there is so so much negative things online and ways to get yourself into lots of trouble, i was the same as him when i was a teenager, i reasearch on hacking and the illegal parts of computers.

i really hope he can find balance because computers can be really amazing in the fact you can escape reality, make friends, have fun, learn and with the internet only your imagination holds you back, but it is a double edge sword, it is great he is into building computers, i have done that since i was 14, i really enjoyed it and still do where i can.

it scares my mum though when i have a table full of parts and she does not understand how i can put it all back together from memory.

oh i hope you enjoyed your time in the garden, bluebells are beautiful, i had to go to town today, it was busy and i am tired from driving for 3 hours. it is raining here and we have had 22mm already, with more over the next 3 days, so my garden will be so so happy.

lots of hugs my friend.

Jacques