Living with Ourselves

@Adge

I wrote what I strongly believe to be true...

I really would like you to stay on the writing thread as you add a special touch of your own with the humour that you have and I love..

I am actually feeling that I have written three or four replies and all of a sudden nobody is there laugh..

There are a very unusual mix of personalities all quite different from each other..

I love it when it does work because I believe that is the best experience when you can achieve that..

Far easier to achieve face to face of course..

thank you for replying to me here.

My hiding place that everyone knows about laugh 💛

Have you met Jacques?

He is lovely also..

hello @Appleblossom

Bringing a tear to your eyes reading the story I hope was more poignant than hurtful for you..

You mentioned wigwam..

You also mentioned Zoe.. I was not aware that she also is sheltering... I know that she is grieving the loss of her special cat.

I do not venture over to the area where Zoe mainly writes these days..

how are you feeling at the moment appleblossom?

No need to share anything if you do not want to...Not sure if you have written about what is troubling you elsewhere...

💜

@Sophia1 Yes it was definitely the poignancy of feeling seen and being recognised, then realising how similar we are ... in some ways.

Dear @Sophia1 That Zoe was the little girl in the music link playing the wigwam, not our beautiful butterfly. I was struggling with finding some way to progress the story and simply added something.

Probably my truth, is that all my life, I am mostly full up with distress about my loved ones. We have lived on the edge too much and it is more dangerous there, than inside the centre of the school of fish.....

No I am not permitted to post freely online about my troubles atm. I do not believe the anonymous aspect of the forum is sufficiently secure for me and mine.

I can say my son showed me a beautiful poem he had recently written and asked to borrow my copy of Blake and King James Bible. Last night we played a Telemann Sonata. Mostly he was practising his sight reading on piano and I was playing alto recorder. It is the 2nd time we have played in that combination, as mostly for years, it was him singing and me on piano.

It is great to watch him appreciate the subtler role of accompanist. He acquitted himself well for a first read through.

Our Allegro and Vivace were nothing as fast as this. He is worldclass player. I like the more mellow tone of wooden recorder/blockflute/flauto dolce compared with the modern metallic flute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXTAi93EpWw

---

@Appleblossom wrote:

@Sophia1 Yes it was definitely the poignancy of feeling seen and being recognised, then realising how similar we are ... in some ways.

Dear @Sophia1 That Zoe was the little girl in the music link playing the wigwam, not our beautiful butterfly. I was struggling with finding some way to progress the story and simply added something.

Probably my truth, is that all my life, I am mostly full up with distress about my loved ones. We have lived on the edge too much and it is more dangerous there, than inside the centre of the school of fish.....

No I am not permitted to post freely online about my troubles atm. I do not believe the anonymous aspect of the forum is sufficiently secure for me and mine.

I can say my son showed me a beautiful poem he had recently written and asked to borrow my copy of Blake and King James Bible. Last night we played a Telemann Sonata. Mostly he was practising his sight reading on piano and I was playing alto recorder. It is the 2nd time we have played in that combination, as mostly for years, it was him singing and me on piano.

It is great to watch him appreciate the subtler role of accompanist. He acquitted himself well for a first read through.

Our Allegro and Vivace were nothing as fast as this. He is worldclass player. I like the more mellow tone of wooden recorder/blockflute/flauto dolce compared with the modern metallic flute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXTAi93EpWw

Yes I agree @Appleblossom

your wealth of knowledge of solid existence in this world is far greater than mine...in different areas that intrigue me..

We have connections at a deeper level due to several parallels...

we keep on finding more...

What you share with your son is priceless...

Your son has come back to you in his time as who he is...this is an honour as a parent...

He has switched the instrument....the role reversal..

He is showing you how adaptable he is..

At the same time he is showing you respect, thanks and grace for all that you have given him.

My moments of sharing with both of my boys are so very different as they are of course so very different to each other.

I can see some of me in both of them...Again a different part of me in each.

This I feel proud of as it helps to carry them as individuals who can stand up for themselves on most occasions.

They both have experienced much trauma and are affected differently..

Time with my older son has mostly been on the phone over the last ten years..

Loss

Yet I also see that I have gained far more than some.

I have been able to locate him...gradually reassure him to trust me and talk as I listen.

I have learnt much about him behind the stigmatised condition.

There is much sadness and trauma yet to come..

I never thought that I would get this far though.

I have given my sons emotional insight and awareness which they have taken on in their own style.

I have spent many many times conversing with the younger one...discussing books.

I have spent most of the time listening to my older one...as I can have this time mostly on his terms for his sense of safety and trust...some on my terms for my own sense of safety and personal boundary setting for protection...

We both love; ache; carry different pain from birth family and extended families...

picked ourselves up and are doing the best that we can to live life in a way that suits us and keeps us safe..

I do hope that this has not made you feel worse..

You do mean a lot to me @Appleblossom

amidst the fleeting interraction that we share at times

That will never change for me....

It takes an awful lot for me to let go of a person...

one whom I have a close bond with even longer..

love Sophia

I have a flower in the garden Stella Bella and I always think of you as I watch it grow and prune..feed and nurture it..

ps @Appleblossom

I love the wooden flute

the pan flute

would be lovely to have that playing in the background during our time away in our virtual world wherever it is now..of course it can always be wherever we choose..

@Appleblossom

I think that you are wise to not post about your struggles..

Writing about them privately to release some of the pressure cooker steam..

therapy helps me..

counselling I usually get to a stage after a few sessions where I feel that I can help the counsellor more than they can help me..

I just do not. have never fitted into any box, programme , school of thought

So I really am a difficult project..

Fortunately my psychotherapist is intrigued and tells me that he has learnt from me also..

I do hope that you can find someone with whom you feel safe to open up about some of the issues..

l have after so long not discussing over shared and need to go back to where and request they be deleted.

Not today.

I am taking a break for now have been on here for about 5 hours...good grief...

so stretch move and outside into the garden

I will say hello to you out there Stella Bella with a yellow flower.xx

Hello @Jacques

I had a very busy evening on the forums on another thread that has been having issues.

Back on there for some time today.

Please do not think that you are less important. Not in the least.

I was responding on the other one as so many were writing..

I will respond to this post when I can.

Stuff happening in real life pressuring as well.

You are important and I very much enjoy our conversations.

Speak soon

Sending you hugs and smile for yourself, your girlfriend and your mum

your friend Sophia 💛

Thank you @Sophia1 for your heartfelt sharing. It is like that for me too.

I just had a 2 hour walk & talk with a friend with whom I can open up with, and who is well trained and experienced, yet we are friends and it not a "formal" support in NDIS speak. I feel like he is an angel sent to help me on my journey.

Yes that is true about me with some counsellors and psychologists. Young folk who do not have adult children are rarely equipped.... to give support in that area. Not saying never, but I think a little less adultation of a qualification and a little more respect of elders would go along way.

I am glad your therapist recognises your contributions.

Yes different relationships evolve with different children.

Do not worry about me. I am alright. Your connection with me has firmed up on a number of levels and gives me strength. Thank you.

Son is making pizza.

Hey @Sophia1 please don't appologise, try not to stretch yourself too thin with the forums, take some time out for you too, when i was a forum guide it feels like you need to respond to everyone, and that is not possible, anyway i hope things have calmed down on the other forum.

i have gotten through the past few days, things are good and quiet today so i am happy.

the weather is so beautiful here today, sunny and warm.

hugs my friend, i am here anytime you would like to talk

Hello @Adge

I have noticed your absence today on this thread and writing thread

i am hoping that you are busy living life and enjoying the day.
Hopefully having a break from the drafted Census.
I hope that you get some time to read about Horace and his day.
Ten we will have you back. @Shaz51 is Cook at the ancient castle. You should see the spread that she has put on. Could not remember if you are vegetarian or pescatarian. Will hopefully catch you there soon. Tag me

If not feeling that good tag me I will make time. I will be back here to talk to @Jacques and @ apple blossom possibly in the afternoon. Take care of ADGE and Horace please. Sophia ☀️😎🌼