Living with Ourselves

oh gosh all I seem to be writing about is thanking everyone lately

I know that you will all let me know that I too deserve support..

it just does not sit comfortably with a lifetime pattern of not even having a realisation of self for many years then just listening to others not self..for quite some time unaware of a self...

this did change in my 30's I must add...I realised that I was also a person through therapy...

@Maggie @Former-Member @Zoe7 @outlander @Shaz51 @Adge @Exoplanet

and many others @MDT the king of tabs

speakings of tabs @TAB

@Bunniekins bless you

@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Teej @BlueBay

along with others on the carers side whom I will not disturb

many many thanks

things are becoming so extremely hard with my family member whom I love to bits and miss so much..

I have received such horrid telephone calls and messages then later text messages for help...this has been an incredible in fact no word can describe ...I am an extemely deep person who feels intensely..

I have read of many of the experiences on the carer side of the forum...I feel for each and everyone of those people..

we all react and respond differently...no way is the solution...not even the medical experts know the solution..

I know that love and boundaries is working for me now...when the boundaries no longer work...they are crumbling...there will always still be the love and this is the message I try to send...not from a point of being a saint..my message is from being a mum always wanting to reaffirm love...so hard to do when responding to psychosis....

the situation here is now being forced to something happening to bring about change..

I am connected yet unsure of my effectiveness and at the same time have my own fears triggered..

relying on the health support did not work...a complete waste of time... I cannot expand or explain further as person is very astute and on alert...

sorry all sounds like something out of a drama series...I just need to be very discreet..

thank you all yet again for continuing to support an absent party.

I do not think that I have ever felt so deplete..

.I am still unaware how long I was dissociated during my younger years..

Am now believing that does not matter moving forward..more important how aware I can be of what is real in life and take in that energy as often as I can.

As I write this my left foot and ankle have become numb. How bizarre yet at the same time our physical bodies relay to us sensations...reminders of feelings...relative to our minds..

our lives are always a never ending experience of learning..

too deep for many I know

this is me though and tonight I strongly sense the need to express this rather than keep this to myself...burying emotions.. a long time experience when very young building the darkness of depression..

no need for anyone to respond..

I am using this page...post...thread as a platform of expression...

thank you all who read

you do not have to agree...or even acknowledge

this last expression of feelings is for me and whoever might relate in some form..

🤎

earth

@Sophia1 💜💜💜💜

@Sophia1 My beautiful Sophia1 you are such a strong woman. I often think of you and wonder how you are going. Our situations are alike in many ways and yet different but the differences makes me want to give you gentle hugs and tell you that it will be okay. Remeber to be kind to yourself wont you. You are such an important person and the pea loves you dearly and wishes you well everyday.Thank you for keeping me in the loop. Take care. Lots of love peaxxx

Dear @Sophia1 It is wonderful that you can express yourself here and allow yourself to get some of what you are struggling with out. You have so much happening for you and I hear how incredibly hard it all is. You have boundaries in place that you are trying really hard to keep - that is so hard when your instincts are to reach out, help and support but looking after yourself is equally important. Life certainly throughs up many challenges and for you to be able to express those here is a great outlet for you - keep reaching out when you can and know we are not only listening but care

@Sophia1

Thankyou to everyone who has supported, responded.

Things have worsened yet again with family member.

Necessary workers are on alert

I just do not want to think about it

It breaks my heart to read some of the awful stuff that he says to me in text messages or voice mails.

Then when I respond the cold icy voice.

Then I stood up for my boundaries one day...I was then told to take care other messages sent were meant for someone else.,.

I do not know if this is manipulating or genuine concern.

Noone knows.

So I will take it as concern, add it to the love I feel.

I will go to bed early tonight and cry my eyes out...have not done for a long time. husband at a meeting.

take care all of you

do not concern yourself with my issues....

take care of yourselves...set your own boundaries...

one day at a time..

I have recently started to tell myself well I am alive another day..

that is life when it boils down to it

@Sophia1 💙💙💜💜❤️❤️

So sorry to hear things with family member have worsened again @Sophia1 but that you have people alerted to what is going on. You need to keep yourself safe and do whatever you need to do Hon. It sounds like he is trying to manipulate you with denials messages were meant for you ...one maybe but multiples very doubtful. I hear you want to see the better side but you also do not deserve to be the recipient of such abuse. Love is a powerful thing though so I know how hard it is to see the worst in people when we have love for them also. We do not have to like those we love however Hon - and we certainly do not have to suffer from abuse. Look after yourself first - keep those boundaries where you can and know you deserve so much better