Living with Ourselves

Hello @Zoe7

That would have been such a tremendous shock...

I understand what you are saying....

i don't believe it gets easier....

it starts to become different....

very different for each of us...

some people never grieve at all...

be gentle with you..

big cuddles with Toby and your cat...

Oh that would have been awful....

@Adge

Reassuring that she understood...

Another virus...are you picking these up from your work do you think?

Keep up your fluid intake....energy will return...

take care of yourself....hoping that it leaves you alone soon...

big hug ...

I agree @Sophia1 - it doesn't get any easier - just different and with each person that passes we hold onto different memories - some positive, some not so much but it is a combination of both that sustain our memory of that person in their entirety. Grieving is such an individual process and so different for each of us - but there can be unhelpful behaviours that we engage in that do not help the process of grieving - and that is when we can fall down the rabbit hole and find it hard to claw our way back up

Yes @Zoe7

That is very true...

It is so hard to support someone you love in that situation...we cannot tell people how to grieve...

we can only let them know that we are listening and there if they need us....

So true @Sophia1

I hope that you have a sound sleep tonight...

I hope that I do ...I have not been sleeping properly for some time now...I have that sense of fatigue...

So I am leaving the computer now and off to bed...

take care

I'm heading off myself now too @Sophia1 Goodnight Hon

hello @Owlunar

Your response took me back in time....probably between the ages of 7 and 11...unsure...

driving home from a day out with the family....the moon following us in the car.....

I think most children ask the question why is the moon following us...

especially close to a full moon....looming so large in a black sky quite forbidding for some young sensitive children...

I was an extremely fussy eater growing up...in fact there was very little that I would eat...I of course could not understand the fuss...I would literally only want to eat mashed potato....some vegetables....dry cereal....bananas....

school dinners became a calculated game of scraping food around the plate or dish...passing over dessert to a child whose stomach was a bottomless pit...all of this strategically taking place whilst the head teacher who sat at the top of the table was not looking...as in stuffing his own face with food...I of course made sure that I sat furthest away from him...

eventually caught out and forced to stay inside during the whole lunch period with a bowl of dessert in front of me...I did not eat one single morsel...I just moved it around the dish...it was of course glug and dried up....he was furious with me...he could not control me...to this day I have never had that dessert...

eventually mum went up to the school and saw the headmaster explaining that we had a proper cooked meal every night and that she would prepare healthy sandwiches and fruit...so a huge win in my eyes...I got my banana sandwiches...the only sandwich I would eat...an apple...and heaps of playtime...

Now as an adult I eat almost everything...love trying new foods...

My mum did the right thing ....encouraged me to eat...focussing on building up quantity...later different food groups...

I relate so well with not equating my sense of being or lack of with mental illness....for me I was in a constant state of fog or haze which I believed to be the same for everyone....as feelings were not discussed in our home....I then came up with the conclusion that there was something wrong with me....as everyone else seemed to be with it and happy with their fog...

make sense? written from a child perspective....as is my memory...

To this day I believe that i move in and out of depression...am more anxious at times....

I do not believe that I have depression and anxiety...those are terms for the medical world...I know that I have suffered too much trauma over the years...

my psychotherapist has said that as a diagnosis for medical terms only I have major depression...chronic trauma..anxiety..

today the anxiety is with me...the depression is lurking...the trauma is in the distance..

I see a specialist tomorrow who will hopefully clarify whether or not I need an operation ....

having this on the horizon of course is not helping the lurking depression and anxiety...

I am telling myself that change is happening regardless so am working on being open to that change...

the lunch yesterday....she was 35 minutes late....I had everything ready...husband helped clean house....I sent her a message...no response...then a knock at the door....she explained that her phone was flat...she had locked herself out of the house....I gave her a huge hug...told her that she sounded just like me....she was here for just under 3 hours and the two of us chatted away non stop....she has a very busy life with her family....wants to meet up again....I am also looking at going on the monthly outings now with the carers group who have changed their setup....seems to be far more organised...so some promising time ahead...

all hanging on the prospective operation....roll on tomorrow...

hoping that you are still travelling well...

the birdlife here at the moment is amazing....

Sophia

I hope that you managed some rest and are starting to feel some relief @Adge

The birdlife all around our property at the moment is stunning...

We have the dreaded corellas who do much damage to our trees...

I saw several eastern rosellas...various parrots and the plovers....along with our magpies and crows...

the magpies are very vocal this morning...

I often wonder how the budgerigars must feel when all of the other birds are freely flying around in front of them....

Sophia

I'm feeling a bit better today, thanks @Sophia1 Though I was still dizzy.

Those dreaded Corellas make lovely pets (if raised from young) - & live for up to 70 years (pet ones).

That's a long time to look after a pet - some out-live their owners.

Fortunately they don't seem so destructive here.

I love eastern rosellas, I had some pet ones as a teenager.

Here we have the western rosella (smaller & less bright), although mainly further south (not in city).

I have never seen a Magpie that wasn't vocal - although I don't mind, I think they sound lovely.

It's a different Magpie here on the west coast, it's the White-backed Magpie (has a different song too).

My Budgies are so happily chatting to each other, that I don't think they notice what's outside - I have a whole family of Budgies now.

Adge