Seeking mutual support from carers

@outlander

hey sweets, nope they wouldnt let her stay any longer. she has felt weakness in the past due to anaemia. but today it came on all of a sudden - basically when it was time for her to come home. also the poor luv fell during the night - that hasnt happenned before so that would have definintely freaked her out. but yeah, she was physically cleared from the public hospital ED and was compliant in coming home with me. the thing with mum is that she doesn't talk about what is on her mind. she bottles stuff up so it's hard to know what is going on sometimes. she's stuck in her own head, and i can tell there's a lot of stuff going on in tha head of hers but she won't tell me. i ask her if she wants to talk and she says no, if i ask too many times she no like

how u doing luv? x

poor thin. hopefully she picks up abit more now that shes home @Bella1978 maybe hand her a journal/book and pen and she can write down her own thoughts. let her know its not for you to read (even if you end up reading it) she shes more inclined to write down her thoughts. but dont force it. some people find it easier to shut down than to talk. it sounds like she might be doing that and her own way of coping for the time being.

make sure you take extra care of yourself too with your walks,movies, bubble baths, hot cuppas and a good book as well as rest and whichever other things you might like to do as well...

lots of hugs

@Susana

with mum, i am always the only one with her and yes, i know what you mean about feeling anxious when dealing with it all.

you make a lot of sense though - allowing your mum to take ownership of her decisions. i do think mum feels she's lost some control, and that i have taken over that control. yes, we need to choose our battles dont we? i will try take a bit of a step back so she doesn't feel i am hovering over her. it must be hard for her, losing some of her independence. i guess i would be pretty irate too! i just need to take each day as it comes, and pray that things improve for her. thank you so much for taking the time out to give me some advice - i appreciate it Susana.

x

@Susana

i hope you can get a bit of a breather now that your mum is staying with your cousin .

yes, its not easy caring for ourselves and for others. im shattered tonight lol. ive plonked myself on the sofa. i find i relax better when mum is at home.

please take care of yourself luv

xxx

@outlander

you're such a caring soul sweets *hugs*

i do hope she gradually picks up now that she is at home.

mum's way of coping is to shut down. i know its not healthy but its really hard to get her to open up. i can try with the journal - i journal and it helps me. mum is of the school of taking medication but not doing therapy. it has been suggested to her over the years. when she feels she can, she will talk to me but when she doesn't it's a real worry.

*sigh*

how u doing?

x

thanks @Bella1978 and so are you

i guess sometimes you have to want the help as well and be able to accept it. mothers loosing their independence would be really hard too. hopefully she opens up to you when shes ready, she knows your there, thats all you can do really

thanks @outlander

im so blessed to have the support of you and so many others in these forums. unbelievable how different i have felt these past couple of weeks having everyone's support

x

it really does help doesnt it @Bella1978 esp the being heard part and guided as well.

so many wonderful members here for sure!

we are having similar convos on 2 sep. threads so will just chat here for now if you dont mind @Bella1978

sometimes people cant be forced into doing things otherwise they just turn more sour and shut down. sometimes its best to organise things like gp visits etc even without consent as thats their wellbeing but other things like socially sometimes its too much all at once but the change is nice so maybe instead of going out a friend could come to your house for a visit.