My journey

Is anyone around? @Zoe7 @outlanderI’m feeling triggered, burnt out & angry.

Hey Hon - I am around @Former-Member What has happened?

I don’t know i am feeling it. I feel like throwing up @Zoe7 I feel so uncomfortable and dirty at the moment as well. Keep remembering things

That sounds horrible for you @Former-Member Remembering things is really tough and I understand that sick feeling - it is not a good feeling at all. Has something in particular triggered this today?

I was driving and just kept thinking of the past and have been all day @Zoe7 i am hating myself

When we blame ourselves for things that weren't our fault we get these horrible feelings going on. I know you would be beating yourself up for things that you have done also but you are in a different place now Hon and you have been working on changing things for yourself and your daughter. How did the inspection go - have you made a decision about the lease @Former-Member?

I keep blaming myself @Zoe7 The emotions has been so strong today. Not sure they haven’t said anything about inspection. I can’t financially afford to move on the 1st of December and I know I will be stressing like all hell right before Christmas anyway, but I want out. It’s like that’s the only option he has put by is that and not February -which is what I had asked for. This unit makes me feel sooooo depressed but I don’t know if it’s because I am not used to something like this, my mental health, the landlord or just that everything finally hit when I got housed after coming out of the refuge. I keep doubting myself and feel c**p when I look around and see other people coping while I am not. I went to the shops to get my daughter some clothes and shoes and just felt irritable and wanted to walk straight out.

I keep smoking and i feel disgusting

That is a difficult situation you are in @Former-Member I can fully understand you not wanting that added worry of finding a place and getting settle, plus the added expense, so close to Christmas. Maybe you have to hold out until January and then ask again to break the lease. Neither option - leaving in December or staying are ideal for you so I can see how hard this is for you.

Everything combined would be contributing to how you are feeling Hon - it totally sucks and it is hard to see a way out when you feel like so much is against you.

That is why I can remind you of the good things you have - you have your beautiful daughter and your course to look forward to next year. If you moved would you still be able to do the course?

My heart is racing @Zoe7 I am also sick of putting down my appearance because I have trouble with my eating already. I would rather my daughter have all she needs and wear the same stuff all the time for a while until it gets better. But it still makes me feel c**p though I will keep doing it again and again till it’s better. I can study online & smash it down in a year if I can put my heart and soul into it but it will be hard with the struggles and balancing. Everyone hates me for the damage

People* they tell me if I don’t look after myself I can’t look after her but I am seriously struggling and feel like I don’t deserve to most of the time @Zoe7