My journey

I don’t think I will ever find my way again @Zoe7 Standing in the dark taught me more about people that I wish I never had to feel

or go through. I wish I never had to see any of what I have. Even just hearing you are strong you know that don’t you. Really so that’s a reason to put me through the worst times of my life where it changed my view of the world all together. You need to stay positive though in a history of just being hurt I am different than them and I can’t do that now. I am shattered @Zoe7

It literally k***ed me inside and out.

I am off limits to every person out of there.

I even had one person bully the c**p out of me as to why I don’t do relationships now.

it has hurt me more than anything and that anyone knows and it’s hard for me because after three years I am not even close to being a quarter of at least somewhat OK

SO hearing you Hon - when we are put through so much crap it does detroy our souls and it can take so long to regain any sense of that self-worth again. ...and even though it doesn't seem like it right now I too have to believe that I will one day 'find myself' again because if I lose that hope then I lose every little bit of what is left of me now also.

It is so hard to see life becoming any better when we are in the midst of this kind of self-doubt and it is even harder when those outside of ourselves re-inforce how we feel about ourselves. That is why I am here with you @Former-Member to help you hold out just a little bit of hoe that it can get better but for now life simply sucks!

It might get better for you @Zoe7

I believe it can get better for you too @Former-Member It may be that you need to make some of the changes you have been thinking about - starting somewhere new, doing your course next year, finding a new place to work, moving to a different area, ....whatever it takes to change the situation you are currently stuck in to help you find that bit of hope again for yourself.

i Just want to sleep in a tent and pay off all past debts with past relationship because all the case workers that say I am moving forward well no I am not because I am just landing myself in a cycle of debt while providing for both of us and it’s affecting my mental state as well. Tried everything. With working you are only allowed to earn so much @Zoe7

The debt cycle is a very hard one to get out of @Former-Member and I know that you have incurred debts that are not just yours but you are stuck with them - that is so tough Hon.

The system does not reward those taking the initiative and working and that is no incentive for anyone - and that totally sucks too!

yeah if I just paid out those debts and neglected my child from not being able to afford anything then I’d probably receive a tonne of even more s**t. It was a trap with him right from the get go @Zoe7

I need to try to get some sleep @Former-Member - will try to check in with you tomorrow Hon

Night @Zoe7

Goodnight @Former-Member