My journey

Yep I’ve done it to others since. My life consists of being punished left right and centre and paying bills left right & centre. Both sides of the wringer. A slave @Zoe7

Night

I hope you can find some respite from it all soon @Former-Member. Goodnight Hon

Found out what the negotiation is regarding my rental -basically I don’t have to pay a fee if I stay on longer than the six months but before the twelve term finishes... now it’s either stay after the six months with a fee or leave on the date the landlord has offered which is the first of December :face_with_rolling_eyes:which does not suit & will look horrid. Today was my last day of working at the spa.

I am DONE ✅ very sick of everyone’s s**t.
Are people just stupid -including myself 😏 Everyone is in it for themselves

So don’t know whether to just say yep first of December and pack up and go or stay on and be massively depressed and stay in this black hole of a s**t hole place and keep barely affording to live all the time. Seriously tempted to sleep in a tent to start over lol do not care

literally punishing myself & hate everyone ALL DAY @Zoe7 Don’t know what is worse with me giving a dam or not giving a s**t

I suggest you start looking for a place to move to Hon and seriously consider the move in December - it is not ideal timing but it may be better than you staying another 6 months in a place that is clearly causing you heartache and much stress @Former-Member

What are you doing for work now?

My rent either goes up or down depending on income. Not working in a place where I get shat on and have things rubbed in my face all the time regarding history @Zoe7 when I know very well what happened to me.

Even had a staff member say to me today I like your tattoo.. I have six -the one was my ex partner.. literally got that angry

because it was all a lie for his own purpose

Then she said to me I couldn’t do it if I were you. I was half tempted to say well then why do you even comment and listen to other staff members that think they know everything about what happened and then seriously say that and what do you expect me to do Christ. Almost feel like everyone tells me what they think I want to hear but they are so wrong regarding everything unless it comes from me. Even just people saying I love you these days obviously they no I am hating myself from everything

Sick of the judgement when it comes to single parenting too. Literally sick of it!!!

I literally don’t care. I am just going to tell people that I don’t like that or need I don’t like them. Honestly messed up and should have just gone down the D**g world @Zoe7

Things are really tough for you at the moment - you don't need all those people telling you how hard it is - you already know that - what you need is support not veiled attempts at pity @Former-Member

I can hear how frustrated you are with all this Hon, I am not good myself atm but I only have myself and my fur babies to look after and you have your daughter. I also don't have the outside 'forces' putting pressure on me or treating me the way people are treating you - so although I get it to some extent I can only imagine how detrimental all that is to both your mental and physical well-being.

No one ever apologised for making me this way so now I really don’t care @Zoe7

There’s only so much you can take and cop in this life. Clear as day was with the devil and clear as day the devil changed me

I really don’t care anymore

How the hell can you even start to love yourself when all just bring you down then when I bring them down cause I am seriously drowning myself I am the bad guy anyway!!! I don’t want a child with any male species ever again. It’s Father’s Day tomorrow. Even that I hate

how do you tell this little human being mummy’s trying to stay alive & a float while daddy does not give one s**t about you but just pretends cause that’s the truth.

They say don’t lie to you’re kids even just that I find overwhelming within it self because I can’t make out he does when he doesn’t and that has nothing to do with me! He takes no responsibility over anything while I cop everyone’s crap in this place everywhere I go

you don’t get closure -you just turn into a different person altogether

Your daughter will one day know just how much her father has been absent and done nothing for her @Former-Member - right now though she is too young to comprehend the full extent of it all and that is tough for you to deal with as well. You protect your daughter and only want what is best for her and sometimes that means hiding some of these shitty things from her - that is how you protect her Hon and that is important.

As for those other people that give you such a hard time - you don't need them in your life. I know they have had and continue to have a very negative effect on you - I wish for you that that wasn't the case. Maybe moving will change all that for you.

No all I ever really needed was a true friend that didn’t judge me for feeling everything I do @Zoe7 with my situation and past relationship. I had friends that asked for my help regarding their relationships then shat on me too when they got whatever they wanted or when I stood for them to be treated well by a bloke. I don’t want pity, sometimes I just to need to off load because I am sick of doing it all on my own and copping s**t wouldn’t be bothered if I didn’t cop it but I do as well as fighting my head too @Zoe7

I get sick of everyone’s s**t too all the time and can’t stand up for myself. I’m literally broken beyond repair and have been for years

i am sick of hearing I understand how hard you have had it -now that I am mother...

Ummm no -you will never understand but think that makes me feel better for how you treated me within that time when you were not a mother nor doing it solo...

If I partied I would get judged if I didn’t look after my kid I would get judged if I stayed with him I get judged if I leave I get judged anyway now I am still constantly judged

if I make a bad move -judged...

if I buy something for myself -judged

if i don’t -judged

if I don’t eat-judged

if I don’t look after myself-judged

if I do -selfish

if I don’t socialise -judged

if I talk-judged

i could go on and on and on and on but won’t.

If I want s*x-labelled

if I don’t -still labelled

My head is going bonkers

No wonder your head is going 'bonkers' with dealing with all that Hon - that sucks @Former-Member

It is like no matter what you do someone is going to find fault with it - you can't win no matter how had you try.

It is not fair on you and you shouldn't have to deal with all that. Life just plain sucks sometimes - that part I do get

It is really hard when you are in this position to find any positives in your life but you have one big one and that is your daughter... and as for wwanting things in your life - you have every right to want thoose things and to not be judged for them. You are young and there is a world of possibilities open to you and those other people need to back off and let you find your way again.

I believe in you @Former-Member and I hope you feel like you can unload here on me anytime - that I hope is another positive in your life - we may only be conversing online but that still means something to me and I hope it does to you too