My journey

goodnight @Zoe7

Hi @Zoe7 Hope you are ok and having a good day, I accepted my letter of study for design six months early and handed all paper work in so I am ready to go for next years course, can’t wait for this day 😂

Yay! Also got a quote to fix my car up, had a horrible night last night my mind was in the past again remembering some voices and memories but got through it and ok today

That is such great news @Former-Member you are all set for study and have something you want to do to look forward to - that is huge!

Pleased you got a quote for your car - when that is fixed it will be a load off your mind too

Glad you are ok today - those tricky nights can have such a big effect on us so good that you got through it and are feeling ok today.

I have been having some tricky nights myself - not sleeping, nightmares, flashbacks and feeling very tired and unmotivated, I saw my pdoc today and she has increased my meds so will probably have a few nights where I sleep for longer than I should but it is better than not sleeping at all - we both know how tricky those nights are. I feel a lot better increasing the meds again because I have been able to feel the downward slide and did not want to go backwards any further. Hopefully this will help with that.

Need to stop trying to control everything and just let it all takes it course with the situation.

Really looking forward to next year and just having some time to myself. Yeah I have been having them makes you really exhausted. Glad the meds are helping I think I really need to go on medication but can’t or just keep thinking I can get through without it but don’t think I can. I start and I stop and don’t stick with it.

Little bit annoyed at the moment, I had a family member message and say hi sexy to me this afternoon which I have found really inappropriate and disgusting actually, don’t know how to handle it @Zoe7

@Former-Member Even though it may be a light hearted way to say Hi to you - you find it inappropriate and that is what matters. It is a hard one to handle though - you don't want to sound like you are blowing it out of proportion but you need them to know it was not appropriate ...maybe simply ignore it but if it happens again then say something...

Sometimes meds are not the answer - I know personally they are all that have kept me alive - and it has taken a long time to find the right ones but we still haven't got the right levels of dosages - too high and I can't function properly and too low and I don't sleep and therefore don't function at all - it can be a fine line getting them right.

It actually just really triggered me @Zoe7

I lost it and blew my rocket about ten minutes ago. The person basically said they would never do anything to hurt me but that’s not the point I just don’t like it nor feel comfy and remembered something. I did the opposite and blew up 😏 like I have done before.

The dosages are difficult first one I took sent me to hospital. You must be really tired all the time too @Zoe7

Oh dear @Former-Member sorry that it triggered you Hon - know what that is like and when it comes from a family member it makes it even harder So you blew up - now it is about helping yourself to move on in small steps - you have let them know it was inappropriate and it seems like they got the message!

I am tired a lot of the time - there have been days in the last couple of months that I have felt more awake and been able to do little things - but I am very conscious that that changes from day to day and to not push myself too far. Being able to get to the pool twice a week is a big deal for me but also leaves me tired sfterwards - but as with everything I am doing it and getting into that routine is an important step for me in getting back to work eventually.

I really hope you can get back to work @Zoe7 and be happy there again, exhaustion is the worst and really hard to get through.Yeah I lost it, have calmed down a bit now

Checking in with you Hon to see how you are travelling @Former-Member

I am off to the pool soon for my hydrotherapy session but will be around later this afternoon.

Hope you and your daughter are well and you are dealing with things ok.

Hey, preparing to let something go after thursday morning @Zoe7

we are fine... hope you have a good day