My journey

I've been really worried about you @Former-Member You have been having an extremely tough time lately and I know you have had a lot on your mind. I am pleased to hear you are okish today - sometimes we need that time to work things out in our heads and give ourselves some space from everyone else. Sorry you felt close to tears at work yesterday - that is hard Hon but you got through it.

How is your gorgeous little girl - is she giving mum lots of hugs?

It’s been difficult @Zoe7 yeah she is ok

I know you have been doing it really tough since you came back from Brissie - wish I could do more for you Hon @Former-Member

I am falling @Zoe7 feel very messed up

Life is tough for you at the moment but you are managing to get through each day - go to work and look after your daughter @Former-Member They are positive things Hon.

Just @Zoe7 the whole thing has been one hell of a ride that’s for sure

It certainly has Hon - I often wonder how much more I can take - some days it seems to be one hit after the other but just like you we keep going - I have Toby and Cat and you have your little girl and they are what often keep us going - the love they show us is invaluable @Former-Member

That’s very true @Zoe7

Just wish I felt the weight gone Zoe and good things -not all the hate, that day i don’t think will come again.I don’t even know where I started being mad at the world

The pressure of everything makes me feel entirely exhausted. When I was diagnosed with ptsd it was so long ago. I just don’t like who I am anymore from it

I don't think ptsd ever leaves us Hon - we just find ways to deal with it a little better I know what you mean about hate - it is a hard thing to be constantly feeling - mine is fear - it used to be that I was always fearful of what might happen and couldn't enjoy anything in the moment ...but I wasn't always like that... there was a time I did enjoy life and could get the most out of it but 'circumstances' changed that - changed me. Now I am much more guarded and I generally don't like 'people' - and that is because of what I have been through - just like you @Former-Member we become consumed by our past and can't see a way forward without pain but it is possible - I need to believe that to continue to get through each day.

So true @Zoe7 I don’t know how you can still love others which I have seen and treat them with respect.

I can’t most of the time! I wasn’t treated with respect in that time in that relationship. I was a door mat. Now though I feel like I have treated others the same way I was I don’t know any different.

A couple of times I haven’t honestly cared for my reactions or actions which makes me untrustworthy it’s just been hell. It’s hard I wasn’t always a negative person either