My journey

If all goes well I should be enrolling into a Diploma of interior design and decoration course next year in February which is all online for 12 months then a bachelors degree in commercial or residential depending on which I chose. My little one will be at school full time. Roughly would undertake 30 hours a week of study @Zoe7

How is you’re back?

My back is still very sore @Former-Member - I start hydrotherapy next week so expecting the next couple of weeks for it to get worse before I start seeing some improvements. It is now a case of building up the muscles to help with the damage that we cannot fix. I am trying not to take too many pain meds during the day but treat it with heat and rest - sitting and standing are still the most painful.

Having your girl at school full-time will give you more time for study @Former-Member - so proud of you Hon for having such a forward plan to help yourself - WTG

It must have been quite severe the injury @Zoe7

wish someone was there to take care of you

Thank you.

Still so weird things are actually going well in my life and I am still stressing or thinking something really really bad is going to happen something will happen

I think that is part of having a MI too @Former-Member - we concentrate so much on the negative and expect things to get worse - maybe that is because our experiences have been like that in the past - we don't necessarily think positively as our default setting and that sets us back often in our recovery... it is a hard mindset to get out of Hon - I think we both know that

Yeah that’s right @Zoe7

Hi Hon @Former-Member What you been up to tonight?

Cleaning like crazy, just finished putting my daughters drawers up tonight. It took three days and a heap of determination lol

I get mad at myself when I can’t do something real quick

i accidentally scratched the timber and have no idea what I should. Landlord might *ill me..

they are up—and clothes are inside

what are you up too? @Zoe7

I have a trip for scratches on timber @Former-Member - place a clean tea towl over the scratch and iron over it - the heat should raise the timber out where you have scratched it - only use the iron on a low setting though

I am chatting with Mazarita and Greenpea on a long rave thread - come and join us - those two are a hoot!

Ok thanks for the tip I am afraid though the tea towel will catch on fire knowing my luck.

I googled it earlier and it said something about an iron too, one had mayonnaise so I did put mayonnaise on my floor but it didn’t work lol

I used toothpaste yesterday to get rust off some stuff and it that worked!! 😆

Ok I will come have a look 🙂 thanks @Zoe7

Something I am really struggling with tonight

why does everyone make you feel guilty for leaving something that almost had me ...D

why do people judge me for it...

stereotype me as a mum

Get angry when I have a right to be angry over the situation

assume all these things but then when I speak about how I feel they don’t want to hear it

They tell you they are always there but then don’t know how to deal with it or shut you out either that or you personally push them away before they do it anyway

I am wreck at the moment and I feel like screaming.

Every one has a winge about the person you have become

They judge you for being guarded

They rip you apart for just wanting to hide from the world

I have treated people how they have treated me and disgustingly sometimes think well now you know how it feels now or I feel because they don’t understand it any other way

I know it is wrong to think this

I am carrying hate inside and out some days

Some days I love ...most days I hate

Every one makes you feel almost guilty for not being ok but when i fake being ok I get judged anyway

My head has been in the darkest place for years. Anger is just my defence of PAIN

Worthless is an understatement of what I feel

most days, any time someone cares I just think they are lying most of the time

I hate myself for not knowing better

I hate every decision I have actually ever made

when will the war be over it will never be over

and forever I will feel punished