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The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

CheerBearSenior Contributor05 Mar 2018, 8:02 pm AEDT

The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Hi everyone ☺

I'm guessing lots of people out there have heard the words "it takes a village to raise a child". It's one I believe in but one it seems many of us can really struggle with for lots of reasons. For those of us living with extra challenges like mental health related issues, it makes sense that being part of a strong and supportive network could be really helpful. I have found though, that extra challenges can make it extra challenging to find and be part of an understanding and supportive 'village' (and sometimes the people in our village are part of the issues/challenges - it can be a bit of a catch 22).

Maybe we could build a virtual kind of parenting support village here where we can share some of the ups and downs of raising kids, celebrate the good times, support each other through the not-so-good times, and connect with others who might "get it".

Tagging@Former-Member @Bubbles3 @Snowie @Former-Member @health4s @kv22 @Scarlet79 @CrazyTiger @defeatedmumma @Former-Member @NameUnknown (with no pressure to reply - more so you're aware that this space is here if you'd like to use it) and inviting anyone who'd like to jump in anytime to come along ☺

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In response to: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

ethSenior Contributor19 Nov 2019, 7:08 am AEDT

Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Hi @Sweet_cheeks hope today goes really smoothly for you and your son with his move and that it makes life better for both of you. Take care today.

@CheerBear thanks for the thanks! Some of my stories are not pretty but I tell them only in the hope they will help someone else - even if it's to avoid what I did. Have a good day.

Thinking of you and sending loads of love @Faith-and-Hope xx

In response to: Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Sweet_cheeksSenior Contributor19 Nov 2019, 7:25 am AEDT

Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

@eth Thanks Eth

In response to: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

LoreliContributor01 Dec 2019, 1:30 am AEDT

Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Hi parents! I just found this forum. I have just left an abusive relationship and my toddler and I have restraining orders in place. This is all new territory for me and I have so many anxieties about how to make sure she has the least amount of negative experience moving forward from this, I am still going through the legal system, and am trying to get my 2 yr old back into a normal sleep routine, she’s in my bed all the time, now, and I was wondering if there was any advice here? She needs to feel safe but I could do with some me time 😕

thankyou

In response to: Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

CheerBearSenior Contributor01 Dec 2019, 5:50 am AEDT

Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Hi @Loreli and welcome to the forum.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be a really hard thing to do and really hard with little people involved too. I'm sorry to hear you've been through that. I left when my kids were little and then left again (with orders in place etc) a few years ago. It's a tough one.

It's so hard to balance your own needs and the needs of your kids. I really empathise with how difficult it is to find a way to provide that safety for your daughter and the time you need on your own or to have your own time, especially if safety for her means constantly being with you as it can often do.

I don't have much in the way of advice with sleeping. For me it was harder to fight them with sleep than it was to have them in my bed (that can still be the case at times 😏) but I know that's not something everyone can or wants to do. It's what worked for us and doing what worked for us was a really important part of getting through it all. Again, lots of empathy though. Trying to get some kind of routine in it all can be super hard. Have you tried calling Parentline? They can be really helpful with practical suggestions when it comes to all things kids. You can find contact details for Parentline in your state here

Going through what you are at the moment is huge (I'm guessing). How are you travelling yourself?

Really glad you found the forum. I hope it's helpful for you to be here.

In response to: Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

LoreliContributor01 Dec 2019, 12:38 pm AEDT

Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Thankyou so much for your response @CheerBear !

I'm finding the same, that it's easier not to fight them with sleep. I don't mind her in the bed, I think it is helping both of us feel safe at the moment! I'm trying to get her bedtime routine more compact so that I can essentially get back up and watch tv or something for an hour or so after she has fallen asleep.

I'm so sorry to hear that you went through similar situations, my heart goes out to you and your kids. I want to ask if it gets easier, but also I don't know if I want to hear the answer

I have been doing the online course called parentworks, reccomended by my gp. I have found it really helpful so far, they go through different situations that apply to all ages. Its gov funded and university created, its a great resource. They go through quality vs quantity time, and positive attention at the best possible times to reinforce good behaviour, teaching emotional regulation, and Im up to learning how to do an age appropriate time out to de-escalate tantrums. Seems to be really good so far, and feels very 'non-judgey' if that makes sense.

I think a big thing for me at the moment is that I am so overwhelmed that I am buried in my ipad and over-encouraging her to watch TV and movies. I don't have the mental presence to remain present with her, I just get upset, or irritable, or dissociate. I feel so guilty about it. I am trying so hard to really process my emotions now, because in the past I have been very good at just shutting all the emotions down. That makes it look like I'm coping incredibly well from the outside, but then I will end up with a serious deppressive or anxiety episode months down the line. I want to model normal emotions to my daughter, and I know I have to feel it to get through it, but god it's not easy. I will give parentline a ring, thankyou for that!

Sorry this is a very patchy response, I'm all over the place!

In response to: Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

CheerBearSenior Contributor02 Dec 2019, 6:19 am AEDT

Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Hey @Loreli. It's good to see you again. It's very OK to feel a bit all over the place. We do all over the place well here 🙂

I'd like to say it gets easier but that's crystal ball stuff. In my experience it does become different though and quite a bit of that is better. My kids are safer and it's been an incredible lesson in what really matters to me. I really hope you'll find that it gets better for you both.

It sounds like you're super insightful and in tune with your daughter and her needs (and your needs too, though that can be hard when you know what you need but you can't get it). The parenting course sounds really interesting and very helpful. I'll have a look at it properly sometime. If you're finding benefit in doing it you might also be interested in MindSpot who do online courses (free) with a mental health focus.

I can relate well to a lot of your post. It's an incredibly tough time and can be so overwhelming. It makes a lot of sense that you're needing to tune out. I get how guilt can creep in when tuning out happens around our kids though. I struggle with guilt too. I wish there a was a fix to that and a way to ease it for all of us who, I genuinely believe, really are doing the best we can with what we have ❤

It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself at the moment which so many parents do. It's so hard when there's a lot of pressure on you as it is. Again from my experience, in an abusive relationship there's huge pressure to minimise the impact of it on our kids. That often doesn't stop when the relationship ends and we find ourselves under even more pressure as single parents. Just another thing I desperately wish could be eased in some way.

What kinds of supports do you have around you? Are there friends, family, professionals etc supporting you?

It's really good to have you here. I found myself so alone with it all but knowing there were people here and a safe place I could turn has really helped me. Keep talking if it helps you.

In response to: Re: The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Shaz51Senior Contributor28 Mar 2020, 1:34 pm AEDT