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On the capacity to be alone

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 Nov 2015, 4:01 pm AEDT

On the capacity to be alone

Here is an article about a psychoanalyst

http://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/6286/the-art-of-nonfiction-no-7-adam-phillips

I like his references to Donald Winnicott and "On the capacity to be alone".

He is referring to a child being happy to be alone with its mother ... but as adults ...

Maybe if we can manage to enjoy our solitude it can help reduce feelings of loneliness. It also puts in perspective the frequent popularity competitions that occur in social groups.

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In response to: On the capacity to be alone

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 Nov 2015, 10:14 pm AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

Adam Phillips also recognises the importance of conversation or dialogue.

It is not about always being alone.

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

MazaritaSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 12:44 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

Hi @Appleblossom. I haven't read the article but I've thought a lot about solitude and social connection, without any solid answers. I know I need both to feel okay really. In my younger days I really felt I should be able to be completely emotionally independent of people and yet I was driven by a yearning for the exchange of love, as I still am I think. Sometimes I think humans are like birds, who seem to need to call and answer each other and express themselves vocally throughout each waking day...

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

AppleblossomSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 1:02 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

I like the bird metaphor ... yes I think we flourish better with both connection and solitude ... they enrich each other ... Personally, I find people who cannot spend time alone a little lacking.

Did you ever read Carrie Tiffany's Mateship with Birds ... I loved it.

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

MazaritaSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 1:12 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

@Appleblossom, I've just ordered 'Mateship With Birds' online on your recommendation. Even just the title of the book and my feeling about birds tells me I want to read it.

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

AppleblossomSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 1:21 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

Great @Mazarita

I really like her other book too. "Everyman's rules for Scientific Living" ... you can imagine that would be me!

The Eye of the Sheep by Sophie Laguna is great too.

and Peter Goldsworthy ... not just the gels.

I am actually quite excited by the direction Aus lit is taking .. I ahve been doin a catchup of old classics and new novels over the last couple years ... its helped me connect to Aus culture and get over the hurts of my bumbling social exchanges ... I finally feel a true blue ...

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

MazaritaSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 1:39 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

I'd be interested to read Sophie Laguna's book but will save that for later. I'm still slowly getting through my romantic convict adventure. It's only very recently I've been able to read novels again. Mateship with Birds will be next. I love old classics and have read the main recommendations on Project Gutenberg in big bursts at times, following particular authors through whatever I could find of them on there. Buying new books is a rare indulgence for me so I'm very out of touch with what's happening. I'm sure I don't feel true blue. More like a rainbow parakeet perhaps.

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

AppleblossomSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 1:58 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

Rainbow parakeets are a helluva lot more beautiful than true blues. I borrowed Mateship ... from the library ... I hope you wont be disappointed. I liked it enough to actually buy the Scientific ... when I ran across it on special.

I have only looked a little on Project Gutenberg .. I have lots of books at home ... so I use them and the library ... its only been 2 years that I have had regular access to the web.

I tended to associate with migrants mostly ... the nice Australian girls didnt get me and the rough ones ... were a bit ouch ...

I bought my first books from Amazon this week ... on kindle ... $6 for a Jamaican Man Booker winner

kinda brings me back to the days when I would bop along to Bob Marley

I might turn in soon ... but our chats have really eased the loneliness of the long nights.

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

MazaritaSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 2:25 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

I think I will be interested in whatever Mateship turns out to be. It's good that you go to the library, better than online in so many ways. Yes, I'm way overtired too, good idea to get some sleep. I really enjoy our chats too @Appleblossom.

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

AppleblossomSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 3:52 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

Still awake

just watched Robert Sapolski's 8 th lecture Recognising Relatives

For a few years I wasnt at all intersested in reading fiction either.

thinking of convict times and remembered a colonial miniseries I watched called "Against the Wind" ... as usual I watched it about 30 years after it came out ... but it was worth it. I am often a bit late ... or out of date.

In response to: Re: On the capacity to be alone

MazaritaSenior Contributor28 Nov 2015, 9:06 am AEDT

Re: On the capacity to be alone

@Appleblossom I remember 'Against the Wind'. Jon English I think. One of my net interests a few years ago was genealogy. It opened up history in general to me through being able to relate personally to it with learning about real relatives who lived before me. It started because I never met or had any contact with my paternal grandfather and had always been curious about him. He lived far away in the outback and he was barely mentioned when I was growing up. Trying to research him gave rise to some interesting emails with people out there and led on to delving deeper into the family tree. I found that three of my earlier ancestors were convicts.

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