catching up

Oh thank you so much, i worried about you all night, sorry my angel i only just got up, i didn't sleep well, i suppose it was to be expected.

lease Karen, make some beautiful memories with your little girls today, focus on the here and now, focus on your two girls, remember to breath, remember to use your senses, and try to avoid triggering parts of the island.

My angel i will hold your hand all day, if you get scared or anxious, just grip my hand tighter 🙂

I will be here to support you, just let me know what i can do 🙂

hugs my angel, you are doing well, 1 day down.

Jacques

Hi My angel, i guess by now you are washing all the sand out of your clothing , i know when i used to go to the beach as a kid, i would have sand everywhere, not good when it is in your undies!!!!!!, i hope you did not get too burnt today and wore a hat and protective clothing.

I hope you focused on the beautiful smell of the ocean, the sand between your toes the warm sun on your face and the water on your feet 🙂

My thoughts are with you my angel, i hope you are making some wonderful memories, this is your time now, your new life.

hugs my angel, miss you a lot.

Jacques

Hi My angel :),

I am ok, my chest is really hurting, my ribs are so sore, and last night about 2am i though i was having a heart attack, my lungs where burning and their was an intents pain in my chest, i was so scared.

I am really worried about you too Karen, we both have pushed ourselves really hard, and i think it has taken it toll. i am so glad you are here supporting me 🙂 without you i don't know if i could manage this.

Today i did the mowing, fitted some new wheels on the motobike stand and cleaned out the air vents in the house, so much dust!!!!!!!

Karen, i have been looking at that picture all day, imagining your hand in mine, giving me unconditional support, i do hope you aloow me to hold your hand Karen, you are so special to me.

Karen, i can't stand mum touching me, when she puts her arms around my shoulder i back away, it makes her so sad, i had one of mums friends touch me on the shoulder to get my attention, i jumped and backed away so fast i knocked all my tools of the shelf, it gave him quite a fright too.

Karen it is part of our condition, we are frightened of human contact, physical and emotional, it is not silly Karen, i feel so sad for you and me for being so conditioned as to be afraid moments of affection 😞

My angel i do hope you made some nice memories with your girls today, i have really missed you.

hugs

Jacques

My angel that is so beautiful, i think of you holding my hand when i wake up of a night panicing too, or you just sitting on my bed beside me, it brings me great comfort, Karen, their is nothing creepy about doing or thinking of something that brings us comfort.

I really thought this was it last night, i really thought i was having a heart attack, why does the physical symptoms get so bad? i am so exhausted all the time, mum is worried i have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome because i have to rest so much.

Yeah, soometimes i think i am going to rest in the morning, but then i feel guilty i am not doing enough and get going.

Yes i know how hard it is, even when mum was in hospital last week, all i could do is just say good by, pat her on the hand and then left, i could not even hug her then, i felt so ashamed, other relatives where hugging their loved ones, but i just could not do it.

It must be so tough with your girls though, they need all the love and attention you can give them. i hope over time Karen, these feelings subside and you can be affectionate with your girls.