catching up

Thank you for not hateing me Karen, i know it must be really triggering hearing what i have done, i really hate myself for it, mum was so concerned i was goign to hurt myself, she kept checking on me 😞 i wish i could control myself.

Yes, you are right i need an outlet like a punching bag. i just don't know how to control it anymore.

My angel, just being here and not hateing me is fine, i don't want to hurt or triggr you, if i do please walk away, i could not bear the fact i have hurt or upset you.

I don't know if i am safe, SH is off the charts, i have not SH so much ever.

I do hope i am not a monster, i don't want to be, i am scared of myself, scared of what i am capable of.

Thank you Karen, i am really scared of myself 😞 thank you for being here for me, thank you for being my friend, thank you for caring.

Sorry i am not here for you. sorry about everything.

Aww @Jacques. **hugs**

I agree with @hiddenite everyone's can relate to loosing control - we've all done it, and felt ashamed too.

It seems like a scary place to be in, not feeling like you can control yourself, and afraid of what you might do.

@Jacques what can we do to keep you safe? What's helped in the past?

I am trying to breath, listening to calming music and trying to cry. i don't know what else to do. i feel terrible.

I don't want to upset anyone else, @CherryBomb, if you think i am too much tonight please ask me to go offline.

@Jacques you're so thoughtful.

If you feel up to it, please feel free to stay on here to distract. It's great that you're trying some strategies to calm down like breathing and calming music - what are you listening too?

I believe @hiddenite has invited you to hold hands? Perhaps it's time to get the fire going in the cabin in the woods?

CherryBomb

Gentle flickering flames rising up to the stars. Its nice to sit around the fire and talk.

I am listening to enigma, a german band, very calming for me, and relaxing piano, i love the sound of the piano.

Gosh al lyou ladies are so kind to me, i wish i deserved it.

the smell of pine perfuming from the fire.

We do it because you DO deserve it.

I got marshmellows if anyone wants to roast them on a stick?

cups of cocoa or glasses of pomegranate juice ... take your pick?