catching up

Hi My angel,

I am so glad others have given you their insights into ECT, it is a big decision, but one you wil have to make alone, some questions i think you should think about:

How will this effect me positively?

How will it efect me negatively?

Will it help me?

Am i willing to lose some memories?

Will it help me be safe in the future?

I hope you can work this out and make the right choice for you.

As i said before i will be here to support you no matter what, you are my best friend and i will always be walking beside you 🙂

hugs my princess. missing you a lot.

Jacques

@hiddenite As mothers we often put effort into offering choices and helping guide our children in making their decisions but as parents we are often faced with overwhelm.

Once your place is better for daily living you will be able to take more time out for yourself.

My son was a little impatient with me as I was stressing about how big a renovation to do on our place. He said I couldnt make decisions ... later I realised that was not true .. ie had thought of fixing up garage as a den for him a year ago so he had more space ... and this last month to completely do bathroom and kitchen or partial. I have settled for partial fix ups .... as his opinions were relevant to the nature of the renos.

Just suggesting that you genuinely do have a lot on your plate ... with all the stuff in the house .. and the kids therapy .. so maybe delay the decision re ECT for a while ... unless of course you REALLY think it will benefit you to have it ASAP.

just thinking about you ... throwing ideas around ...

Hi my angel,

Yes, i think you are going to have a lot to htink about, on top of everything else you have on your plate already like @Appleblossom says.

Yes i have bad memory loss, short and long term, i only remember the abuse in vivid detail, like you, i don't know why it is something i remember, maybe because it has had the biggest impact on my life. I have very little concentration too, i can only read about half a page now before struggling. it is so hard to only remember the bad times, but please remember you are not the only one, i have the same problems.

Oh mum decided not to take the car out today, so maybe through the week, i just hope it starts.

Tonight my aunt has come to visit, i washed her car this afternoon as well as mine, i am doing some computer stuff, and chatting to my best friend, and catching up on the news, which is horrible, i can go into it for hours, i wish i knew why humans are so cruel.

Oh my angel, i have been having bad twitches too, can you get up and so some slow muscle movements, you need to reset your muscles, please try, swirl your arms, and stretch your legs.

Oh yes, i am aching alright, i have a quiet day tomorrow, so i will be happy. please try to not get too upset with your muscles, i know how frustrating it can be.

Hugs my princess. 🙂

Jacques

hi @Appleblossom,

Yes i do @Appleblossom, when i nurture something and care for it, i want it to flourish, they are my way of socialising, i knwow it sounds weird but having no contact with people, i use plants and animals to offset my lack of social contact.

I even get really upset when a wild animal dies in my yard, i even sat on the ground for 3 hours with a container of water for a bird who was dying, i sat with it until it passed, that is what nature means to me.

hope you are doing well tonight, i hope things are going good for you still.

thanks for sharing that @Jacques

Because I had experienced so much loss of human beings .. gardening has been very helpful for me, especially in the last 15 years, to process grief ... and learn about essential life processes. At first I was hypersensitive to anything dieing and felt I was cursed ... and everything I touched died etc .. but unlike when I was a child I could go to various nurseries and discuss issues .. eventually I came to realise the actual issues of my different plants and their needs etc ... now I am less over-involved in the success of my plants ... but I can understand your sensitivity and intense closeness to nature and it attracted me immediately to you.

I try to do things as organically as possible .. but I actually had to use some weed poison today on the wattle and another stump. I am not rigid ... I prefer mechanical weeding but try not to get too fanatical about any one thing.

As the kids in the street say ... when one neighbour said she was having a garden competition with me .. .. its not a competition ... it has just become "my thing".

I am doing well ... son went busking today ... we have 2 big days coming up ... both in CBD.

take care Apple

Oh that would be lovely my angel, essential oils too, lavender is my favourite.

Haha, not by choice, mums friends seem to need something al lthe time, but i am always here to help, they have done so much for me and mum over the years, i feel indebted to them all. i fele like i owe them all, so i try to pay them all back by doing things for them. 🙂

Oh my angel, that is good news, even though you are nervious, it is good that someone is willing to help you, Karen, please just be yourself, their will be no right or wrong answers, just answer truthfully and you will be fine.

As for the girls, all i can say is try to be as honest as possible with them, and let them know these people are here to help you.

Karen, i will be here for you my friend, on monday anythign you want or need just ask and i will try my best to help. you will not be alone, i will be holding your hand, just imagine me sitting next to you while they are their.

Karen, try not to get yourself worked up about the interview, i know it is hard, i do the same, i make things so much more worse in my head then the event actually turns out.

What are you going to do to distract on Monday morning?

Yes @Appleblossom,

i totally understand, i often feel i am cursed, like anything i touch turns on me, that is partly why i turned away from society.

Plants and animals don't judge me, don't bully me and they choose if they want to come near me or not, that is the biggest things for me, the animals choose to come to me, they feel safe around me, and that makes em feel special.

I am proud that you enjoy gardening and you feel like it is thereputic, their is nothing like gardening, and the best part you don't need a big garden.

Yes i use weed spray too, but i limit how much i use, i only use it if i can't get into pull it out.

That is great news, i wish you all the best over the next few days. i will have my fingers crossed.