catching up

Hi my princess :),

You are sounding a little better today, oh the poor little things, they are just scared. make sure you reassure them it is just a small infection.

yes my angel, i was trying to gently push you to go to the doctor, i knew how bad it gets from experiance. Karen, when you are a little better i will give you a chat too, i am just not sure you are ready to hear it yet.

i promise i am not judging you, i just want you to think about some things. let me know when you are ready to hear it.

Karen, you have had it drummed into you from your husband and mother that you are not worthwhile, so of course you are goign to treat your self badly, i am here to rebuild your self confidents, self-worth, self-esteem and self-respect. We will work on this together my friend, it will take time, you may trip on the journey but i will always be here to pick you up.

my angel, i will always be by your side, you mean the world to me, i care for you so much, the same as i care for my mother, i have never cared for anyone like i do you my friend.

i am ok, a little drowsey and confused, but i am managing, i feel much better after my afternoon snooze, but i am very scared of tonight, i am about to cook some dinner, so would it be ok if we chat a little later?

thank you my friend, you are awsome. my sweet princess sending you some virtual roses, get well soon

Jacques

Hi my angel, well if you think you are ready for this, please don't be angry at me, and please stay friends with me, i only mean to help you, i am not judging you 🙂

Ok Karen, you have been trained by your husband and mother that you are worthless, for 24 years and counting, you have been trained to hate yourself for twice as long as you where at school, you have had to survive terrible hings in the only way you knew how, your family has blamed you for not being good enough, no one seems to question why he was so mean to you, Karen, you are just saying what you have been told for 24 years, i know how it is i was terrorised for 8 years, so i do know how others perceptions can make you really believe you are a bad person, i had so many people telling me i was gay, fat and lazy, that i would amount to nothing, i believed it for so long because i was told these things every day. Karen, you believe these things not because they are true but because you have been told over and over and over how worthless you are.

Karen, you really need to change the way you think, everyone deserves respect, kindness, self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, friendship, love and happiness. you included.

Karen you are a good person, you did not deserve all the things your husband did to you, you do not deserve the treatment you are getting from your mother, and you deserve so much better from society and MH professionals.

Karen if you are going to move into your new home you need to start caring for yourself physically and mentally, the girls need you and you need to be able to care for them and have fun with them.

Karen you are not selfish, in the past i often hoped some illness would get serious enough to take my life, sort of a SI i suppose, i do get it, i have thought the same way. you need to change this way of thinking.

Karen you are doing all the right things, you went to the doctor, you care for your MH you are always reaching out for help.

I am so proud to call you my friend, you fight every day, even when you don't want to, you need to surround yourself with people who care about you and encourage you to be happy and healthy, if it is just a network like this forum so be it, this is all i have too.

After 24 years you need to re-educate yourself to love yourself again, to respect yourself, rebuild your self-esteem and self-confidence. you are a good person Karen, a wonderful friend and a loving mother, you are not selfish for having these thoughts, they are just a manifestation of your struggle with anxiety and depression.

Would it be possible to do something each day to show yourself love? maybe something as simple as pick a flower and smell its sweet aroma? or put on some nice hand cream, or just look in the mirror and say to yourself how beautiful you are?

Karen, i am not perfect, i have the same struggles, i mean no harm by what i say, i will always be your friend, i would never judge you or put you down, i say these things because i care about you. i understand because i have the same daily struggles and am trying to do the same for myself as i am asking you to do for yourself.

Please let me know if i have overstepped the mark and i promise i will never say these things ever again. i only mean the best intentions Karen, you are worth my time, you are worth my thinking of you and worrying and caring for you.

hugs my friend, be safe

Jacques

Karen, i only know these things because i am going through them myself, you need to take the medication the doctor gave you Karen, please don't mess around, you need to get well, you can have major complications if you don't take the medication the doctor prescribed.

Karen, please for the sake of your girls and me please do this, you have so much to live for, you have so much to give and receive in life. i know how easy it is to let go, but we need to fight on, you for the girls, me for mum.

please talk to me Karen, don't push me away, you don't deserve the pain you are going through you don't deserve to be punished, please care for yourself, please make yourself better.

hugs my angel, you are upsetting me by not taking the medication. 😞

please for me

Jacques

Karen, i know my friend, it is so hard, but you must take the medication, allow the thoughts to be their but don't let them control you.

Well my angel, the truth is i have never overcome them, i just fight them, even now i put myself in harms way hoping for somethign to happen, but i force myself to stay safe. it is a struggle and it is exhausting, but giving up is not an option for you or me.

Karen if anything ever happened to you i would be devistated, i care for you so deeply, it is my worst nightmare losing you my friend, you mean the world to me.

gentle hugs my angel, please stay safe

Jacques

Karen all you will achieve by doing this is put yourself through a lot of pain and get very sick, and would ultimately need to spend every second day in hospital with dialysis not only would you hurt yourself, you would hurt the girls and hurt me.

Karen you need to fight these thoughts, they will not have the desired effect and you would huret me deeply by doing this.

please my angel, i am happy to hold your hand, happy to walk beside you, but you must walk beside me too 🙂

Karen my angel, please always remember you are never alone with these thoughts, you, me and i am sure many others have had the exact same thoughts. i have not acted on them, neither should you, are you going to take the medication?

Karen, i care for you so much, i wish i could be their in person to make you take them, i so wish we lived close so i could comfort you through these dark times.

My angel, i can only meet you half way, you need to put in some effort too, i can only encourage you to care for yourself, you need to take the step of caring for yourself, i will always be here for you my friend, always unconditionally, please do the same for me 🙂

You do not deserve this Karen, look in a mirror and repeate it please. for me.