catching up

thank you my angel, you are the only person in my life i wake up for every day, i care for you that much.

My angel, i always try to be truthful to you, i never want to lie to you or mis lead you i nany way, you are way to important to me. i don't want to ever jeperdise our friendship.

Karen, i understand i feel the same about mum, i want to be here to care for her in her old age, but i also don't want to be here anymore.

Karen, you have me to support you, we need to fight every day for the ones we love, it is not about us, it is about your little girls and for me my mother.

Karen things may change in the future, please remember you are so exhausted it plays havoc with our MH try to rest and allow the dark thougths to pass, they are only thoughts, you don't need to act on them. I am always here if you need support or a friendly shoulder to cry on.

Karen, you are a worthwhile person, your husband is gone, he can never hurt you again, you wil be in your new home soon, you and your girls only have good things to look forward to.

Please try to ride this out, if it becomes too overwhelming please go to the ER

Hi @hiddenite

I'm concerned about you. Are you ok?

I get worried when you write things like I can't fight this battle tonight.

What can you do tonight to distract yourself and keep yourself safe? Talking to Jacques is a good start. What else can you do?

I recall that you mentioned that participating on the Forums helps gives you some alternative perspectives. Can you tell me how that's useful?

Karen, please talk to me,

i know you are doing it really tough tonight, please don't push me away, i care for you so much, i just want you to be safe.

hello @hiddenite, hope you are ok

we are here for you - @Jacques, @CherryBomb.
@PeppiPatty, @NikNik

Karen, my sweet princess, their is no need to protect me, and it is not madness, it is just overthinking things.

Karen, you must see you are physically exhausted, you have a bad infection, been so busy with the girls, you are worn out my friend.

What are you up to now Karen? it is quite warm here tonight, the Calf was over the moon today, he got a big bail of hay all to himself, he has eaten almost half of it already!!!!!

I so wish you could be here to experiance the serenity. my angel, you are always welcome to sit with me for as long a you like, you know that. snuggle up my friend, here you can have a blanket if you are cold too 🙂

My angel, do you mind if i keep chatting to you? it is ok if you fall asleep, i will just keep talking, i really miss you and miss our close connection. is that ok?

My angel,

You need to give this time, he has only been gone for 2 years, it has taken me 14 years to become stable and change my world view of people and my fears. yes i struggle from time to time, but life has become more stable for me, people have moved on and i am being left alone by the people who made my life a misery.

Karen, you are still in the mitst of figuring out your life, you are living with your parents who are not good support, you are running all over the place, you have so much pressure on you and life is moving fast.

You need to try to slow things down, i hope when you move into your new home you can drive a lot less for the girls and yourself and find joy in your garden and home.

Karen you need to find a happy place, mine is my garden and the wild life. and amkeing my house into a home.

your house can be your sanctuary, your safe place. i hope you feel at peace their Karen, i really do, the past is gone Karen, the horrible things are behind you now, the memories wil lalways be their, but you need to focus on the good things in your life now, your home, your friends and your girls.

my friend,

If their is anything i can do to help, please let me know, i feel your pain, i have the same thoughts, feelings and fears.

i wish you could see how amazing you are, Karen, i wish you would one day be able to love yourself instead of loathing yourself, you deserve so much love and attention, you are so wonderful, kind and caring.

i wish some of this kindness can be turned inward. when you put yourself down you are fueling what your husband has said to you, reinforcing the belief, he was a horrible man Karen, you deserved so much better than him, i wish you would have had a wonderful life, but it was not to be.

The future is yours Karen, yours to do with as you like, you can love yourself and find happyness where you can, the future is up to you Karen, it can be whatever you want it to be 🙂