catching up

Oh my angel, i feel so mean when i make small jokes, you brought a smile to my face when you said your feet not mine, you are so cheeky.

Karen i know your need to prove yourself, because i did too, i never felt/feel good enough and try so hard to make others see i am not a wast of space. Karen, you and me both need to lear nto be comfortable about who we are and our place in society, i am not just telling you, but also telling myself these things too, their are some pople in our lives that no matter what we do we will never live up to their expectations, my father died trying to prove he was worthwhile, and guess what? he never got the approval of mum's family, he never realised he never had to prove anything to mum and i, we loved him just as he was.

Karen i like you very much just the way you are. try to look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worthwhile, you have nothing to prove, your family loves you just the way you are.

Karen you mean the world to me too, i could not imagine a life without you now, you are such an amazing woman, i know you must be sick of me saying it, but it is true, you make me laugh, smile, and give me someone to think about and to look forward to talking to. thank you Karen.

Karen you don't see these things because no one has told you how wonderful you are.

You are worth so much more than you know, i have known you for a little over a year, in that time, you have saved my life, made me smile, made me laugh, given me something i thought was never possible, a friend, and you have given me a reason to keep going.

Karen these are the qualities that i see in you, even when times where tough for you, you still went out of your way to help me, i am sure many times you where too exhausted to, but made an effort to help me.

You protected your daughters and sacrificed so much in doing so.

Even now you have a home, and the girls will have somewhere to call home and to be free. Karen you did all this, and that is in the short time i have known you my friend.

You are worthwhile to me, you always will be.

Well my angel,

It has been a busy day at the farm, the animals all got fed, the little calf was dancing around the farm hand while he was pouring the grain, the chickens where singing all morning thank god, the lambs got lost again and the farm hand had to save them for the millionth time and miss piggy had her mud bath, it is allover her face, her underbelly and sides, it looks so funny because she has the water marks going 3/4 up her sides, she is so proud of herself, the little curly tail is goin like mad. She has been chasing the sheep around the walk way.

I so enjoy the animals, the birds where bathing under the sprinklers today while i was having some lunch, they got cross with me when i had to turn them off.

Well Karen, most days i do spend watching the animals, i get so upset when they take them away, i so wish you could see them with me.

Tonight i am just watching another star trek as i am to sore to move, i think i over did it a little bit today, but i am going to have a rest day tomorrow to make up for it.

OMg i hope your mum had a nice day, i bet the girls are having a ball, i know what it is like Karen, whenever i am at any family gathering, no one says anything about my illness, they all ask how i am doing and pitty me, most members avoid me anyway, as i am not a drinker.

Karen it is possible that they just don't know what to say, i think it is the same for my family, they are frightened of saying the wrong thing. maybe your family feel the same way. I know it is very uncomfortable that is why i never go to family gatherings, i know you have to go, i really feel for you Karen, i know the heartache of not being like everyone else. i feel the same as you.

Karen that is so nice, how can i judge you, you are my best friend. i will only try to help, never harm.

Karen is the party over or still going? it is a shame that their is not more being done to help families talk to family members about MI.

Oh my angel, please remember deep breaths, call life line if you need support.

Oh yes, i know all to well the uncomfortable silence i know what my family are thinking, just no one is willing to say. Karen, please try to remember they have not had MI so they can't understand, that is what i try to tell myself, i think they are frightened too Karen, of saying something to upset you. it is just as hard for them, that is what i tell myself to try to make myself at ease.

Yes, i am about to drift off to sleep now, i am so tired, if you want to chat i will stay up, i will not let you be alone, if you want to chat, just let me know?